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8.01.2011

disclaimer: part iii

camera round the neck, feels so good

i spilled coffee on my laptop last week--on the keys. and in an attempt to dry it up before it reached the...well, whatever it is that it reaches before the computer stops working, i pulled out my hairdryer.

i melted the shift key. the ctrl key now sticks.

i'm a disaster.

{most days, i'm a disaster}.

i'm the girl who spills coffee on her laptop. i wish i wasn't but i am. (and i can say that now because it's not the first time it's happened). i'm terribly judgmental and i complain. all the time, i complain. and i second guess and doubt--i'm a veritable whirling dervish of insecurities.

but i am funny. every once in a while, when you least expect it, i make a good joke--a mouthful of a joke that'll make your cheeks hurt and your eyes burn.

i want to grow vegetables in the backyard. i want to go to the farmer's market every saturday. i want our children to grow up in the kitchen--surrounded by whole grains and colorful fruit and ice cream we make in the cuisinardt. that's not too much to ask is it?

you do know i'm going to be that crazy mom who doesn't allow refined sugar in the house (or at least holds off for as long as possible). i'll be the mom making vegan cookies for the bake sale and packing brown sack lunches with zucchini fries and raw-goat-cheese pizza.

i don't have a mind for dates or numbers. i'll forget all that stuff. or confuse it. or wake one morning and realize the trip i've been planning for several months was off by two days. and so there will be a mad shuffle as flights are rearranged and work is rearranged and the whole thing will be so ridiculous all we'll be able to do is laugh. because it's small fries. that stuff is small fries. i'll remember the good stuff: where we went on our first date and what we ate and your shoes, too. i'll remember your shoes.

it's gonna be a hard life. because life is hard. but it'll be really worth-it. i promise you that--i promise the worth.

and i promise you the attempt. the attempt to be good. and the attempt to be kind. to not worry so much. to not care what others think. to not complain at every turn. the attempt at humor--always, the attempt at a joke.

i promise you the space between perfection and utter chaos. the marrow of life--that'll be my gift to you.


me




43 comments:

rebecca said...

I have literally had your blog pulled up willing a post to appear. :) have a great day.

wilybrunette said...

@ rebecaca: what a compliment!! thank you. (also it gave me a really good chuckle which is so nice to start the week with).

Ana Magdalena said...

this post is so real. this line is brilliantly sweet: "i promise you the space between perfection and utter chaos."

Katie said...

Ohhh no, close call!! I just almost spilled pear juice all over my keyboard. Oy, klutz's unite.

christine said...

Sounds like you need a coffee cup with a lid. ;)

Glad to know I'm not alone in the world...

Cocoa said...

That looks soo much like Georgetown in the back !

A Sunday Kind Of Love said...

sign me up to be the other crazy mom who doesn't allow processed food, gluten (unless we're in europe...eat all the *fresh* bread your heart desires!), or soy. the mom who bakes with almond flour, arrowroot, and agave. and also, who doesn't make her kids drink 5000 gallons of skim milk like "real" american kids are supposed to :)

Lottie said...

I loved this post,partly because it sounds like me: my laptop screen remains black due to me somehow dropping a book into it.

And just because the words are beautiful and amazing! Your Prince Charming is going to be one lucky guy! xx

Hafsa said...

your posts are all so interesting and musing to read :)

withoutizy said...

You're wonderful, you know? Your honesty is wonderful. I adore it! I love reading your posts because you are so easy to relate to. I can't wait to read about your falling in love... when everything lines up in the universe for you xx

withoutizy said...

I read part i just now, and it seems you've learned to cook. Haha <3

communikate. said...

oh girl..the coffee on the keyboard/ hair dryer is totally something i would do.

i'm the girl that's known to spill and drop things left and right. in high school anytime someone else dropped something, my friends would always say "you pulled a kate." (like the great episode of friends, when they all said "you pulled a monica!")

and that's my random tangent for you on this fine monday morning.

:)

a day with kate said...

this is positively amazing.

(i too have ruined a keyboard. it's not great...)

marissa at the boot said...

i agree with you on the sugar, the zucchini fries, and the raw goat cheese pizza. why haven't we all learned yet to put only the good stuff in?
you are so sweet and genuine and i know that you will have an amazing "someone" someday.

Erin said...

i can relate to this entire post! my husband would agree... i'm a disaster most days. but i'm a good woman! and i'll always remember your shoes. ;)

debbiecutieface said...

I love your posts :) You are so wonderful with words and a wonderful person all around!

Allie said...

Absolutely beautiful. I pictured all of this like a hilarious movie as I read it. I can so see myself being that health freak mom also!

s a m said...

