love, love, love.

{vic and i remembering to take a picture just as we were saying goodbye. it was freezing last night, can you tell?}

i spent this weekend celebrating valentine's day in the best possible way:

with my girlfriends.

saturday night brought a wine bar followed by dinner followed by sweet treats.

we spoke of boys and success and fear and all those things so important to women in their twenties who are learning and working and figuring it all out.

and when i got home. i turned out my lights, got into bed, and thanked the universe for the love of good women--for their insight and understanding, their strength and support.

and when i talk about my girlfriends yes i mean erin and vic who shared their saturday with me and angela who i always see on sundays and so many others, but you all too--you all who read this silly thing and leave comments that continuously floor me. you all who challenge me and make me want to work harder and fight harder and love more.

so thank you.

and a very merry valentine's day to you.

guide to getting it on: a belated thank you

i've been going through a funk of sorts.

and it's lasted entirely too long. 

getting out of bed has been hard.

today (the first day off in two weeks) was spent doing nothing but reading. in bed.  it was perfection.

but now i know it's time to move on. to get out of bed. and live like a normal person. 

and check things off my list.

so this is way overdue, but better late than never.

remember this post?

well, paul joannides made good on his promise. and i now have guide to getting it on: sixth edition.

i know you're not meant to judge a book by its cover, but i love the new cover! i can't wait to peruse the pages and see what's new. when paul offered to send me the book he also sent along a lovely email...

Life can be--uh--interesting for new grads.

Now, just wondering. What college did you graduate from, with what degree, and if you have a job, what sorts of things are you doing? Oh, and if things are different in the world of love and sex than they were when you were in college, in what ways are they different.

Sorry to be so nosey, but while I'm pretty familiar with the situation on college campuses, a lot of you more or less drop off the face of the planet the first couple of years out of college, and it's helpful for me to know the kinds of issues you are facing so I can be more sensitive to it.

I can remember how awful it was for me, but that was so far back in time we humans were still egg-layers. I would think it would be wonderful if there were some way for the transition to be fun and exciting--but I've also heard some horror stories about young guys going to work on Wall Street for next to nothing, living in a 5-story walk-up studio that's barely big enough for them and the cockroaches.

Then again, I'm sure there are other recent grads who are in a good situation, good job, and are having a blast.

So any thoughts or observations you might have for me would be wonderful, not that you aren't blogging about that.

Best,

Paul

Well, as most of you know I'm a Juilliard grad with a BFA in theatre.

 I work six days a week, earning next to nothing, and just barely cover the rent of my one bedroom apartment (I live in the living room--so my roommate and I basically don't have a common area). 

I have found the transition from college to the real world to be near impossible (of course the economy has not made it any easier). And even though I go through periods where it's hard to get out of bed, I do love my life. Thoroughly and deeply I do. The best thing about leaving school has been the realization that endless opportunities abound. I get to choose who my friends are, what I do with my day, and I am responsible for the creation of art. So life is hard. Near impossible most days. But good. And thank goodness for that. 

Now as for the romance....I've been on one blind date since I've graduated. That's it. Match. com is looking better every day. Any suggestions, Paul? Where should I go to meet men?

And as for the bloggers out there...help me give Paul some info. What was your transition like after college? And the dating scene in the years after school...what was that like for you?

thank you...or so i feel.

how can i thank you all for your unbelievably kind comments? your unwavering support. your understanding of something that is so far beyond understanding?

perhaps our greatest strengths lie in those things we think make us weak? perhaps it's all a matter of perspective?

one of the very first things i did at juilliard was attend a memorial service for a drama student who had been killed the year before. it was devastating. and i cried. i didn't know the girl, but i cried for lost love and lost life and lost beauty.

one of her classmates read the following during the service and i'll forever carry it with me.

my blogspot address (or-so-i-feel) is taken from it. so, as a thank you i want to share this once more (it was one of my very first ever posts {back when i had not a clue what i was doing or getting myself into}) but it's worth it to post it all over again...

A Poet's Advice

e. e. cummings

A poet is somebody who feels, and who expresses his feelings through
words.

This may sound easy. It isn't.

A lot of people think or believe or know they feel—but that's
thinking or believing or knowing; not feeling. And poetry is
feeling—not knowing or believing or thinking.

Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single
human being can be taught to feel. Why? Because whenever you think
or you believe or you know, you're a lot of other people: but the
moment you feel, you're nobody-but-yourself.

