a list of 10 delicious little secrets.

So the lovely shill has given me an award and thus bestowed on me the arduous task of listing 10 very honest things about my oh so secretive life...and since we all know how much I love making lists forgive me if I go beyond 10. does that negate the award?

1. for many years my family had an artificial Christmas tree. what was the catalyst for this decision? well, since you asked... when I was three I was wandering around the backyard and decided to dig up a molasses cookie I had buried there for safe-keeping, weeks before. turns out those things ain't so easy to eat when they've begun the process of fossilization. i started choking, but the parents couldn't hear my cries for help since they were inside fighting over the fresh fir that was shedding all over the living room floor. not to worry, my little fists proved quite effective against the glass window. needless to say it was many years before we ventured back to fresh foliage and to this day no one knows if i was eating the fabled molasses cookie or if it was maybe just a piece of tree bark.  

2. for more years than i'd like to admit I thought the response to a sneeze was gablessyou. i didn't understand that it was meant to be God bless you. 

3. one time, in high school, i accidentally told a guy i loved him. i didn't mean it that way--it just came out. i just mean it in the you're so funny you make me want to pee my pants and my heart kinda flutters when i see you way. turns out it was a brilliant mistake because he turned out to be something of a jerk.

4. i had my first kiss the day before i graduated high school. we dated for a month before ever confessing to ourselves that that's what we were doing. our first date--we saw Kill Bill Volume II. he liked scooby-doo and phish, and had homie figurines in compromising positions, glued all over the inside of his jeep. he always bowled like a 260. and he had no idea what Juilliard was. he was way too cool for me. and yet he treated me with more respect than any guy i've ever known. 

5. the best dream i've ever had involved me being pregnant. it was the most glorious feeling. ever. 

6. the only recurring dream i've had involves me leaving my fiancee at the alter. in each dream the man is always someone i know but with whom i have no romantic involvement or feelings. yet the dreams always come when i start to like someone a little too much. 

7. i've fallen in love one and a half times. getting over guy #1 is the second hardest thing i've ever had to do (someday maybe i'll admit to the first). and guy #1/2 i knew for a night. but it's the closest thing i've ever experienced to love at first sight, because after that one night i knew guy #1/2 was the actual manifestation of everything i could ever hope for. and for the first time since meeting guy #1, i knew there was someone better out there.

8. i believe in choice. we make choices--countless choices--everyday. we wake up and choose to be happy, to be healthy, honest, trustworthy, a person of integrity--the list goes on and on. i do not believe that we choose to fall in love--if only it was that easy. if we could choose to fall in love, life might be a lot easier. however, i do believe that what we do with the love, once we have it--therein lies the choice. to honor it, to nourish it, to accept it, to rebuke, to systematically stamp it out--those are the choices we make everyday. that's what i should have said when he-who-shall-not-be-named and I had this conversation. instead of sitting there silently and nodding in agreement. i pledge to someday tell him everything. absolutely everything. 

9. i believe very strongly in traditions. chief among them...watching The Sound of Music while decorating the Christmas tree. however, i am curious...why do people always watch this movie during the holidays--what does it have to do with it?

10.  every once in a while i watch the pbs documentary, chimpanzees: an unnatural history. and every time i see it, it makes me want to give up everything in place of a life helping out a chimps at havens all over the world. (don't know how i left that out--importance of editing)

11. tonight i don't believe in capitalization (of letters that is). not so sure about the other kind either.

stay tuned for explanation of award, and my nominees...