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so blogging and morality...

i asked the questions. mulled over all your gorgeous and insightful and contradictory but still valid responses and this is what i came up with:

i don't know.

that's my answer.

i don't know.

the decision of what to share, how much, to what extent--it's personal. and it's day to day.

that's about as much as i know.

i'm gonna have to assume that guys google. facebook stalk. use technology to dig around a little.

the next time i enter into a relationship i'm gonna be really honest. and upfront:

i write. i write about my life. and if you choose to play a part in my life...well, continue at your own peril.

if he chooses to read the blog. great.

but he has to tell me.

because the blog has to then be a discussion--something we talk about so that i'm sure he gets the whole story. straight from the horse's mouth. otherwise we run the risk of him reading it--thinking something's about him when it's not. (and this situation played out in about a thousand other variations).

he has to give me a chance to explain some things: just because i write about love and marriage doesn't mean these are things i necessarily want right now.

the blog can never substitute for face to face conversation.

(actually, on that note i'm doing away with all texts and phone messages as a means of conveying anything of any import. because what is life but one massive game of telephone tag, anyway? and the technology is just one more degree of distortion. you know? i might even transport myself back to the 1800's when letter writing was the truest form of courtship. everything that needed to be said could be. on paper. in ardent language. because, let me ask you this, how can like or lust or love be talked about using anything less than ardent language? but i digress.)

the point is. the blog has done so much good for me. i really like the blog. and my mom's right and so i don't think i'll ever again change something i've published because some guy takes offense to it.

but i have to learn that the blog is not my first form of defense. or communication.

and because i tend to go quiet when i most need to say something, i can get myself into trouble. holding it in. getting it out only later by taking pen to paper (or in this case fingers to clickable keys).

some things need to be said. aloud. face to face.

so, okay. i will try that. and if it means i carry around a little spiral pad and golf pencil and sit there across from him and write what i cannot say, well then, so be it.

because i'm working on it.

the point is, at the end of the day we must answer to our own moral standards. and share that with which we are comfortable. and go with the gut. and realize that sometimes we'll fail, but such is life. and hell, it's worth a go.


T. Harrison said...

Hello, Wily brunette.

I've been following your blog for awhile and this is the first time I've ever been compelled to respond. My advice? Disregard all outside influences as to what you should reveal. This is a blog. A public journal. You have already revealed your whole self so there should be no worry as to you revealing too much. In addition, anyone who really,truly loved you, would not base their involvement or love on the contents of your blog.

FYI, I am drunk. Am drunkblogging if sucha term exists. Take all advise with a grain of salt.

Addtl FYI: Love your blog, and esp. love the introspective turn it has taken . Keep writing. Keep searching for love. You are a hero!

Roxy Te Owens said...

I miss ardent language and hand-written letters- the kind that Miss Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy or Anne with an -e would use.

AbbieBabble said...

What a dilemma. It sounds, though, like you have thought it out, like you have a complex and nuanced approach to what is a complex and nuanced situation. So wise, as always.

p.s. I like that you like your blog- I like your blog, too!

jill said...

i love your blog and your candidness, i'm glad that you acknowledge that people need to talk to you in person before they assume something is or isn't about them. that's the point of being able to blog...to open communication, express feelings however real they are at that moment.

Thanks for your beautiful writings and ability to express what i am sure many others (myself included) are experiencing.

The Childlike empress said...

i think your right...i might have to start carrying around the notepad and pencil as sometimes putting things down with pen and paper is so much easier than trying to pluck the words out of the air when the person that you want to talk to is right in front of you....some how i always end up getting muddled and putting them in the wrong order

Wisdom + Understanding said...

Meg! I had a chuckle about the notepad bit... story to share with you!

Talking it out has also always been difficult for me too (I hate crying in front of the other person, or I'm scared it will come out angry or just plain wrong) but I'm getting much better at it and have a very patient bf now... thank God!

But, here's the story: This was in grade 12 with my ex-bf, when speaking it out was the worst for me. I clearly remember a date at a coffee shop afterschool where I was so upset. I ripped a page out of my notebook and got a pencil out. I wrote a line, slid the paper across the table to him. He wrote back. We did this for 2 hrs till we got to a resolution and the first thing we both said to each other was: I'm sorry, I'm sorry too. It was great! Haha! I knew that day the ex was a great guy cuz he didn't think I was crazy or weird... so it is totally doable :)

Cassandra said...

Love letters. Are the way to go.

Lola said...

I thought I was the only crazy person who wanted to pass notes! :) I get so overwhelmed sometimes with everything in my head that I can't find the words to get it out of my mouth. A couple of deep breaths and hours of meditation later I'm generally able to get it all out in writing. I would totally support your movement to revert to 1800s courtship.

Keep doing what you're doing. Your blog is beautiful.

Mel said...

Perfectly said. I've struggled with the whole "should I post this?" debate also, wondering what was my business to post and what wasn't. It really is a personal issue, and is just based on what feels right. Hope you find the balance perfect for yourself.

Raquel said...

hey meg,
i've been following your blog for a while, also have never commented. really like your writing style -- i am also a creative writer and enjoy your short stories. inspired by your letters to your husband-to-be, i have written thoughts of my own. would love if you'd check it out. thanks, doll, and keep on writing!


Brittan said...

i just made a stickie note on my desktop that says:

"let me ask you this, how can like or lust or love be talked about using anything less than ardent language?" --meg fee

don't want to forget that one.

dani kreeft said...

going with the gut leaves minimal regret, i find.

it's awesome that you've processed the whole bag of things surrounding blogging and morality...it sounds like you've come up with something solid.
and i can relate with a ton of it....


Imola said...

Instinct might just work, for it should be a form of natural knowledge and understanding...Tootles!

Lila said...

darling meg,

i love, love, love your words.
and thus i recognize them when i read them elsewhere:


just wanted you to know.

Meg Fee said...

lila, thank you so so much for the heads up!

Rachel said...

amen :) and thank you

ria said...

Can I just say, I love your blog. Your honesty is so refreshing and it inspires me to be the same. I not only read your blog, I feel it at the same time, which is truly an experience. Keep writing; it's one of the most amazing remedies you can ever hope for. x