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a new tab.

when i started this wee of a blog i was fearless.

if i wanted to post something, i'd post it. bam. done.

and maybe it's because i was pretty clueless for the most part.

but it was a blissful oblivion.

now i worry what others will think: is it interesting enough? will they like it? does it fit with the overall thrust of the blog (i know, i know, what overall thrust?). what judgement will this-a-way come? what fuel am i providing for ex-boyfriends the world over?

a few weeks ago my friend victoria suggested i share here what i'm doing to get healthy. some of my little tricks and suggestions.

and i was.    hesitant.

because i'm certainly not an authority.

and certainly other people have found more success than i. their paths have been smoother, shorter, done with more grace.

but then i was standing around with a few girls just the other week when one declared she absolutely must lose weight and so today would be the day she'd begin weight watchers again.  and i must've cringed and said that was a terrible idea (or something else totally inappropriate for the situation {i don't know this person very well}) and realizing my mistake i quickly closed my mouth and moved on to other things. but she asked what i meant, said she wanted to lose weight the healthful way. and then a third girl overhearing the conversation jumped in saying that, weight watchers is healthy and it works. and i pulled a move of undeniable stealth extracting myself by nodding and excusing myself to the bathroom or some other such refuge.

because what i could have said? what i wanted to say was that just because something works doesn't mean it's healthy. and if it really worked would our nation be fighting this obesity epidemic? and after only three months of a successful weight-watchers stint (nineteen pounds lost) i developed a raging case of bulimia that nearly destroyed me. yup, three months of weight watchers and it's taken me more than five years to recover.

this diet thing. it is so ingrained in our culture. and no one has the information to combat it.

i stopped writing--for the most part--about my nasty, little eating disorder (ned) because i didn't want it to define me. i didn't want to write about the descent when i was doing everything i could to climb out of the crater in which i'd landed. and so i took the "ned" tab down from my sidebar.

and i'm not going to. to write about the descent, that is.

but i am going to give vic's suggestion a whirl. i'm going to write about climbing out of that crater. about getting better. and stronger. about the bits and pieces that have helped me. the elimination of fake sugar from my diet (and why). and the healthy, real foods that keep me moving. about how i eat what i want, when i want it: cupcakes and ice cream included.

i am not perfect. and neither is my body. i have stretch marks. all over. and thighs that rub together. but i love my body. yes, you heard me correctly. completely and compassionately, i love my body. i will never again try to lose weight. i just won't do it. i will try to eat well, to nourish my body and strengthen my heart. and i imagine those things will peel off the pounds i no longer want or need.

but it's so not about the pounds. ya know?

for the next week i'm gonna have this little blogspot-lover focus on health, so that when it's all said and done we'll have the start of a new tab for my sidebar. a tab to replace the one that "ned" once claimed.

(still working on names though...seems like all the good ones like "living well" or some such have been claimed.



Helen said...

How about A Body Good, like the milk slogan ("Milk, it does a body good.")? I don't think there would be copyright issues, since it's a pretty ambiguous phrase.

I really like the idea of this new tab.

Krysta said...

Oh man, I think we all tend to think that others' paths have been smoother, shorter, done with more grace... but the truth is there is always someone out there who understands, who's path looks so much like our own, who can benefit from the telling of our own story.

It's easy to get nervous about sharing the truth, especially when the truth is something so personal. I know I am rarely that brave. But I think you will find that when you are authentic and honest you will help others and help yourself at the same time.

I look forward to reading, as always!

Alex said...

I really admire your strength.
And I think this is a great idea. So many women obsess over weight loss and dieting and fail to see how unhealthy it can actually become. I'm definitely looking forward to what you have to say!

Sarah Marie said...

You know, I was just going to email you- to beg for advice about my own NED. Maybe I'll call it TED (terrifying little eating disorder. NED's cousin.)

Anyway, I thought about emailing you and then got stuck on this: "she's stopped blogging about NED. It's too personal. Or too dark. Or something. Don't bother her about it. Don't go there."

