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7.15.2011

summer in the city.



it was so hot in new york the other day.

so hot that i wanted nothing more than to get home, strip to my bones, get as close to the floor as possible and just lie there. not move. just press into any remaining winter that the floor might've retained.

instead i purchased a pint of ben and jerry's at the corner store and trekked down the hill, toward the river, breathing in the heavy, still, hot air.

i was barely in the elevator before i could take it no longer. off the top of that ice cream flew and there i found myself face first in a pint of ben and jerry's half-baked.

no spoon.  just dove right in.

it was not a pretty sight. me face first in a pint of ice cream.

and as i was there getting equal parts cold and mess all over, the thought i kept coming back to was: if something were to happen to me. if in the next few days something really bad were to happen and the police had to go looking for some trace or trail, they'd come across this. this elevator surveillance. of me. face first. pint of ice cream.

i weighed my odds. sent up a prayer for my continued health and safety. and sojourned on (foodie that i am).

and just as the elevator neared the sixth floor, the doors opened and my fifth-floor neighbor stepped on-- the one who always says hello--the one with the children i remember to ask about. he appraised me. smiled. said something about catching me in a weak moment.

and i just stood there, pint in hand. one painful floor more. face covered in chocolate and flushed with being-found-out.

i finally arrived home. pulled out a bowl. plucked a spoon from the drawer. stripped to a tank and shorts. situated myself directly in front of the fan and carefully (and demurely) ate what was left.


new york city living really is terribly glamorous. and sometimes a gal shouldn't have to wait.



57 comments:

Jenni Austria Germany said...

oh my goodness. very rarely do i laugh out loud while reading blog posts. the elevator surveillance thought, though, really got me....mostly because this sounds just like something i'd do. cake batter, ice cream, anything.

Lottie said...

I love this makes me laugh, you should see me with chocolate.

Thanks for your comment on my blog, it made my day!

communikate. said...

Ha!! Elevator footage.

Thank you.

I needed a laugh.

Ashley said...

I could totally picture every scene. Thanks for making me smile this morning. :))

Chelsea said...

hahaha! oh how i love your blog and your stories :)

MG said...

I did this the other day...with watermelon...not just any watermelon. A slice of it and made a damn mess. It was hilarious. I totally know what you mean about laying on the floor, really still. I do it all the time. How I yearn for the days of central air!

Jessica Holly said...

Oh my. I'm literally laughing out loud. That is funny, and wonderful. I'm glad I'm not the only one who's done that! Sometimes spoons are way overrated.

Laura Marie said...

Haha this reminds me of the times (yes, plural--twice, to be exact) that Radley has spied me with my fingers scooping from the peanut butter jar...

laurrdunn said...

this was an awesome post to start the day...made me laugh so hard! ice cream looooveeeee!

by r. said...

oh yes, i agree. bravo to you for that unglamorous face-plant! and for telling us about it:)

marli said...

your blogs is absolutely one of my favorites. and i read a lot of blogs. you are truly special and a very talented writer. everything wonderful you wish for yourself is coming for you... just keep thinking about it and writing it down.

christine said...

sometimes good ice cream is sooooo worth that face plant.

Brissa said...

that silent prayer bit was gold. i'm the exact same way.

Mocha Mornings said...

You are hysterical.

I just spent a week in Oregon, where the temperature never got above 70. I'm back in the midwest now, and it's 10am and 100 degrees. I want nothing more than my face unabashedly buried in a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked.

Erin {pughs' news} said...

Sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

Love this post, Meg.

VibrantGrace said...

Love this!!! Ha! Too funny, and oh so relatable!

homeseed said...

wish I could get a peek at the elevator surveillance!! hysterical. seriously. too good.

Erin said...

So real and raw and perfect. So funny! I've had so many similar moments that I've lost count... and I don't even live in a big city.

~BB~ said...

how funny! I laughed at the mental image, haha. I know your pain though - the first thing I do after work {everyday} these days is strip down to my skivvies and eat a popsicle in front of the oscillating fan. The heat this summer is positively oppressive!

Anait said...

you make stuffing your face on an elevator sound charming ;) I've had occasions at my old job where I would eat lunch at my desk and just as I've taken a HUGE bite, a co-worker or my boss would come up to ask a question....

c.norm. said...

