tonight's show. come rain or shine...

the show WILL go on.

two people will fall in love and attempt to run away together.

if there is no rain...we will perform outside (as scheduled in memorial park {800 east and center street} at 7 pm).

however, if the sky opens up. head to the BYU campus and find us in the HFAC. there will be signs (or people) showing you where to go. (and we'll wait for you).

if you're unsure whether we'll be at the park or on campus, check my twitter for a up-to-the minute update (of sorts).

growth.

my first year of college was. really. fun.

and i'm not talking about the classes.

i had this lovely and gorgeous group of girl friends and the fourth-year-boys seemed to take us under their wing (as fourth-year-boys tend to do with first-year-girls).

i remember getting dressed up in ridiculous outfits. parties where far too many people were crammed into far too small spaces. and many, many late nights.

nights where five am found us hailing gypsy cabs. where we were greeting the sun before crawling into bed. where breakfast at 7 am in the nearest diner became the last meal before sleep.

and then. life. happened.

and i spent one too many nights in a strange diner. and one too many nights playing video games until 4 am. and one too many nights on someone else's couch.

and so i began to protect my nights and mornings. hold them close to me. guard them with something akin to a vice grip.

and so it went. for quite some time.

i'd leave parties early. pay extra for solo cabs. choose not to go at all . but always, always, cross the threshold to my own bedroom (alone) and breathe in the sweet air of solitude.

so when i came here i was determined that i might find my own space. nothing was of greater import.

and then i arrived. and the room was small. and so damn white. and i started to cry on that first day. hard.

but with a floral bedspread. and a silver lamp from wal-mart the tightness in my chest began to loosen. and the room became home (or some version of it). and i survived my two months there. and i really do mean, survived. nothing more glamorous than just surviving. and then my contract ran out. and i found myself homeless (or some version of it) in provo.

and then miracle of miracles, new friends took me in (like the stray that i am).

and my privacy was shot to hell.

i find that i'm now living in something akin to an actor's commune. we all cook food together. and video games are played until 4 am or 5 (yes, i'm back there). and i fall asleep on the living room floor. and there is no time to myself before bed, or upon waking, and the thing is, not only am i okay with that, i find it... delicious.

so delicious and sweet i can't tear myself from the living room floor to climb into my apportioned bed. night after night it goes like this.

and i feel like a first-year all over again. but better: wiser and fuller. and life is cyclical. forward-moving, but cyclical.

and this sleeping on the living room floor, this giving over of time and space feels like some kind of growth.

so there you have it. here's to you, utah. my deep thanks for the carpet on which i get to sleep, and the cool summer air i feel slipping through the screened windows.

come see free (outdoor) theatre. and bring a picnic!

so i'm in this little play.

and we open thursday.

and can i admit something?

i'm so excited.

and terrified.

but mostly excited.

we're performing all over provo and salt lake.

always outside.

and always free.

which means you just have to show up.

you can bring blankets. or lawn chairs.

and picnics!

can i suggest bread and cheese and grapes and snap pea crisps?

(because that is what i would bring).

i'd love for you to come.

i'd love to see some friendly faces.

and also because,

the thing is...

i think this production is gonna be pretty darn good.

and i think you'd really enjoy yourself.

this weekend's performances:

Thursday, August 12 200 S Main Street, Pleasant Grove, 7 pm

Friday, August 13 Memorial Park @ 800 E and Center Street, Provo 7 pm

Saturday, August 14 Provo Farmers Market, 500 W Center Street, Provo 12 noon

Saturday, August 14 Kiwanis Park, 820 N 1100 E, Provo 7 pm

Monday, August 16 Nielson’s Grove, 2000 S Sandhill Road, Orem 7 pm

find the full performance schedule here at our website: Utah Shakespeare in the Park

or friend us on facebook for updates!

ps: unsure of the original source of the base image. in other words,

it is not my own, but if you know who's it is, please let me know!

late night abandon.

last night i climbed into bed, pajamas and all at the whopping-late hour of 10:15. when left to my own devices i find i'm a much better and healthier human being when i turn in early and rise much the same.

