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Disclaimer | part four

return of the short hair

pitted olives freak me out. they absolutely, freak. me. out.
i like hitting the pit with my teeth--having to sort of chew around it before spitting it out. open-palm, waiting hand.

i am an excellent finger snapper. get me in the shower grooving to some music that's piping through the apartment and with that little bit of water between my fingers, my snap is a thing to behold.

it is my belief that momofuku milk bar makes the best latte in town. there is no evidence for this, just my own personal-overwhelming-experiential-evidence. (in a word, preference).

i feel more myself with shorter hair. i just do. and i know some will say it makes me less pretty. but i think they're wrong. it just makes me less obviously pretty and frankly, i've never been interested in the obvious. i want to be a slow-burn-sort-of-beautiful. a second-glance-kind-of-pretty. i want the kind of beauty that unravels with time and patience.

i've gotten really good at crying. the kind of big and soft and wet tears that roll out the eye slowly before careening down the cheek. everything makes me cry now. everything. a good book, a good show, a simple kindness--anything small and true. thing is, i do believe myself to be far more rational than i used to be. i even sleep on the side of the bed reserved for rational people (which happened naturally, before i knew it was a thing. an actual thing. look it up).

i believe saturday mornings are for drinking lattes and reading books and falling apart when falling apart is what's called for.

i've only ever had one full beer in my life. it was lambic. framboise. of the raspberry persuasion. it was delicious. i don't like the taste of regular beer, i blame my college experience. i didn't go to a college with fraternities and sororities and house parties with red solo cups. my campus was new york city and i was raised on colorful martinis with colorful liquor and a lot of sugar.

i've never owned a pair of uggs. i take a lot of pride in this. no pants with nonsense words emblazoned across the buttocks. lord help me if i have a daughter who's interested in such things.

i'd much rather read a magazine with smiling women than with thin women. which is not to say that the two are mutually exclusive, but rather that i place more emphasis on the former than the latter and i wish print media would do the same.

i feel sexiest in oversized white oxfords and jeans.

i'm do not believe there is a more perfect food than the croissant.

i don't believe in puffy winter coats. i think if you live in a place where jackets are a staple than they should be warm and absolutely above-board-classy. that being said, i've never lived in chicago, michigan, or any part of canada.

i loathe the sound of chewing gum. i find it an affront to my feminine sensibilities.

i can make an entree out of any meat and cheese plate.
try me.
(though i prefer vinegar hill house and buttermilk channel, so if you accept the challenge, can we go there?).

i think everything is in transition now. which i find utterly terrifying and a little thrilling. but mostly terrifying. but it is movement and chaos and i recognize both as good. big-picture-sort-of-good. but big-picture-sort-of-good isn't always easy, is it?

well... anyway, this was just to say.
so that you know.

love, love,

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AmericanBridget (Jones) said...

Great post and nice to learn more about you!

jackie said...

you ARE beautiful, even with shorter hair. If shorter hair is what makes you feel more like yourself, then shorter hair makes you more beautiful.

and you feel sexiest in jeans? that right there is an accomplishment in itself.

Clio said...

Totally agree with you on the uggs and ass-blazoned trouser front. I don't know what I'd do with a daughter who lusted after either.

Chloe Winstone said...

I completely agree with what you said about short hair. Although people say I look better with long hair, I have never felt prettier and more myself than I did when I had short hair.

Also croissants? I honestly believe they should be a part of everyone's life. There's nothing like taking a bite of food that tastes like summer.

Hannah Nicole said...

can't tell you how much I adore this. and croissants still warm are my secret crush. I can't wait for the day when I taste a genuine one, warm from somewhere in Paris. that is the dream, anyways.

i believe saturday morning are for drinking lattes and reading books and falling apart when falling apart is what's called for.

just yes. xx

Kamian said...

I sleep on the rational side of the bed too.

k8te said...

"slow-burn-sort-of-beautiful" yes! exactly. i've always thought that, that i might not be "classically" beautiful, but i'm rather be interesting beautiful anways.

Alex said...

I think you look stunning with any kind of hair. Amen to the white oxford and jeans. I hate puffy coats. And the sound of people chewing anything makes me want to vomit.

lacey horst-thomas said...

i think you looked beautiful with long hair and i think you look beautiful with shorter hair. either way, you're a beauty.

LeaHall said...

I don't know you at all, but can we be best friends? :)

Julie said...

I love these posts! And any kind of hair, as long as it makes you the type of smiling woman you'd like to see on the cover of those magazines :)

Anonymous said...

I think it's a great look on you!

"i want the kind of beauty that unravels with time and a little patience." loved this part :)

and yes, it does seem we are all in a big good for life transition.


Jennifer Bosse said...

I loved this and I think shorter hair suits you. Even though my hair is often used for pulling or twirling knots in for comfort by my 4 month old, I love mine longer. And it took me a long time to figure this out!

I can't stand the feeling of trying to snap my fingers. It weirds me out, have no idea why.

Oh and I quite agree with you on puffy jackets, chewing gum, and crazy branding all over clothing. And glitter jeans. Seriously WTF?

Take a quiet moment tomorrow morning and come visit my space. www.definingmyhappy.com

Best, Jen

ellabelle said...

I adore these posts--they always make me think about who I am and what I believe in, care about, and want from life. Just the best.

