the girl's greatest fear--if the girl was really honest with herself--was that you could find the man--the man you'd follow to the ends of the earth--the man for whom you'd lay down your life and sacrifice and work and love for--and that he'd then find that woman. in someone else.
because the fairy tales told as a child never allowed for this possibility. and perhaps they should have?
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what about the part where there's not even a woman involved and the man whom you'd sacrifice everything for finds that passion in something else, like his desire to travel? independence? I am starting to think that the cure to avoiding those men is putting oneself first.
but they should have portrayed this scenario in the fairy tale stories.
I completely, 100% understand this fear. Love is so chance-based, it's insane anyone finds it at all. And I fear a great many more people don't actually ever find the real thing, and instead just settle.
you know, i have no idea if i will marry my boyfriend (if i didn't have the inclination, i wouldn't be dating him, but only time will tell) but we still always marvel at the fact that we are actually together and that it's working. only because our meeting was so random and we both liked each other SO much SO immediately, that sometimes (to this day, after months and months), we still turn to each other and say, "isn't it such a coincidence that you are SO in love with me and i am SO in love with you?!". i always think, "what if i had met him, had the same feelings, and he had had a girlfriend?". my dad always tells me, "don't ever mistake something for mere coincidence" and i like to believe him.
ten points if you can make ANY sense out of that comment. ...but i suspect you'll get me.
wow so true. and scary. and I agree with Ana here, we put ourselves first... tough realization indeed.
And I'm terribly afraid that this has already happened to me.
Life is so incredibly coincidental.
You know this used to be my fear too, not just that it would happen but that I'd never recover from it. And then it happened. And it hurt like hell. But then one day I got up and dusted myself off and realized that I'd been at my bottom and I'd survived, and even more surprising - that it had all been worth it.
Although I'm still waiting for my fairy tale. :)
Yes, I agree with you - but in more the sense that Ana is referring to. I have found the man that I'd follow to the ends of the earth. I believe he does truly love me. However, I am realizing that he loves his job more. I don't know if I always want to be second to someone's work... (the ironic part is... I liked him so much in the beginning because I thought it was so sexy how passionate he was about his work - years later, I'm wishing he spoke about me with as much excitement as he does about his job)
but we've got to try. because what if you're the woman he gives it all up for. that re-direction of passion that we ache for. it's possible and it's out there. and someday, my pretty friend, you'll find the man who looks at you and watches everything else, every big boulder in his life, fall to pebbles.
It's like that Taylor Swift (judge me) song, Enchanted. It's all about meeting this person who you feel instantly drawn to, and the last line of the chorus is "please don't be in love with someone else".
Oh my. This is my life right now.
THIS.
oh this is so right on.
i've always thought it's the oddest thing when two people are mutually smitten with each other! i mean, what are the odds? but it happens every day.
i've always thought it's the oddest thing when two people are mutually smitten with each other! i mean, what are the odds? but it happens every day.
Obviously, I'm not a girl, but I can relate.
While I understand this feeling--and when you think about it the fact that one can find that person in the first place, out of the billions in the world, is a miracle--but I still think it's worth looking for. It's so easy to put up walls, to be afraid of getting hurt. But what about those times when it all works out? Or when it leads to something different? I vow never to give up my hope in love.
Yep, fairy tales kind of set us up didn't they. My roommates and I always used to joke that Disney ruined our lives :) You are very correct though!
Meg you are my soul sister. Its like everything I feel you write its sort of funny how one person can write a simple paragraph that sums up your entire thought process. I ponder about this a lot too...I wonder sometimes if the feelings I feel for a certain someone, if they knew or understood the love that I felt..How could they possibly chose someone else. how could we not be soul mates. how could we not be a fairy tale. How do you care for someone so much and yet the one you love somehow still choose someone else?...so many thoughts...i should stop rambling now. I do believe in love...just like any other girl sometimes it just hurts a little.
I'm going to sound really naive, but I really do believe that everything works out for a reason. That if it doesn't work out between two people, it wasn't supposed. Because someone even more amazing is waiting around the corner :)
... then he's just the wrong guy.
I know I'm lucky to have him because he knows that he's lucky to have me, if that makes sense...
Definitely a valid fear, however, I would never say to avoid real love because of that fear. This life is short and those moments of true love can be everything in making it meaningful. Also, the passion that you have inside of you for living, for growing and challenging yourself... would be displaced to be all put in a man. I believe it is possible to be vulnerable, and love with your whole heart, while remaining yourself- and I think the part of you that stays committed to you, is the part of you that keeps him forever. :)
Mmm. iIt perplexes me so very much how this happens. How one can be in love, but the other not. But I do agree that it is for a reason. It will all turn out for the better. And that's the exciting part. We just wait for time to reveal.
I understand this fear so, so much. I believe, though, that even when our good hearts tell us that someone is amazing, and the ONE for us, if we aren't the ONE for them, then there is someone out there who IS the one. Does that make any sense? Haha! What I think I'm trying to say is, if we're meant to be with someone, as much as we've thought we were meant to be with others in the past, that someone will find and follow US to the ends of the earth. We just always have to have that faith :)
I agree 100%, I think it's every girl's fear. But I try not to think about, if it happens I'll deal with it then.
Someday your Prince will come. And he will lead you to the ends of the earth. He will cherish you, and shower you with love... Hold on to hope. I experienced many broken dreams and crushed relationships before I met my husband. With those heartbreaks, came so much pain and sadness... but each day I woke up trusting that there was something more, and that that was why those other dreams shattered... because they just weren't meant to be. And today, I am glad that they did. The breakup, the being less than what 'he' wanted... was all for a reason. My Husband Shawn is far better than all those boys/men that I thought were perfect for me!
I am glad you are so honest. It's scary feeling like you'll never truly be wanted in the way your heart desires... Hold on though.
I would give you a thousand hugs and cover you with so many words of encouragement if I could.
You are not alone.
xo
oh this is so, so true. like the girls above, i've been ruined by disney, but i like to think that this man might find me as soon as i'm doing something i love. like traveling independently, studying an exciting subject, dancing. and that would then make him love me and everything all the more sweet. but then again, that might just be disney in my brain talking.
I think this is all of our worst fears...
mmmm wow, so true. well-stated.
There are worse things. Like when he doesn't tell you that he's already found 'the one,' and you realize that you are just a game he plays, and he never intended to see you as anything more than that.
But fairy tales don't need to tell that story, not ever.
God, so gut wrenching. I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry about this sometimes.
This happened to me, but I'm only twenty three, so perhaps the ending's not written yet.
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