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who i am at 24.

this morning i woke up to a new year. 

i buttoned up my brand new, crisp-as-they-come, white blouse, took a good long look in the mirror and decided that yes, 24 felt different in the best possible way. i was different. better. immediately, i knew.

then i gave one squirt of smashbox foundation into my waiting hand and ended up with five gloriously large makeup blobs all over my brand new shirt--my never-been-worn shirt. and i was brought back to reality. this would not be the year of the immaculately clean white blouse. a new year, a new day does not a different person make. i am still the girl who gets make-up on her shirt (or food--more often food), stumbles over her words, and does not realize that the restaurant has not been serving broccoli now for a full 34 days (as my boss so kindly pointed out). 

and you know what? thank God above for my persistent little foibles. they're glorious. and i love them.

my girlfriend from high school and i were speaking on the phone today. about boys. (what all young, twenty-something women most love to discuss). and she mentioned a boy she had dated several years ago that she would be meeting up with soon. she expressed trepidation about the time elapsed and said, i'm not same person i was at fifteen. to which i replied, thank God,  whitney. thank God we're not the same people. 

okay, so i am different today. and i'll be different tomorrow. each day brings a new and exciting adventure. 

i may not be so young as i was last year. but i have a year's worth of knowledge along with a new number. and for the first time in my life i feel like i am on the precipice of... everything

so 24. who am i. well, here goes.

if i could have a constant supply of anything for the rest of my life it would be flowers and paper toweling. 

at the grocery store, i most love coming away with the tall, slender bottles of pellegrino. it makes me feel...french.

i hiccup any time i've had too much food or eaten too quickly. so... often. very, very often. 

there is a direct correlation between the quality of my mood and the cleanliness of my home.

laughter. above all, i need laughter. small hiccups of laughs and roaring guffaws. when i think of the man i'll marry there is so much i dream of. but the only thing i know--i mean really know--is that he'll laugh at my jokes and my constant mistakes. and himself. oh for a man who can laugh at himself! he'll make me laugh and for this i'll love him as though our lives depend on it. 

i'd like to tell you that ned isn't following me into this new year. but he is. two weeks ago i would have said, no, no way. but with the onset of bed bugs and thus a disrupted sleep cycle, he has taken taken this opportunity to creep back in. when i am healthy it's as though i've found a little pocket of air in which to breathe--and i ride it for as long as i can. it's a sweet spot where ned can't touch me. and i know that in the process of recovering it's important to fall out of the pocket so that i can figure out how to get back to it quickly. so i'm trying to give thanks for the fall out. but giving thanks isn't always so easy. nor is finding my way back in. 

back in april i gave myself a year to fail, to fall on my ass again and again. and i'm doing it and loving it. and i've still got a good six months. 

i promised myself that come 24 i would take pictures. all the time. every day. it would take work and practice, but i would make it a habit. and it would be a crushing blow to ned. but i'm not feeling very picture pretty today. so i make this promise. it will be a week late, but come this weekend i will post some photos. full length photos. photos that pretty or not will show you who i am in a way that my words cannot. 

i feel good about this age. this 24 number will be a good one. ned will end. and i will fall in love. (that's my divination for the future...i guess we'll see if my predictions are on point!). 

ps: i have a crush on a man who snaps his fingers. and when he does it's strong and clear and reminds me of my father and this inspires great confidence. 

photo via sabino.


Brittan said...

ahhh meg. lovely, lovely meg.

i'm sitting at my desk stressing over papers that need doing, bills that need paying and a lack of resources to accomplish both. i'm glancing at the dishes piled up in the sink and the dirty floor. i'm refreshing my blog roll and my inbox, hoping that someone out there will say something to pull me away from the reality of being alone in new york with an overwhelming amount of work to be done. then i see you have posted and i am especially thrilled because your writing is eloquent and you always have insightful things to say.

meg, you never disappoint. your honesty has lifted my spirits. i don't feel alone because i remember that we all share these experiences. my heart jumps when i read about falling in love and your future husband... things i rarely allow myself to think about. my head nods in understanding when i read "there is a direct correlation between the quality of my mood and the cleanliness of my home."

thanks for blogging tonight. i hope 24 is a wonderful year for you. i'm 3 months into year 24 as well and i can say that so far it is my most challenging in quite some time but also my most rewarding.

i hope you don't mind my sharing all that, and i look very much forward to those pictures!