To be nobody-but-yourself—in a world which is doing its best, night
and day, to make you everybody else—means to fight the hardest
battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

As for expressing nobody-but-yourself in words, that means working
just a little harder than anybody who isn't a poet can possible
imagine. Why? Because nothing is quite as easy as using words like
somebody else. We all of us do exactly this nearly all of the
time—and whenever we do it, we are not poets.

If, at the end of your first ten or fifteen years of fighting and
working and feeling, you find you've written one line of one poem,
you'll be very lucky indeed.

And so my advice to all young people who wish to become poets is: do
something easy, like learning how to blow up the world—unless you're
not only willing, but glad, to feel and work and fight till you die.

Does this sound dismal? It isn't.

It's the most wonderful life on earth.

Or so I feel.

the photo is from on of my absolute

 favorite blogs, Una Bella Vita A Beautiful Life...

the images and quotes always move me.

A very belated thank you.

The very lovely shill, al la (love, shill) designs really gorgeous pieces of jewelry. I was so lucky that at the end of the year she sent some my way and yesterday I got to give Naomi her share of the loot. You know what really makes a tea party? Pretty, pretty jewelry. So thank you, thank you Shill...more pictures will follow for sure, but for now here's a sampling and a first attempt at using paintbrush (I learned to type in middle school because of instant messaging and I have a feeling I'm going to pick up design skills thanks to blogging!).

Check it out at love, shill

I had the best day ever...

...because my absolutely gorgeous friend Naomi so graciously invited me to see her and her unbelievably dashing husband speak at their church. It was humbling and beautiful and really moving to see what makes the Mormon faith and culture so special. I think its unbelievably courageous and nothing short of an act of love to stand up in front of a group of people (strangers and friends alike) and reveal yourself. To share your beliefs, dreams, hopes, regrets, thoughts, reflections, and thanks. So thank you for sharing that with me.

And then something truly remarkable happened. We made pizza. Naomi is a domestic goddess. She claims she isn't but my keen eye sees otherwise. I mean c'mon she made the dough from scratch. That's right, scratch. And then when she realized she didn't have a rolling pin, did she panic? No, no. A lesser woman might have. But not Naomi. She opened the cupboard pulled out a drinking glass and started rolling away. 

The only thing better than seeing this woman in action was seeing it while she recounted the unfinished love story that is her and Josh. Oh yeah...and there were some chocolate chip cookies involved. That might have helped. 

I laughed and marveled and satiated my bottomless pit. It was a good day. A very, very good day.

so she waved her wand and came up with this...

good lookin' cookin'

voila... (okay, so maybe it looks kinda scary, but I think its just the angle of the photo)

besides, the beauty of the table more than made up for it

naomi, you are a goddess. look at this picture. now look at how thin my arm looks. thank you, oh thank you!

the father face strikes again. ah, will I ever have a normal picture? josh looks normal, what's wrong with me?

what's this you ask? i'll tell you...

...only one of my favorite parts of the day.

Naomi taught me that to avoid the tears onions undoubtedly bring on (always) one should just keep a piece of bread in your mouth. I wondered at this. My mother had shown me a way to stop the tears...run your hands under cold water. But to avoid them altogether? Impossible. Or was it? Well... the jury's still out. We tried, but this is how it went down.

Bread in mouth.

Attempted conversation...garggled sounds....giggles...laughter. Bread removed. Translation of noises. Followed by tears. 

Oh, the tears!

So next time, we'll keep the bread in the whole time. I have a good feeling about it. I think she might just be right.

So thank you Naomi. Thank you Josh. Thanks for being my friends. 

La, la, la...my life is really good!

So Long Summer.

Dear Summer, 

       

I will miss you. I will miss you ever so much.

You began with a little thing known as graduation, for which my entire family (well, a large number of them) trekked to NYC to experience. And to those who came, most especially my parents, I must apologize. I was not excited. At all. Yes, I wanted to be done with school, but the actual pomp and circumstance associated with it--no thank you, not now. Juilliard met me half-way. If graduations are usually like four course meals at a five-star restaurants, Juilliard skips the meal altogether and just serves the shot of espresso that usually comes at the end.  So, here I offer up my promise that I will make this up to my family in the years that come. With parties and shindigs and events that far outweigh what any graduation could offer. 

