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studying strangers.

she was in love with the skin around his eyes.

does that sound strange? it wasn't. it was the most natural thing in the world.

in love with its perfect fragility. its paper-thin translucence.

evidence of something deeply felt and known. evidence of an entire life.

but lying side by side on the floor of the dimly lit living room she looked at that area just around his eyes and wondered if there was not too much life before her--too much life before this moment. a life so full there was just no room.

in the days and weeks and months and years following his disappearance, following the slow withdrawl of his presence, she studied the eyes of many a man she passed. on the street. in a movie theatre. sitting in restaurants. she would get herself into trouble by looking for too long at strangers on the train.

she was fine.

really okay.

but every once in a while she would look up and catch a glimpse of him in a stranger. see those same careless lines leaning in. leading up and around. providing some kind of indiscernible road map.

and it was that that she missed.

that which would undo her.


Taylor Norris said...

so delicate, meg. how much of what you write is autobiographical? because when you write in third person it makes me think of the stories i conjure up and allocate to the strangers i see on the train or in the park. but of course if what you're writing is true, then that's even more exciting!

Lola said...

loved this. actually when i read it i thought - not so strange...I know exactly what you mean.

Emily said...

You are such a beautiful writer. I so get this post! It's his eyes, the way he would carry himself, the presence of him - I see him everywhere and it always hits me right in the heart. It's funny. You think you're over someone and then three year later someone brings up his name and you find yourself dreaming about him all over again. Dreaming about what you should have done in the moment to make things turn out differently.

Oh, friend, I understand what you mean!

christine said...

I so get this post.

Even now almost 10 years later, there are moments when I find myself gasping for breath when I see a certain sillouhuette or turn of the head. Thankfully, the moments don't happen that often, but when they do it's killer.

Love your writing.

Lina said...

I never commented before but this is so lovely!! Please please write a book soon!

Lanie said...

I'm wondering the same thing Taylor Norris is wondering... :P

Meg Fee said...

almost all of it is autobiographical. with things twisted and turned. sometimes when i need another degree of anonymity i'll put it in the third person. parts may be imagined as these brief passages can be inspired by a single image or idea. but most of it is true. in some way. in whatever way interpretive writing allows.

JP said...

this is truly beautiful writing. it's poetic, almost lyrical and there's such depth & feeling. the best part is that it's relatable. as i read it, i could trace the delicate ghosts of his laughter lines... my his, that is. the his of my past.


Well Nice Chels said...

I've fallen in the love with the are around the eyes before. Its true, once you do, you are always looking. So well put meg. Thanks.

Metch said...

Beautifully written. Beautiful. True.

I relate, happy I do, sad I do. Who wants to be undone? Maybe undone isn't so bad...that thought followed by a dramatic pause and a deep sigh.

Really beautiful Meg.