Hahaha This made me laugh. I am purposely awkward in elevators just for that reason. Haha I have crazy chicken dance parties, stand facing the corner opposite to the door, etc. The ideas can be endless.

Rachel said...

I smiled at and empathized with your situation! You are absolutely right - sometimes we shouldn't have to wait. Desperate times call for desperate measures!

Zon-leblogdezon said...

I haven't been following your blog for long but I'm addicted! You have such a way with words :) I completely understand the senario. When I go grocery shopping and I drive my car, I always pick up a car snack for the drive home.

Sarah said...

good for you!!

jorjiapeach said...

i adore your writing. and your humor in this candid moment. thank you.

Kelly said...

This post made me incredibly happy : )

anabella said...

whahahahaha that was gloriously hilarious.

Heather McD (Heather Eats Almond Butter) said...

OK, I don't know you at all. One of my friends just emailed me the URL to your blog thinking I might like it. And after reading this post, all I can say is I love you. :)

kerrie elaine said...

you are a love in this world. xo

katielizabethawkes said...

what's summer w/o cutting loose? oh....totally gave some of your writing a shout-out on my blog today. because i love it. now my masses of followers will come look at your blog....on ice cream blog day. ahaha. i hope you find it funny too....don't worry, if they're still reading MY blog, they're capable of putting up with a little ice cream weakness. http://katielizabethawkes.blogspot.com

Brittany said...

face first in ice cream is funny, yes, but i was laughing more about you wondering what the police would think. i often wonder what little clues i'm leaving that someone could figure me out with. too much csi, i say.

amanda jane said...

Well hello! I too was shown your blog through Namoi and love every bit about it. You have such a way with words. I've most definitely added your blog to my list of daily favorites.

DINAH CLAIRE said...

I love coming home and taking off all my clothes. That was the beauty of living up high when I did - 5 stories above the church next door - I never closed the blinds. I could be naked; I would dance in front of the moon.

DINAH CLAIRE said...

P.S. You're killing me with this picture. TGIF and the Red Wagon Creamery will be at the Farmers' Market in one hour.

Kate said...

I've had many weak moments in my life. And I almost always get caught. Next time you decide to break down and get ya some Ben and Jerry's I highly suggest Ben and Jerry's Late Night Snack. It is killer.

viktorija said...

Ha! Too funny!

Taylor said...

I totally relate to the laying on the ground and finding any bit of cold left. I actually posted something similar. I live in Arizona. I feel your pain.

annelise said...

Oh my, this is hilarious! The whole surveillance is too funny. When it's hot, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Autumn said...

I am laughing. So. Hard.

I am glad to know other people have these moments too.

Alisha said...

I wanted to do that with my pizza as soon as it finished baking. it look so damn good. but then I thought it would make this 105F degree heat rise to oh, about 400F degrees. against my face.

Becky [This Road Called Vida] said...

Awesome post! Who needs a spoon when you've got a face? =)

Ashley and Patrick said...

This made me laugh out loud. I would totally do this...and get caught. :) Hahaha hope it's cooled down out there!

vanessa joie said...

i loved this. i have a 5 yr old niece who says "i'm not the waiting kind of girl".

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

haha :-) I am not exactly the patient type either, and I know what New York feels like in the summer, so I don't judge ;-)

Besides, I can hardly resist chocolate ice cream even when it isn't hotter than hell!

jasmine said...

HA! so good, meg. so good.

Diana said...

you bring me back to nyc each time.

Deanna said...

I just recently stumbled across your blog through Naomi's blog! I absolutely LOVE your writing style and am enjoying reading everything!

wildchild said...

yumm that picture looks so delicious. and good for you, throwing all caution to the wind and just going at the ben and jerrys. a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

pg said...

that ice cream calls to me.

Devika said...

I love this blog.
Thank you for writing it.

Ana* said...

ben and jerry's is my middle name.

dull boy said...

are you telling me that in the us of a, a 'pint' is not a beer, it is an ice-cream???

(in a pub, do you order a single cone of millers?)

Jay said...

i would have loved to see that elevator footage!! on the other hand, might i suggest you always carry a spoon? just in case om an emergency ;)

Alex said...

Never leave the ice cream waiting, I say!!

meg said...

Heroic!

Life Happens said...

We all have moments of weakness! Girl's gotta have her ice cream!

Rachael said...

OOoh my gosh! This was TOO funny and exactly the sort of thing I'd have done!!! You're hilarious.