i used to think i couldn't sleep next to the men i cared about because i was afraid they'd leave.
it took some time to learn that i wasn't so much afraid they'd leave as utterly excited that they would stay, and night would turn to morning, and i'd wake to two coffees and a shared newspaper and a filled silence.
and it was that excitement that kept me from sleep, stretching the night forever in front of me.
so i'd lie there, eyes open, like a child, whispering,
wake up, wake up, i'm ready to play now.