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1.11.2011

a snow-filled stroll through the park.


central park stroll (pre-cry)


i found myself sobbing in central park last friday. big, loud walloping sobs as i plodded through the falling snow.

and it felt so damn good.

i cry often in new york. at the most inopportune times. in the strangest--and most public--of places. my saving grace is that i'm a quiet crier. small, silent tears.

but on friday, in the park, amongst all that snow and white and absolute quiet i unleashed some powerful sobs. it seemed safe there. as though all that space and white would quickly swallow them up.

it wasn't a sadness that prompted the tears. well, yes, i suppose it was sadness. but it was the sadness of someone else. a stranger. and a stunning display of humanity that i wasn't meant to see. and that person's unfurling stirred my own residual silt. and just exactly as new york was transformed into a snow-globe, i witnessed my own inner swirling. of past emotions--failings and frustrations and countless mistakes. and it seemed so dirty this inner silt. so dark, so different than the the white before me, the white beneath my feet.

but as i walked, and as i sobbed, i felt the dark pieces fall out of me. and no, i didn't look back. but i knew. knew the snow swallowed them whole.

for me snow, more than anything else, is about healing and rebirth.

29 comments:

A Serenade for Solitude said...

so, so good. I love the rawness of this...a past time of mine, similar in nature, wallowed up in my chest as you described this moment. How freeing. xo

mama said...

so beautiful.

i feel that way about tears in the summer heat and am cleansed by wiping them away from my hot cheeks.

CrowNology said...

white magic

happy new year meg.
love the new{?} banner...
xo
andrea

{whispering in the still whiteness}

Jenni Austria Germany said...

i used to cry all the time when i lived in salzburg. sometimes sadness, sometimes just the snow itself made me cry, sometimes merely from the city's beauty.

Jay said...

the snow is so innocent and pure, which makes it harder to deny ones feelings and you just have to let it out. a good cry does feel good afterwards though!! best wishes from you know where :)

Emily said...

yes, yes, YES it is.

crying always leaves me feeling better, it is amazing what some good salt water can do for the soul.

jackiek said...

this is so true. sometimes for me just seeing other people live there life and seeing the beauty around me makes me burst into tears.

andrea said...

I feel this way every time I allow myself to actually cry, those big, gasping, gulping sobs you so perfectly described. I tend to be a quiet crier not because it's my nature, but because I'm usually doing everything within my power to NOT cry, to just hold it in a little longer.

The feeling of finally letting myself go, breathe, release the heavy emotion in my chest...freeing.

Thanks for sharing, Meg.

christine said...

Crying is so good for the heart and soul. It's a sign of a soft and pliable heart that is willing to let God do his work.

Mackenzie said...

wow. wow. wow. adore this. i,too, am a public park crier. i found myself bawling in chicago's grant park, in between the trees and buckingham fountain among all the sculptures. and it was probably the most beautiful day that entire year, in the middle of may. but it was the best cry ever. they have that effect of being oddly the worst and best things ever, right? funny how that works out.

Ana* said...

beautifully said. there's something about snow that seems to clean the soul.

C and N said...

really really pretty

SarahAnn said...

Lately, I've been blaming it on pregnancy; but let's face it: I am a weeper. And it feels so, so good.

emily said...

wow. very powerful. i have always felt haunted by the silence of snow. i love it.

Rachel said...

I have a few very powerful memories of sobbing while walking down the streets of Manhattan. Fat, cathartic tears. Because I could.

Marisa said...

I would welcome a good sob...
...beautifully written

The Bright Bit said...

i've cried in public in nyc myself a few times. the human condition can do that to you! i love your blog header!

www.thebrightbit.com

D&D said...

i once read a quote that said, when it snows you can choose to either shovel or make snow angels.

i think the same can be said for life!

Chelsea said...

you're such a talented writer!

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

I love how crying can make everything ok again. It makes it so easy to let everything go.
I hope you're ok now :)

Em said...

oh, that is just how i never knew that i felt about snow! It really is healing, isn't it?

http://alongroute65.blogspot.com/

Em said...

oh, that is just how i never knew that i felt about snow! It really is healing, isn't it?

http://alongroute65.blogspot.com/

Em said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
...love Maegan said...

awe, this is beautiful. I often feel better after a big huge cry.

c.e.l.i.n.a said...

i LOVE crying alone & in public.

Its like so cathartic.
No one dare asks you if you are ok.
& there is something so healing about just letting it out in public, not hiding in your room.

I love to cry it out while driving.

also I hope whatever made you cry, the crying made it better.

& you look hot in that picture.

-theMRS.

Betsey said...

mmm beautiful writing, as always.

ritika said...

where were you when i was in high school? those years would have been so much easier, simpler, with your words around.

Sera said...

oh my gosh, i am so in love with your writing. :)

jprp said...

I Don't even have the words to tell you how this post made me feel, happy, sad, connected etc etc etc