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disclaimer: two years later

xmas lights

i get sad after christmas. in my stomach. a wet sponge of sadness. heavy and porous all at once.

the lines on my forehead are deepening. the skin around my eyes becoming ever-more fragile.

i sleep with the humidifier on. and i wake early just so i have time to read before the day begins.

my left eye still leaks. not much to do about that. it simply is, this little leak.

when no on is home, i pump up the music and remember how as a little girl i would pull out my big-bird-record-player and my father would move the living room furniture and we'd dance. oh, how we'd dance!

i don't have bangs now, i'm incredibly vain about my eyelashes, and i'm highly susceptible to any sort of sales-pitch. (one might in fact call me gullible. and they might in fact be right).

i love riding a bike. and i still yearn for a vespa--in my toes i yearn for it.

i long for a year in europe. the consumption of lattes without restraint. open-air piazzas and history etched into every nook. i long for trains and the lilting musicality of an unknown language.

i think a person can be a million things. things that seemingly stand in direct opposition. there is no end. nothing more stunning than a little humanity. or humility.

i want nothing so much as a little balcony. just off our apartment. wrought-iron fencing. and plants!

i want a life lived in color. vibrant and deep.

i believe in dressing up. for the theatre. for church. for morning meetings and nights out. i believe how we dress ourselves is an unconscious indicator of how we'd like to be treated. (i actually like panty-hose).

i'm a firm believer in strict-parenting. and boundaries. that education begins at home. and education, more than anything, will change this world. it transcends party lines, divisions between culture and country--it is the great equalizer (in the best possible way).
i believe that pleases and thank yous speak volumes of a person's character. that an unsolicited smile is a profound act of kindness. and that the more love a person cultivates for himself, the more he then delivers freely into the world. (and surely this world needs a little more love).

and yes, i climb onto soap-boxes more often than i should.
and yes, i get passionate--such is my cross.

and i'm so much better. so much better than two years ago when i first wrote this. so much better. so much fuller. so much more myself.

so much more aware that this christmas sadness will pass. that all things pass. that things change and deepen.

and that this life, hard as it is, is so damn worth it.

just so you know.



Camilla Leila said...

oh yes yes and yes.

Holly Bierly Young said...

I am always so amazed after every one of your posts. The only words I can ever must are, "I love this." :) I love how well you KNOW YOURSELF, Meg. It's such an inspiration.

Alex said...

As I read this, I kept saying things like, "Yes!!!" or "Exactly!!!" You always know how to say things juuust right.

SarahAnn said...

I've been reading for a long time. And this is why. I love reading a stranger's blog and feeling instantly connected in a million different tiny ways.

A Serenade for Solitude said...

I love all of this. I, too, have been dealing with post Christmas blues and just wrote about them...Cheers to you this New Years, cbm

Betsey said...

really really beautiful writing.

c.e.l.i.n.a said...

Yeah for coming into your own!

D&D said...

good beliefs. and yes - good eyelashes too! (not to stroke your ego anymore or anything... ;)

Darryn said...

This is beautiful, thank you.

Libby said...

Yes panty-hose!! They are great and can be a girls best friend!

M said...

i always feel a little sad after xmas, and this year was no exception, particularly because of a family illness...but you hit the nail on the head here...all things pass and it is all So worth it :)

kara lynn said...

i love all of this. and completely agree!! and meg guess what i'm moving to houston next spring!!

sara said...

i always feel a little sad after christmas too, and then try to get excited for then new year to cheer myself up again
your writing is lovely, as always
have a great new years eve!

Magatha-May said...

you have pretty much written down everything that is in my head - thanks

Jenni Austria Germany said...

i vote for the year in europe. it's so worth it! and i mean, you just might meet your husband-to-be there...because i may have met mine here (but don't let my boyfriend see this....he might get a little freaked out that i'm referring to him as my husband-to-be...whoops!).

Platypodian said...

I love this write up so much. I was a past reader. I doubt if you remember me. But, I have re-entered the blog world, and i have finally found your blog again! yay! -Jacob. ps: happy new year!

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

This was just lovely :) you're such a great writer!

ritika said...

now i know what beautiful is.

Lily said...

I don't know too many... I know few people who can write so well.

Ana* said...

Hello connection? I feel the exact same way about Christmas & New Years. There's something about this time of the year that saddens me. I even cried last night while watching 17 again. I know!! Thank God all things pass.

Happy New Years my dear!!

Mackenzie said...

please oh please yes, with a baby great pyrenees on top. so much loveliness, i don't think the blogosphere can support it.

Lauren said...

I love this post. So beautiful! :)


rachel awes said...

i just found your blog...
love the hafiz quote about happiness...may it find us both & often..& love your header/gorgeous..& your love letters, why, they are breathtaking in their honesty & human soft skin.
so lovely to visit you.xo

Anonymous said...

Have you read this blog? Everytime I read it I think of you.

getyourgreenon said...

Meg, This is so beautiful. It makes me want to run away to an old dusty used bookstore and crawl into a corner and write poetry with vibrant colors and leave the completed drafts in between the hard-cover books. left there like old flowers to dry...or something like that :)

Thanks for your writing, your passion and sharing your life