i'm sitting her looking out at the mountains. from where i sit at my borrowed, wooden desk they eclipse my window completely. and in turn swallow me whole.
these are the mountains facing east. new york lies beyond them. and believe me when i say, that metaphor is not lost on me.
there was never any doubt about this. this little expedition i'm on. there were concerns and moments of terror, yes. but that divinely-inspired voice that lives right there in my gut was very clear. go, it said. go, and life will unfold, you'll see. trust me, it ever so calmly pressed into me. wrapped me in its message.
and so here i am.
but even with God's blessing or goodwill or what have you, i wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and wake up three months from now. i longed to nod my head once and with the genie's blink become the person i'd been promised at the end of all this.
i just didn't want to have to do the necessary work to get there.
but the mountains, of course. and their all powerful metaphor. a gigantic mountain range between me and the life i once lived. or the life i will live. or the life i dream of living.
this eruption of green plopped right there. right in front of me.
when i was little we'd take road trips through the western united states. and my mom would always say, imagine how the pioneers did it. how did they do it?
and the thing is i sure as hell don't know. those covered wagons. entire families in tow. rocky terrain. leaving behind all that is known, not only heading toward a new future, but carving out a never before seen path along the way. can you even imagine? the courage of it. startling.
the only way over the mountain before me is up. one small step in front of the other. a metaphorical tapping in to my own inner pioneer.
so okay. here goes...