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ned be gone. and a bad southern accent.

not sure who ned is?
ned is the name for my nasty little
eating disorder, which was never
so little, unfortunately).
check my sidebar for
posts with explanations.

today at work i was standing by the bar, waiting to transfer a bar-tab (yes, yes, my parents are very proud) when one of the regulars asked me if i was losing weight.

this threw me off.

1. i did not know he was that regular


2. this suggests i've been working there too long

i looked at him, surprised, and said, why do you ask?

why do you ask? i'm quite sure that's neither a usual or appropriate response to the question. in fact why do you ask, doesn't really make any sense in the context. but without thinking that's what came out.

he, perphaps more surprised than me, countered with, well, you are, aren't you? and then quickly added, it's never a bad thing to say to a woman is it?

i, realizing my mistake, said, no, no, of course not, thank you

having an eating disorder is like drowning. being thrust into cold, choppy waters and not knowing which way leads to the surface. 

and so in the past, these comments gave me a sense of direction--were anchors by which to grab hold. 

today, this comment was kind, but unimportant. now, the only useful and important feedback comes from myself and my beautiful body. 

holy smokes, did i just call my body beautiful?

why fancy that miss susan, i believe i did.  (this last line has to be said in a truly bad gone-with-the-wind-southern accent coupled with a little head bobble to make any sense, and even then it falls short, but...oh, well.)

ps: this was after a guest asked how i got my hair to look like that (i had it it in french-braided-pig tails that came together) and i told her it was quite easy because my hair was unbelievably dirty. euf. pretty sure you're not supposed to say that when you're working in a restaurant. the powers that be would not be pleased. 


Lynz said...

i can relate...i've spent way too much of my life working in restaurants.

i'm so happy you referred to your body as beautiful! That's hard for most women to do, Ned or not!

progress is being made...keep it up!

Ali said...

You're inspiring to me.

That is all.

iheartkiwi said...

poor men... they never get it right!

you are beautiful my dear! it's been really great to see your inner transformation through this blog... so proud of how far you've come. keep up the amazing work. we're all behind you!

Fashionably Kate said...

Yaaaay!! I'm so happy for you.

I love that you responded that way, although I'm sure the poor guys was so confused!! heh heh!!

p.s.. dirty hair is the best for any type of hairstyle. restaurant or not!

Krissa said...

Yes...a beautiful body indeed!
and dirty hair always works best...haha...you are an inspiration!
Thanks for letting us share in your journey!

Olivia Rae said...

You're such a beautiful person Meg, and so inspiring to us all!

Sara said...

Ha, I do that whenever anyone compliments what I'm wearing.

"This? Oh, thanks. It was really, really cheap."

Was that necessary? I think not.

Marisa said...

you inspire me with your strength. i wish i had half of it...

Micaela said...

me too. me too, meg.

Mollie said...

You are beautiful and so very inspiring! And don't worry--I went to work with very dirty hair yesterday as well...except someone told me I looked like I was a flower child in the 60's...compliment fail!

Hanako66 said...

heehee....I tend to have a bad reaction to complements as well...I get very nervous!

kerri nĂ­ dochartaigh said...

what i love most about this whole post is the label.

the end of ned, beautiful girl. xx

Rachael said...

Yesterday, at the doctor's office (the baby steps to getting better), the nurse had me step on a scale.
Do I look or no? I finally decided I would and use this as my goal healthy weight since I'd been eating what I wanted when I wanted for a month and had more energy than before.
"Is that my weight?!"
"Yes... why? Does that mean something?"
It was exactly the weight I was when I was most restrictive, eating nothing but fruits and vegetables (but so much of them... Like, 1200 calories worth of them). I'm sure the scales are different because when I prod my belly I'm going through a little bit of belly pudge, not straight to muscle (albeit weak). But it really goes to show you that I'm not the most accurate judge of my body right now and also that my body weight will settle where it belongs when I stop trying to force it to. All these months of trying. In so many bad ways, to reach a number that now didn't matter... it was just an interesting number.