however after getting a call just five minutes later that promised adventure, i threw on some pants and an over-sized shirt in preparation for a trip up the canyon--the lure of a bonfire is just too much for me.

however, this morning i'm feeling old. staying out till 3 is harder than it used to be. and that much sugar, that late at night is bound to have it's repercussions. but in my defense the marshmallows were the size of small-children's-fists and who can resist that? and i so love to see them catch on fire.

even if i have to spend this week in sugar-detox, it was worth it.

ps: have you ever tried roasted starbursts? no? you must?! that is all i will say.

have a lovely weekend. and a tidbit of info...

so i'm doing this little play, right.

and you want to come see it, right?

so here are some preliminary dates.

more to follow.

climbing to where the sky was once sea.

i scoffed yesterday when told the hike was a mere mile and a half.

no problem, i am in fighting form.

the thing is when given only a mile and half to climb more than a thousand feet in the air, well that's tricky.

okay not so much tricky as downright hard (miserable).

and then there's this issue of fear of heights that seems to worsen with age.

but at the end of it all i got to explore a cave that outdates the dinosaurs (yes outdates the dinosaurs!).

oh, and the view was okay, too.

sundance, waterfalls, and the tree room dream.

this saturday the gorgeous Bev showed me the part of utah i've been longing to see since the day i arrived. and suddenly i think i might never leave. everything's better up in the mountains (girl talk included. who am i kidding? especially, girl talk!). i'm thinking of taking up residence in any of the several multi-million dollar homes nestled into the foliage. in fact, if i hang around long enough, maybe robert (redford) and i might just strike up a friendship.

now i'm thinking of all the different ways to convince my father to take my mother and me to the tree room when they come to visit in just over a month.

holy cupcake!

there are days when i feel like i'm actually regressing. moving backwards. undoing any progress in an upward and positive direction for my life.

but for every ten of those days, there's one where i manage to make a batch of cupcakes for a cast picnic. i (1) finish said cupcakes a full day in advance. (2) the frosting does not get everywhere, as it has in the past. and (3) i do all of this in high altitude {which, need i remind you, i am less than unaccustomed to}.

and i think to myself, kid, you're doing just fine.

sammy's.

i told you i went to sammy's. i got the mint oreo pie shake. (yes, that means a whole slice of pie was actually blended up into it). and i'll tell you what: it may have taken the girl 15 minutes to make the darn thing, but it was worth the wait. i got to spend time with my friend aubrey who told me beautiful stories. i spent the night covered in goose pimples, and i'm pretty sure they were only partly a product of the ice cream.

nothing soothes the soul quite like saying goodbye to some dead-ends.

it has been an interesting couple of days for me here in provo. perhaps, it is the ending of the honeymoon period--the realization that this is no two week vacation, but rather a three month plopping of the soul in unchartered land.

there are things i miss about new york. like running to the corner store for the raspberries i forgot to get at the market. or evenings on the upper west side when the city finally begins to cool and the streets are empty. love never seems so possible as on a summer evening in new york.

yet even as i write this, i balk at the audacity of saying i miss new york. i mean i do, yes, but utah is so lovely. and the people are so lovely. and guys actually smile at me as i sit slurping my oreo milkshake on the sidewalk outside of sammy's and i feel...dare i say it...beautiful. so while i'm not quite sure how or when or even why my little funk began, it persisted today.

that is, until my haircut.

lisa emailed me when i posted about needing to trim my runaway mane and immediately i knew she was my gal. she's been cutting hair for five years now, working at a well-known salon in salt lake before leaving to take care of her baby boy. currently she works out of a salon in her friend's basement in sandy.

lisa was unbelievably kind and her friend's salon is amazing: dark wood floors, flattering (and very forgiving) lighting, and all the amenities of a normal salon. and here's the kicker, $25 for a haircut. yup, that's it. i just about fell off the seat when she told me that. i pay more than twice that in new york for half (not even) the experience. score-keeper, point to utah, please.

