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2.14.2012

dinner.

i had an almond-milk-latte for dinner, tonight. well, that and a large chocolate-chip cookie from the baked-goods section of whole foods. i mean, okay so it was vegan and surely that counts for something?  but in terms of sugar...loaded and isn't that the front i'm trying to cut back on?

funny thing is, i was actually quite hungry--the kind of odd sits-under-your-ribs-painful kind of hunger. but nothing spoke to me. i circled the salad bar, weight the couscous versus quinoa versus my usual go-to of crispy falafel bites. even wandered over to the pizzas.

not one thing appealed.

well, one thing: sugar.

it was stress. the stress called out for it. and for something warm to hold between the hands. the fact that i could dip the cookie into the warm drink? icing on the cake, icing on the cake.

it was my second latte of the day.

the first was mid-afternoon. an attempt to combat a cloying exhaustion. the second, proverbial icing for the stress sugar in cookie form.

forgive yourself this dinner. forgive yourself this moment. those were my thoughts standing in the middle of whole foods, readying to head downtown for the first rehearsal in the actual space.

and you know what? i did. immediately i did. i granted myself forgiveness. and few things have felt better.

after all, i had spent my day making pretty good choices (raw savory coconut rounds and all). and given that i wasn't holding a box of entemenan's pop-ems, i figured this choice wasn't all that bad. could be worse.

balance and moderation. and forgiveness.

19 comments:

Taylor said...

Vegan cookies definitely count for something. You could go way worse. Those are so good. I've been craving something rich and deep and dark chocolate all night now. This isn't helping.

ritika said...

"balance and moderation. and forgiveness."
you couldn't have summed it up better.
and i read it somewhere, key to good health is, follow one meal-gone-wrong with 5 super healthy meals, that you you end up eating good, 90 percent of the time. :)

ritika said...

and a very happy valentine's day to you

meg fee said...

@ ritika, ahhh, five meals in a row now?! that seems like such pressure. here's to giving it a go!

Jane said...

sometimes sugar is just what you need to not drive yourself crazy. maybe i made brussel sprouts for dinner tonight, and ended up throwing them away. i feel fine about it.

a day with kate said...

AMEN to moderation. and forgiveness.

Oh goodness, I'd love a big chocolate chip cookie right about now ;)

paddle to shore said...

I definitely agree with Jane, sometimes you just have to eat sugar so that you don't completely lose it, and those vegan cookies from Whole Foods are just so darn good!! xo

withoutizy said...

in my little czechland i've almost entirely given up sugar... the family i stay with doesn't eat it, so i just don't have access to it on a daily basis... when i go to prague sometimes i have it, but often sugary things taste too sweet now. maybe try to soothe your cravings with some fruit? but i digress; one cookie is not so bad.

Alexa said...

amen amen amen. and Happy Valentine's!

Eurasian said...

Moderation, simple theory, Sisyphean endeavor for me. Just like with exercise, I feel comfortable on either side of the extremes, but a reasonable sustainable regiment? Still struggling.
Moderate food treats? Still struggling.

haley said...

Ooo I do miss cookies from whole foods! And i totally understand your feelings on this, but forgiveness and moderation is a good policy <3

Lottie said...

one cookie is not bad especially as it is vegan.

Lov ethat line: "balance and moderation. and forgiveness" am going to try and keep tht in mind.

debbiecutieface.com said...

please don't ever associate food with guilt.

Mary said...

Balance, moderation, and forgiveness. Damn straight.

Sarah Ann said...

Thanks for writing this.

I've been struggling to re-evaluate an already terrible relationship with food, one made worse after I had a baby.

For the past four weeks, I've been eating BASICALLY vegan and raw when I can (so hard in the winter). But this time 'round, I've been so easy on myself. Normally I just make one mistake and fall apart. Or I give myself too many allowances. But I've found myself bending here, standing firm there, as if food and I are actually starting to understand each other.

And your words about eating, how you've shared your story...I've been able to relate to them SO MUCH. So you forgiving yourself and eating that cookie? It's just like a pat on my own back too. :)

Mackenzie said...

i love this. and you know, somedays merit a cookie latte dinner. or as i call them, mondays.

Alex said...

this is beautiful. sometimes, a cookie and nothing else suffices

Kate said...

Something sweet every once in a great while is not a bad thing. Sometimes, it's just what's needed.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Really, really, needed to read this today. BREATH. FORGIVE. Carry on...