I'm glad you're going there. I've witnessed my own descent. My own climb. Over and over and over again. But, like you, I find that the only real answer is love. To love my body enough to give it what it needs and deserves: movement and nourishment and goodness.

Keep on keeping on, girl. I appreciate it in the most desperate way.

p.s. I would label the tab something like: whole living. It's what- I think- you're trying to be: a whole woman, undefined by food. & pertains to the idea of 'whole' foods. &: not filling that deep dark inner 'hole' with food.... ya know?

jaderox213 said...

hi meg,

i don't comment often, even though i've been reading your blog pretty religiously since i stumbled upon it early this year. i just wanted to say that i think this new tab is a brilliant idea! i, too, am struggling with healthy living and it's not about the weight. it's about how unhealthy i feel when i don't work out or eat too much fast food (which i actively try to avoid, but it's tiring to cook all the time). it doesn't help that i live in the south (i'm a texan living in new orleans) and ailments linked to obesity run in my family. it doesn't help that i'm the oldest of three and my parents have always put their faith in me to be a role model for my sisters both academically and athletically (is that a word?). i've never dieted, and i'm thankful that i've been smart enough to know that doesn't work (no matter how many people who love me have suggested it). still, i've struggled with my weight issues, and it is only now, that i am 24 and happily living w/the love of my life that i can realize that all i need is to be healthy. it's a daily struggle. and i'm glad you've decided to blog about it again, in such a healthy way. it's inspiring. so, thank you. thank you for sharing your journey with us. i look forward to reading more about your "new tab".

i'm only sorry i have no ideas for a great name!


Caitlin said...

Body Love.

Thanks. We all need to be reminded of how awesome our bodies are. In spite of the stretch marks. :) Or maybe partly because of them...

off switch said...

love this post, meg. i have weight i want to loose, but maybe if i look at it from your perspective i will love myself more and it won't be a need to loose weight and check the scale. but to feel good and not like a wine bottle full of crap. i can't wait to read everything that will go into your new "tab." xo.

i like caitlin's suggestion: "body love"

Camilla Leila said...

excellent idea! honestly, when i started viewing my own weight loss in this way...as a lifestyle change of getting healthy and being happy - taking care of myself all around, the pounds melted away. it's the only way to do it.

i am so proud of you and happy that you're going to do this!!

A Serenade for Solitude said...

Such a great reminder to be an authentic blogger. I, too, have felt myself slipping to the side writing for others at times. It is okay...finding that happy medium. I guess if blogging is what we love--as long as we love doing it and it is a positive--we're golden.

I like your mentality: replace the struggle with reclamation. You are awesome. xx

jdavissquared said...

I love this idea. Cannot wait to see what you have to say on the matter. I've been stuck in a "trying" to lose weight phase, and getting nowhere. Perhaps I need a different outlook!

becky said...

This made me smile.

Carrie said...

I think this post was very brave of you. And I would have wanted to say something to the "Weight Watchers" girl myself. But probably would have walked away.

Because a diet will never work for very long. You have to make healthy lifestyle choices. I think eating sensibly and exercise are the only things that you can really keep up with for a lifetime. And having a great attitude! Which you have. It's just plain great to read. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. It's so encouraging and just what I needed to read today.

Keep up the good fight.

Brittan said...

awesome. it's great how self aware you are. at 25 i still struggle with this stuff every day. (the stretch marks and thighs rubbing together are my two biggest woes! i need to learn to love them.) i really dig this idea.

Rachel said...

I think it's so great that you share your thoughts on healthy living! Your post on why you stopped eating fake sugar was eye opening, even though I had heard about it before. I've cut it out of my diet completely, and my appetite is wildly diminished, to a health level. It's so much easier for me to eat healthy portions now. So even though you may not be an authority, your experiences can be helpful to others!

Roxy Te said...