the best part is i left feeling lighter: the funk had begun to lift.

to contact lisa about haircuts and the like: lisabug_14@hotmail.com

an adventure (vacation?) for the mind.

i came to utah to work on some things. to work on myself, i suppose.

to grow in many directions all at once.

and as i attempt to figure things out, i can feel my mind rearranging itself. taking down all the old books and bowls and folded photos. restructuring. new shelves. different dimensions.

but this restructuring is somewhat... terrifying. i find myself dreaming of things i haven't dreamt of in years. half-nightmares. waking face first in a water-logged pillow struggling to catch my breath.

these dreams, these dreams i can deal with.

it's the slow, inching, creeping of my memory away from me that brings on terror. it's as though someone is covering over the green of the all england tennis club with a protective tarp. that slow and steady cover up--preventing the ping-pong collision of past and present.

and i am left waiting for the rain.

but the brain is pretty smart, no? and it knows when remodeling is in order.

so come on rain. the playing field is protected. and i'm ready for a little slip-and-slide.

a fourth of july three day holiday.

i had the loveliest weekend celebrating america's independence. here in provo it was something of a three day affair.

on saturday i headed with some friends to see the grassroots production of romeo and juliet. actors and performers and the like love to borrow and steal and pay homage to others so we went for ideas. with a cooler of bread, cheese, and grapes there was nothing like sitting on a sloping green hill, mountains all aglow in the distance, having an interactive and very fun shakespeare experience.

then on sunday night a lovely blog-reader jess kindly invited me over for sunday night dinner. we talked and laughed and i felt so included and cared for. nothing like a home cooked meal.(pictures to come).

and then this morning we woke good and early to catch the parade that heads down center street. i must say that when celebrating the fourth, nothing makes my heart go pitter-patter quite like the sight of red, white, and blue: flags. lots, and lots of flags, please. however,sitting in the sun for a few hours has taken it out of me and i am pooped, ready for a nap. (did i mention i have a farmer's tan on precisely one arm. yup, just one).

hoping your weekend was just as wonderful as mine!

over and up.

i'm sitting her looking out at the mountains. from where i sit at my borrowed, wooden desk they eclipse my window completely. and in turn swallow me whole.

these are the mountains facing east. new york lies beyond them. and believe me when i say, that metaphor is not lost on me.

there was never any doubt about this. this little expedition i'm on. there were concerns and moments of terror, yes. but that divinely-inspired voice that lives right there in my gut was very clear. go, it said. go, and life will unfold, you'll see. trust me, it ever so calmly pressed into me. wrapped me in its message.

and so here i am.

but even with God's blessing or goodwill or what have you, i wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and wake up three months from now. i longed to nod my head once and with the genie's blink become the person i'd been promised at the end of all this.

i just didn't want to have to do the necessary work to get there.

but the mountains, of course. and their all powerful metaphor. a gigantic mountain range between me and the life i once lived. or the life i will live. or the life i dream of living.

this eruption of green plopped right there. right in front of me.

when i was little we'd take road trips through the western united states. and my mom would always say, imagine how the pioneers did it. how did they do it?

and the thing is i sure as hell don't know. those covered wagons. entire families in tow. rocky terrain. leaving behind all that is known, not only heading toward a new future, but carving out a never before seen path along the way. can you even imagine? the courage of it. startling.

the only way over the mountain before me is up. one small step in front of the other. a metaphorical tapping in to my own inner pioneer.

so okay. here goes...

today i am stuffed.

with the salad below. (euf, so full!)

with gratitude.

with love for friends new and old.

with undeserved kindness.

with peace.

and the knowledge and faith that life has a way of working out. (ps: remind me of this the next time i think the sky is falling, as invariably i will at some point in the near future.)