Growing up in New England, I never fully believed in puffy coats either, but when I moved to Minnesota four years ago, I discovered that the old adage is definitely true: there are no (puffy coat) atheists in (upper Midwestern winter) foxholes. I may look completely ridiculous in my ankle-length, fleece-lined, down "sleeping bag" coat, but when its -16 outside, I couldn't care less about how cute I look, as long as I am cozy and comfortable and not in danger of dying from exposure.

xo from Minneapolis

katilda said...

after a lifetime of OTHER haircuts, i recently found myself in a set of bangs. i had an ex bf who was adamantly against bangs, and i think i held on to that view for awhile without knowing it. now i have them, and i am better for it.

Holly said...

if you ever move to chicago, you'll need a puffy coat ;) (unfortunately)

aspasm said...

I live in Canada and have lived in towns that are ridiculously cold (minus 30C/-22F) and I have never owned a puffy coat (except maybe when I was 10 years old). I am a firm believer that you can be warm AND look lovely.

Jennifer Rod said...

i dont know how to say that i love your blog, your play on words and sweet genuine spirit without sounding cliche. but i just do. i honestly cant seem to get enough of your posts and the freedom and confidence and laughs that i often get. you are in my inbox and some nights, like tonight, i just come here and check up posts and catch up and for the most part i am always blown away... there's always a take away. all this to say, that i am so glad you are so free open and genuine. thank you.thank you.

Unknown said...

I'm fairly new to your blog but I love your style of writing and now I'm hooked :) Croissants (with jam and butter) really are the best food. Preferably with a side of coffee or tea!

- Irina @ Chocolatea Time

Emme said...

love the short hair and this post :)

Eva said...

I laughed out loud at the part about not liking puffy winter coats, but also not living in Chicago. As a Chicagoan born and bred, I harbor the belief that even Jackie O would have caved in and worn a puffy jacket in the bitter cold of midwestern Februaries. The cold is simultaneously battering and befriending--it smothers, engulfs, and thoroughly bashes to the bone.

Kmarie Jones said...

I have to echo Eva... On the upper Canadian prairies we have weeks of minus 20-40 celcius ( no idea what it is F)
Our coats for spring and autumn would be your coats on your coldest winter day... In Toronto or other parts of Canada you could get away with it though... So if you ever take to Canada move to Toronto or Vancouver... Where cold is not really THAT cold;) I try to make me warm jacket somewhat stylish by going with Thinsulate Ski jackets.... At least it's not quite as puffy but still does the trick when the winds are added to the temperature.... And hair is impossible to keep stylish- toques are a gals best friend... Oh Canada;) sometimes I wish we had your winters but then again... It's refreshing to walk into a mall and see the majority lugging around winter coats and dressed in sweaters and jeans or whatever is warmest;)
Loved this post. Had to agree with all the other confessions. Your hair looks stunning short;)

Breanna Davies said...

"i've never been interested in the obvious. i want to be a slow-burn-sort-of-beautiful. a second-glance-kind-of-pretty. i want the kind of beauty that unravels with time and a little patience."

Gosh I loved this...wish you'd elaborate! Would you? I'd love to hear more of your opinion on this...

Do you feel the same way when it comes to being attracted to guys? I've been thinking about that a lot lately. There's this guy and he might just be a slow-burn for me...though I think he's like me since he first met me. (Not that its always that way with guys I like haha.)

Leah K said...

I love love loved this! I quoted one part of it in my own blog today (I referenced you, obviously).

Thank you for your profound words and your incredible honesty.


Jessica said...

RE: Uggs- When trying on rainboots once, the shoe salesman brought out a pair of Uggs for me to try because apparently, in his mind, they are in the same family as a practical rainboot (he was wrong, they are not). I stopped him before he could even reach in to pull the paper out of the toe. I don't do Uggs, I told him. "Well, have you ever tried them?" No, but I don't have to try them on to know that I want none of that.

Also- puffy coats- acceptable only when they are knee length. Short and puffy is an abomination. Long and puffy is an absolute necessity in single digit temperatures, especially for a city-dweller who walks everywhere. Because SNOW.

sarah ashley said...

wow. so many of these points are things that I'm feeling currently as well . to a tee.

As always, well done madam.

ps. as a new resident to the city, your NYC posts are proving most helpful :) Thank you for them!

Dree said...

"i want to be a slow-burn-sort-of-beautiful. a second-glance-kind-of-pretty. i want the kind of beauty that unravels with time and a little patience."

That quote. I just copied and pasted it onto my laptop homescreen. Just those words. Incredible. Thank you.

Alex said...

I share your opinion of beer. Lambics are the way to go!

Amy - Book Monster said...

I think I would like to write a letter to the man who made me an honest woman. Because I didn't think it would be him. Never in my wildest dreams would I have picked him out of a line-up and I KNEW him a few years before dating and marriage and big commitment relational things like that.

Also, I love that you know Michiganders HAVE to wear puffy coats. Or we will freeze to death.

amynicole said...

I'm new to your blog and this post made me admire the crap out of you.

kwistin said...

i think i've seen your blog in passing before, but i found this post today and i just can't even tell you how much it spoke to me.

i even facebook statused the part about wanting to be a "slow-burn-sort-of-beautiful" (crediting you and posting this link, of course). it was like i was pavlov's dog! i had to because this post (especially that paragraph)--is absolutely lovely in every way.

so thanks.

i'll be coming back to visit your blog often. : )