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10.09.2012

on living alone. and the small joys.

sunflower looking down (1 of 1)
anatomy of a work area
home, sweet home
paper towels and flowers
eggs2 (1 of 1)
sunflower (1 of 1)


i'll be the first to admit that living alone can be somewhat lonely. but good lord is it wonderful.

having some of my friends gathered into the small space this last week reminded me of that--preparing for their arrival reminded me of that. the joy of cleaning. of a clean bathroom. and wiped-down kitchen sink. the joy of buying paper towels and flowers at the grocery story that i can walk to. (i remember having a roommate's meeting at my last apartment about half-way through our last year together and there being a discussion of expenses and who pays for what and what we use and one person said, well i don't use the paper towels so i don't want to pay for them. and i probably-not-so-calmly said, I WILL PAY FOR THEM. I WILL PAY FOR THE PAPER TOWELS. AND THIS IS AN OFFICIAL INVITATION FOR YOU TO USE THEM: HELP YOURSELF). which is to say, there is a special sort of joy in those cloth-white-sheets. a special sort of joy in opening the fridge and not wondering what is mine. in keeping the eggs in one of those special egg-crate-containers.

the small joys add up to a different quality of life. one that is wholly and altogether different, but only has meaning because of all that came before. so strangely enough i am thankful for each time i paused before my front door wondering what i'd walk in on. each roommate meeting i wanted nothing to do with. each time i danced before the bathroom door wondering if i'd make it until whoever was in there GOT-THE-HELL-OUT. i am thankful for all that came before. and for having to made it to the other side--to this place that feeds me in so many ways.

24 comments:

Kerry said...

I lived alone (in midtown, lord help me) for a year before getting a roommate. It was my FIRST year here - really here, not back and forth from jobs - and I was so lonely all the time. But I still recall that delicious feeling of walking through my front door, knowing it was mine and mine alone, and the relief that washed over me. It's a special kind of lonely. I'm glad you're experiencing all of it and love that you buy yourself flowers. Never understood waiting on men to buy them :) x

Hayley said...

Love buying those little things. For me it was always cleaning supplies!

Rae said...

Amen amen AMEN! After 3 1/2 years with roommates in the city I finally got my own tiny studio on the UWS two years ago and have never once missed roommates. It is occasionally lonely, but guess what? Occasionally I was lonely when I had roommates too.
I buy myself flower too. Without fail people always ask who they're from. There is no reason to wait for someone to buy you flowers.

Athalia said...

Your home is dreamlike beautiful! How do you ladies do it? May I please save these photos for inspiration? xxx

http://athaliawrites.blogspot.co.uk/

Ruth said...

Can I tell you -- I've written this post in my head, preemptively, many times. Trying to grasp these emotions and live this energy before they've come to be. The day when I move out, into a space of my own, with my own bathroom and eggs and paper towels -- a post like this will most surely be written. It will be a celebration! There will be many times, like today, when I'll lose hope that it'll ever happen (though, soon! It must be soon!) and I'll think on this post and remember that yes, it is possible. You've made it possible for yourself -- and this gives me faith. Thank you for writing this xo

Alexa said...

living alone is one of the best things i have ever done. i can't imagine, for all the rest of my life, not having had this time for and of myself.

so happy you are happy!

Diana said...

I so agree with the seniment here, and I find the thankfulness you mentioned to be present in many aspects of life. Personally, I never really appreciate all of something unless I've first experienced it in all of its unloveliness.

Your apartment is beautiful!

Hanna Lei said...

Your home is beautiful! http://www.hannamarielei.com/

sarah nicole said...

Amen! Living alone is so wonderful. Even after 6 years, I still appreciate it.

You have a beautiful place.

Sarah

ameena said...

after years and years of living with roommates i am finally taking the plunge in to living alone in january and i am just downright giddy at the thought.

Abby said...

Even though I live with a partner now, I do miss those days of living alone. I was lonely at times, yes, but I also loved those evenings when I had nothing more to do than put on a movie and cook for hours. No one cared if I stunk up the place with bacon or Thai food.

Also, I still buy myself flowers every week. It's the little things.

Alex said...

I love that you share your home and your words. I love reading and seeing all of it. Thank you.

Rachael said...

Cute apartment!! I wish I lived alone, but right now I live with my sister, and I really can't complain! Luckily we get along pretty well, but I do dream of the day when I can have my place, and decorate it, all my own! Although it will be lonely though. But sometimes I feel like I'm on my own already. My sister is gone a lot at her guy's place. So I sort of get the best of both worlds.

Anacristina said...

it's the little things like being able to do what you want in your home that makes a difference.

x's & o's
Anacristina
laughsandicecream.blogspot.com

colleen said...

i love living alone. love everything about it. and i will miss it dearly when it's gone.

Emily said...

I'm in my first year of college, and I've never shared a space with someone before, so adjusting to the whole roommate thing has been interesting. I'm so grateful for those times when I come back from class and the room is empty. I just take a breath and settle in for that small space of time where the room is mine and mine alone.

Emily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
stefanie hurtado said...

haha, you're cute. and your apartment looks lovely.

can't even imagine how nice that must be.

Ju said...

Your apartment looks really nice and welcoming. I love the flowers and all the natural light. And the wood floor - don't you just love it? Your apartment makes me really happy.
Congrats on your place, a place that is all yours.
Ju

Luka, said...

your floor, oh that floor.
i love how you are able to see alone as a freedom.

The Childlike Empress said...

i've just gone from living on my own to living with lots of people again...its an adjustment.

p.s.
the sunflowers and dried lavender were my wedding flowers...good combination!

The Childlike Empress said...

i've just gone from living on my own to living with lots of people again...its an adjustment.

p.s.
the sunflowers and dried lavender were my wedding flowers...good combination!

Treasure Tromp said...

I've not sure if I would be able to live alone. I get really lonely and am still convinced that there are monsters under the bed. And I'm only half kidding :)

Caroline said...

The one and only time that I have ever lived alone was after my (ex)husband moved out last August. The loneliness was hard, but man oh man, do I miss it now. My roommate is fairly laid back, but there is so much to be said about having your own food (and only your food) to choose from in the fridge. About leaving windows open to catch the breeze without worrying about someone else's comfort. About knowing that the overflowing closets are full of things that you are free to purge. Or to hold on to for just one more year. Instead of dropping hopeful hints to that someone else who also has access to them. I can't wait for next April when I can go back to a studio of my own.