(note: ignore the strange look on my face. i think it's the product of nearly finishing the salad {yes, the ENTIRE thing}, which left me careening toward food comatose. and ignore my poor hair--that's a product of dying hair dryer.)

dear mallorie,

thanks for giving me my first cafe rio experience. and for the trip to wal-mart for a new hair dryer. my hair thanks you. let's play again soon.

xo,

meg

helloooooo, utah!

i had the loveliest afternoon. yup, the loveliest. there, i said it.

the gorgeous emily of la vie en rose treated me to gelato on provo's center street (we both had pecan) and then took me on a walking tour. she pointed out the best places for mexican food and milkshakes (diego's and sammy's {separate stops}).

i had so much fun and laughed and laughed and instantly i felt a little more at home.

oh, did i mention that when she came to pick me up she brought me a jar of jam? a jar of my very own. for the fridge. and yes, it's homemade. swoon. and yes, i've already had some on toast. and yes, perfection, it was.

thank you emily for giving me such a gorgeous welcome. (and for being patient enough to post for the obligatory picture-taking session). i can't wait to do it again!

ps: camilla of champagne bubbles posted this and it came as such a surprise. it kinda made my month. actually, no kinda about it, it did. it made my month. especially because i want to claim camilla as a real-life friend, desperately.

root bear floats. and a tangential reaching out to the makers of soda water.

yesterday after a run to the grocery store for some soda water (dear: canada dry, perrier, pellegrino, i am still waiting for you to offer me a sponsorship deal. let me give you a hint, i belong to the highest bidder--and by highest bidder i mean the company willing to offer me a lifetime supply of their product.) i stopped at sonic. i went inside. and was totally thrown by the red buttons and large display boards. ha! i had forgotten how sonic works.

i pressed the button.

and found the whole thing a bit disconcerting: like oz behind the curtain.

but in the end i got my root beer float, delivered on skates. and immediately i felt like i was twelve years old all over again driving with my mom in the car down a texas highway.

toast.

i am eating multigrain toast with cheddar cheese right now. and all together it tastes like cinnamon.

hmmm.

the fridge in this temporary apartment from which i pulled my cheddar cheese is awfully full of jam. that's what i caught my attention this morning during the cheese extraction. so much jam. so many jars of jam.

i've noticed this. always a lot of jam in apartments where girls reside. and yet i've never really seen girls eat jam. well, there was this one time that my fried carolyn ordered jam with her toast at a restaurant, but she was following a vegan diet and i pointed out that jam usually has an animal extract in it and everyone at the table gave me a nasty look. and that was that.

i myself like jam. very much. most especially that of the raspberry hero persuasion. and i like my cheese kerrygold. there i said. swedish and irish. i have an international palate.

there's always that moment moving into a new place when someone else's mess becomes your mess and the feeling of disease abates (as in not at ease, not the medical condition). i'm waiting for that.

already it's a wee bit better. i bought myself a lamp from wal-mart. it's silver with a white shade and very classy, if i do say so myself. and i've put a pretty blue sheet and flowering comforter on the raised twin-bed.

it's just that, out of all the jars of jam in the fridge not-a-one is mine.

so this adjusting thing may take a little time.

ps: i can't thank you all enough for your loving comments and emails. the amount of kindness and comfort you have provided me with is deeply humbling. so thank you, thank you, a hundred times over, thank you. and after the first good cry on that first afternoon i've been tear-free. all is well on this end.

an adventure in utah

so as it turns out, i actually went to juilliard.

i studied theatre.

i planned to be an actor.

you know what they say about the best laid plans...

i stepped away from acting just over a year ago with every intention of returning. but somewhere along the way i began to wonder if i ever would return--if i wanted to.

and because i found fulfillment in other things i started to think perhaps it was best to just move on.

but every once and a while, i miss it.

terribly.

this is all to say i'm heading to utah this summer to work through these questions in a new way.

i'll be playing juliet in a production of romeo and juliet.

i know you all are going to be wonderfully supportive. but before sharing this, i had to make sure that stripped of anyone's support other than my own, i'd be okay.

and i think i will be.

so there you have it.

three months in utah to figure out if i want to act.

and let me add, before coming to see me in romeo and juliet (and you will, no?) you must check out the production of much ado about nothing. it's outside, absolutely free, 80 minutes long, and you can bring your own picnic...

lovely.

check out the blog.