I love your attitude! This is something almost every girl can relate to. And you're right, once you stop over analyzing, what you've been waiting for seems to happen before you even know it! Can't wait to read about your "climb!" As far the replacement ned..hmm Living: A Holistic Approach? It's not very fun, but I feel like it captures what you're trying to achieve..physical and emotional health!

kara lynn said...

so proud of you! and kind of the greatest idea ever!

because really that is what it is all about. taking care of our body, because once my perspective changed about food that it isn't bad it's good. and to love my body even more. i didn't over eat or i ate things that felt good in the long run.

katie said...

i think i'll enjoy reading whatever you write about here - since you have such a way with words [that i only wish i had]. and while weight watchers can do good, it also can do bad [i did it for a little while and i definitely developed some obsessive eating habits which i think i'm finally breaking over a year later].

sorry to say no good names for you though :(

Wisdom + Understanding said...

good for you Meg! i've always believed that 'failure' is less important than knowing you gave something your best shot. if you've tried your darndest but failed, then awesome. what more can you expect of yourself? oh also, when you haven't tried your best + failed, then the most important thing is picking yourself up and continuing with grace :)

Chelsea said...

your post put a little tear in my eye. I love how you speak of healthy eating and having a healthy heart. I cheered in highschool and dealt with eating disorders for a while. Being skinny didn't make me happier or feel prettier.....

Now I eat what I want and i feel prettiest when I come home drenched in sweat after running 5 miles. That's pretty to me.

thanks for sharing!

Amanda said...

i think this is an awesome idea and i completely agree with you, especially about not trying to lose weight. diets are a waste. i've tried them. and i especially despise the calorie counting thing. when you tell yourself you can't have something, that's when you want it the most.

i like what you said about loving your body. perhaps the posts should be labeled that way? 'loving your body'

Helen said...

Or what about The Climb, since that is what you want to focus on?

Laurenkri said...


tab idea
nurturing body

1. Care for and encourage the growth or development of.
2. Cherish (a hope, belief, or ambition)

e. said...

Do something that's the opposite of Ned.

Another name that means something like my Lovely Eating Philosophy. I mean... that would be Lep which isn't really a name... but you get the idea. I'm so happy for this post (and the above post).

Sara Louise said...

I've only been following your blog for a couple of months now, but I have to say, I LOVED this post. The part where you said that you were no longer going to 'try' to lose weight but 'try' to be healthy instead is a revelation and perfection!

Alyssa said...

Let me start by saying pretty please move to Australia so we can be the best of friends... ill share my car with you! Its purple... that makes it worth it, right?!

Everytime you write about Ned i get this huge sense of relief, then i read everyones comments and it makes me feel all warm that other people have the same issues.

you know what hit me the most... cant believe i am saying this in a freaking comment. but i have stretch marks from going up and down in weight so much and i was petrified that i was the only person in the world that doesnt have a baby that has stretch marks. but now you have made me realize im not a freak! i can never thank you enough for that!

I'm fighting my ed (binge/compulsive) at the moment and its tough. ok im eating a bowl of ice cream right now, whatever. but i know we can all overcome this one day :)

thankyou for always being so honest.

pick you up at the airport next week, yes?

jill said...

Awesome idea. I am excited to read more!

alisha said...

I love this, Meg.
I think the tab should be like... "Delicious". Because everything about what you're doing is delicious. And you know that I am in full support that delicious things are healthy and healthy things are delicious and... well, now this is getting silly.
But seriously: delicious. Just like your blog. :)


alisha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anna said...

Your ned tab helped me realize I don't just lack self control. I had no idea there was a name for my problem. I thought I was just a failure at something everyone else does just fine.

Thank you.

tiffany said...

an idea i had for your new tab - FED. you are not only feeding your body properly but your mind, soul, etc. therefore you're well FED. plus it does play off of NED which hopefully stays dead... to many rhymes.

Bathwater said...

Well you look beautiful and you sound like you have the right attitude for you.