AbbieBabble said...

Happy happy birthday!
Here's to more time to fail, more time to become who we are, to 24 being as good as it can possibly be for you.

Ross & Amanda Goodman said...

Happy Birthday! I loved this post. You write the way I think, and I love it. Its like those thoughts and feelings that I have that I think are all my own, and there is no way I could ever express that to another person because it is so inherently me. Then I read things like this and think, "Oh- that is how I could have said it. That right there is that emotion I thought could never be verbalized." Thank you for that, even if what I am thanking you for makes absolutely no sense. . . :)

Carlita said...

happy birthday beautiful meg. to twenty four!

i can tell it's going to be a great age.

Fashionably Kate said...

Happy Birthday! I loved 24 and I hope you do too! This was a lovely post, just as you are my dear!

Brittany said...

happy birthday! i just started 23 and i share many of your wishes for this year. hope it's a great one!

brown eyed girl said...

Oh Meg! I love this post. Happy birthday?! :) I totally get the part about him laughing at your jokes and at himself. TOTALLY.

This is going to be a good year. :)

Courtney said...

I loved reading this, as I do every other post of yours! I hope twenty four is an amazing year for you!

I have a pretty good feeling it will be.

Spardha Malik said...

hey Meg, Hippy Happy hippity hoppity Burrthday to you.

your writing is soo inspiring and real and yet beautiful.. Here's to another year of being the fab writer that you are!!

I turn 23 in a few days and hoping i feel at peace with that ...JUST LIKE YOU!

Sara said...

Happy birthday! I hope you have a lovely year!

IIDA said...

Happy birthday Meg! I send you bundles of hope and dreams. And laughter.

Thao said...

Happy birthday, dear Meg! 24 has been good to me so far and I know this will be a wonderful year for you too!

Helen said...

Loved this post!

Have a wonderful birthday xx

Elizabeth said...

Happy Birthday, Meg!!!

olivia rae said...

you are so wonderful meg!! a truly beautiful person through and through!! happy happy birthday!

p.s. tyler also turned 24 yesterday... you guys were born on the EXACT same day!

Birthday girl said...

Happy birthday, baby girl. I know it will be a great year! I'm so proud of how far you've come...can't wait to see what the next year will bring. Be happy!! Love, Mom

naomi megan. said...




Sara said...

I hope you have a wonderful day. I've rather enjoyed the year of 24... way more than 23 anyway. I think you'll like it, too, and I hope it's a good year for you.

Happy birthday!

mic said...

Have a fabulous birthday!

Mrs. B said...

Happy 24th!

Melissa said...

What an inspiring post. Happy Birthday!!!

CC. said...

happy happy meg-a-roo!

what a beautiful post, you deserve a joyful fulfilling year, oh yes you do.

if only i could write eloquently like you. your blog inspires.



JKreids said...

Happy birthday Meg!!

It's ok to be imperfect. Perfection is boring. Hiccup and spill. :)

Lauren said...

Your blog is so lovely, and I loved this post!

Happy Birthday!

Micaela said...

i love you at 24 already.

here's my birthday gift to you, a quote that fits you:

"When it's all about where your heart is, that attracts a lot of energy. Everything else follows...

Being completely raw always works."

- What I Know Now series.

you are always so honest.
so full of heart.
everything else (love! meeting that husband who will laugh at your jokes because he will think you are SO cute telling them) will follow.

happy happy birthday beautiful birthday girl!


Erin said...