I love you for this Meg. (and not just because I'm a girl that has booked a train ticket in the opposite direction I needed to go. twice this year.)

And who ever is out there, waiting just around the corner, will too.

emilia. said...

I love that in part i, you say you won't cook at all. oh the loveliness of life and change.

you give me hope because i cannot conceive of making a meal these days. anything other than a quesadilla... shoot. i need some help.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes when I'm reading your blog I feel like I'm reading my diary, or like maybe you're reading my mind. Thank you for being so transparent, and for making me see that I am not alone!

Peace,
Heather

katielizabethawkes said...

oh! oh we are the same! totally wrote a blog just like unto this one: http://katielizabethawkes.blogspot.com/2011/07/memoirs-of-potentially-difficult.html

stephanie said...

I love reading your blog because it's like reading poetry, and sometimes it's even like reading a snippet of my own thoughts. Just lovely.

A Serenade for Solitude said...

sigh...you are going to be the most wonderful gift to a man. i feel so lucky to be able to read these things from your heart. it is all so beautiful, really. xx

Ariel said...

I absolutely love this.

Eric said...

Your description is exactly me...the talented, fashionable, female version of me.

Chelsea said...

i want to be your friend! we can judge and complain together. those are my specialties. ;)

Mackenzie said...

oh girl, you and i both. 50 hour work weeks, all cupcake diets, and no sleep have been keeping me further and further from the lavender scented life and vegetable gardens of my dreams as well. let's start a disaster girl anonymous group, except we would hardly be anonymous with our craziness.

and like someone above me mentioned, you are going to be the greatest gift that man of your dreams could ever imagine. he is so very lucky to have you inching towards him slowly but surely. i hope you know that. you are such a treasure, meg.

Stephanie said...

i am a relatively new follower and have spent hours paging through your entries and truly love them all. You have such an amazing way of writing...I'm looking forward to many more posts!
ps- the weekend trips to the farmer's market and cuisinart ice cream? I can't tell you how often I day dream of doing things just like that with my future family :)

Em & Gar said...

that part about sugar and growing vegetables, that was my mother. I think we both turned out pretty darned well.


And, well, it's the mother I hope to be!

whitney said...

"i promise you the space between perfection and utter chaos. the marrow of life--that'll be my gift to you."--meg, this is one of the most beautiful lines i have ever read.

Brooke said...

"the marrow of life." -- absolutely perfect.

ALFIE said...

"i promise you the space between perfection and utter chaos. the marrow of life--that'll be my gift to you"


so well said, my friend. so beautifully and poetically well said.


i feel like all love takes place in a little sliver of life. a little crack in the surface. where perfection and chaos melt into the heat. and the peace. of love.

Joanna said...

Back in college, while simultaneously painting my toenails and typing to a then boyfriend on AIM (oh, how times have changed), I spilled pink polish on my mouse and keyboard. To this day (yes, I still have that old computer), seeing those stray streaks of pink makes me laugh at myself. These are things I hope my future husband, wherever he is, will appreciate as well.

Sabrina Katherine said...

This post made me cry. Your writing is so simply beautiful, I just love it.

Jeneric Generation said...

Seriously, I just love your writing! Have I said that before? You have such a way of transfering a pleasant train of thought onto paper that everyone else can relate to.

the soft soled said...

well this is just beautiful. I think those of us who self identify as disasters are so much more interesting than the pulled together girls...

Anonymous said...
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Rhianne said...

I love this, we are all disasters really, I'm so clumsy its shocking.

I'm totally going to be that Mum too - in fact its possible my kids my even hate me... :) they'll appreciate it one day though... hopefully.

Rachael said...

I've seen that you've posted a lot since I last came over to your blog but I've held off because while it's okay to skim other blogger's post and leave a half-hearted compliment or some such, it's absolutely NOT okay for yours. Your writing, photos... outlook on life... all is worth my full and undivided attention. So I waited and waited and I'm glad I did. It's now my Tuesday treat to read slowly (with my caffeine, on my work-from-home breaks) through each post. This particular one reminds me of Dave Egger's stream of consciousness style. And his remembering the future style.
Love.
Love.
Love.

Mel said...

Beautiful, as always. I love the evolution of your posts, watching the thoughts tumble to an eventual, lovely conclusion.

- Mel

allie spencer. said...

loved this so much i shared it on my blog! you write beautifully!
http://alliespence.blogspot.com

Jennifer M. said...

Ahh this made me nearly cry. I hope so much that someday I am in love with someone and that we have forever together. I hope someday that someone loves me for me, despite all my weird habits and quirks. And of course, I hope that your someone finds you because you're totally a great girl and he'd be a lucky man. :)

kate said...

you look beautiful miss meg. I hope you start this coming Monday with a smile.