lady m.

i'm older now than you were when we met.
and how old you seemed then.
but we knew so little, the two of us.

now i feel like you're just the out-out-damn'd-spot story of my life.
me, wringing my hands.
me, rubbing out a life--a love--that no one else knew was there.

but it's right here i want to say. here on these hands that were held by him--that touched him and traced him and scooped something out of him.
my hands are full of him, i want to say.

when the only thing they're full of now is my own uncertainty.
and no one needs to see that to know it is there.