Happy Birthday Meg! You are such a delightful person. I hope all your birthday wishes come true.

the girl said...

god bless you! i hope your 24th year is one of growth and strength and beauty. thank you for your honesty, it means a lot, even to a stranger like me!

Anonymous said...

I just found you through Naomi's birthday post. Happy Birthday! It's true, your posts is inspiring!

I'll definitely be back!

sheila said...

Happy birthday MEG!!
I hope this year becomes as beautiful and enchanting as the way your write things. like this post.

Have a happy day!

off switch said...

happy birthday meg... enjoy your day. ;)

Marisa said...

Happy Birthday Meg!

i am so grateful i found your little corner of the internet. you inspire me to take each day as it comes and find the beauty n everything... even my failures.


Taylor Yves said...

Meg, I've been reading your blog on and off for a while and I just want to tell you that you've really figured it out! You write so well and so genuinely, I really admire you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, really.


m. estelle said...

happy 24 lovely meg fee.
i am sending happy thoughts your way for a wonderful year.


Matthew said...

just stumbled onto this (thanks to lazy mondays and an employed that doesn't block facebook). being a 24 (and a half!) year old myself, i had to read. a lovely post no doubt, but i particularly liked your mentioning of loud snapping. what's funny is that when I hear a good loud snap I think Mr. Fee, too, and it always brings a smile to my face. Hope you're well. - Matt

Morgan said...

You're going to love 24. I promise. xo

faryle said...

Happy 24 and a day birthday!

Here's to another year of life, laughter, love and learning.

Hanako66 said...

Happy Birthday Meg! I have a good feeling about this year for you, I really do. And I feel that you are worlds above where I was, maturity wise, at 24...

Jessica Tingey said...

Happy birthday!

iheartkiwi said...

Wishing you the happiest of birthdays miss Meg! I can't wait to see what 24 has in store for you!

So far it's been a year of incredible changes for me... and i'm loving every minute of it.

I hope you have a truly wonderful year.

defining amy said...

i hope you had the happiest of birthdays and all your wishes come true.

you deserve every single one.

Diana said...

I hope you had an amazing birthday! You deserve the best!

K @ Blog Goggles said...

Happy birthday! 24 is a great year... at least much better than 15 :)

Mary Grace said...

Happy birthday!!

m. estelle said...

p.s.- a man who can snap, a crisp snap, is the definition of attractive and lovely in my book.

Marisa said...

happiest of birthdays! I am now 26, but I will say 23 was rather lousey but 24 was amazing and my best year yet! Enjoy it!

Christie said...

My sweet Dad snaps his fingers too. I'd be lucky to find a guy like him.

Happy 24th!!

The White Way of Delight said...

Happy Birthday.. Sweet blog! Just stopped by and I really liked it. :)
-Emily Anne

jasmine said...

meg, we would absolutely be friends in "real life." i just know it.

i just discovered yesterday that my unorganized, disastrously messy house was at least 65% of the reason i have been depressed and unhappy for the last month. sometimes, i'm slow.

happy happy HAPPY (belated) birthday. happy 24 years of beautiful living. i hope all your predictions and divinations come to fruition this year. and i hope that you're able to let go, mature, grow, and enjoy your 25th year on this planet.


Signorina Svizzera said...

for some reason, in the midst of exams, etc. I read this post and never made a comment.
Happy HAPPY Birthday Meg! I am an October baby as well- we must be kindred spirits. I wish you the most wonderful 24th year of life. I wish you the ability to move away from what you wish to leave behind, and to move towards what you are hoping for. I wish you a bug-free apartment.
Does this make any sense? I am delirious from paper-writing.
The point is, Happy Birthday! (Even if I am embarrassingly late).

I ♥ NY said...

hope your birthday was very happy! also turning 24 in a few short weeks. hope it is a great year for us both!

p.s. thank you for this lovely post... you have such a way with words :)

kathleen said...

At the very least, and at the very most, this is the year you will fall in love with yourself. I love that. Happy new year!