I take after my father. I can't take a straight picture to save my life. Goofy face? Check.

Then summer you obliged me by letting me return home to Texas (home, Texas, one sentence? wow, I never thought I'd publicly put those two things together--ever) where I applied for jobs that had nothing to do with theatre and spent the evenings sprawled in a large leather chair enjoying books and reruns. I ended up at a lovely little retail shop where I made next to nothing, but learned more than you might think possible...

1. a big rock on the left hand does not entitle you to be a bitch

2. showing up on time is so easy to do and will so endear you to the people you work for

3. gossip is wasted energy

4. its possible to like almost anyone if you give them a chance and let go of your own ego

5. when raising children don't begin with the question: how do I make my child a good person? this will become overwhelming and you'll end up getting nowhere...instead you must teach them the simple things like look someone in the eye, say please and thank you, clean up after yourself, offer up words of kindness, no one exists simply to serve you (oh, and you're not your child's friend, you're their parent)

6. doing simple little things in life will take you such a long way

7. when taking in criticism, the person offering it isn't interested in your excuses, they just just want to know you've heard what they've said

And before heading back to Manhattan I took a lovely, little vacation (my first true one in a year and half) to Chautauqua. The previous two years I had been there as a "theatre student" (as Jonathan would say) and had met some of the most amazing people a girl could ever hope to know. Well, this go round I was there as a tourist and I loved it. I ate more food than I knew what to do with because Karen, my adopt-a-mom, cooks like Monet painted, or Neruda wrote. I read (after all this was the summer of my never-ending-book) and I slept and I went swimming and I made new friends. 

Summer, I must thank you for this most especially. New friends. Lovely friends. People whose path I had no right to cross and others I knew, but got to fall in love with in ways I never dreamed possible. Friends who have armed me with a new and deep knowledge, who serve as springboards for ideas, and instigators for trouble. Friends who make me laugh and laugh and laugh. Who give me reason to smile and giggle and want make secrets just so I can whisper them in their ears. Friends who I thought I would never see again because our friendship had run its course, only to realize I need them now more than ever. 

Whitney--I'm so glad you walked in to Francesca's and we got to reconnect. I feel really, really lucky to know you.

Ariana--seeing you this summer reminded me of this: you are my family and the keeper of my secrets. And I love you in so many ways. And we're gonna be okay. We're gonna find jobs and create lives others will only dream of.

Nicole--where were you the first 22 years of my life? Now that I found you, I'm never letting you go.

Jonathan--I'm so glad we got to spend time together, and you finally go to see that human side of me. I look forward to countless mint chocolate chip adventures in the future. 

Naomi--I admired you from afar for four years and now am so excited to get to play with you in the city. I actually have to admit, I'm still intimidated (even now) by how beautiful, intelligent, and self-possessed (not to mention talented) you are. You're blog opened up this glorious world to me and for that I'll forever be indebted. 

 

Vic--you were my friend through the worst of it and now we get to be friends through the best of it. I love exploring with you and trying new things and talking about those old bugaboos (of course looking forward to the day when they won't enter into our conversation at all). I love that Rob makes you so happy and you him.

Rob--I'm so proud of you. And so lucky to be able to tell you everything, even if it grosses you out and you choose to take three steps away from me. 

Gavin--As long as the offer stands, my answer will always be: yes, yes, let's run away together.

So thank you summer. 

Summer of the red door (I see them everywhere). 

Summer of the never-ending-book.

Summer of goodbyes...so long school, farewell Ned.

Summer of discovery. Summer of finding out that love is everywhere... in everything and everyone if you just open yourself up to it.

And of course...summer of you, my little blog-spot lover.

So summer, thank you. But now it's time for fall. Time for me to start working. Time for me to turn twenty-three. And time to at least give this acting thing a go of it.

See you next year my sweet and sinful season. 

'til we meet again, 'til we meet again,

Meg

If there is a list to be made I will find it and I will make it...

because now...I have this...

It's like the secret weapon of to do lists and love lists and "the secret" lists and gratitude lists. 

And speaking of gratitude let me start here. 

Thank you. Thank you for this beautiful gift and your friendship and love and constant support. Thank you for opening your arms to me and making me feel at home. Thank you for your constant presence and the promise of future adventures. Thank you for all those things that I will never adequately be able to give voice to.

All the love I have,

Meg