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11.05.2012

Dear-Husband-to-Be,


I used to think I knew who I was writing to. I used to think it was decided. I used to think it was just a matter of time and patience and trudging through all the metaphorical shit that one must certainly trudge through to get back to where one began.

And then slowly, ever so slowly, that thought--that bone-deep belief slipped right out the soles of my feet. It slipped out on long walks home and as I stood on the hardwood floor of my very own kitchen cleaning dishes and making dinners of little more than cheese and bread and wine. That thought now litters the ground on which I stand, I'm knee deep in it, but it's not in me--not anymore.

So now I'm left to wonder not just who I'm writing to, but how it is we'll meet.

How will the love story begin?

Maybe it'll be a long look across a crowded bar. Maybe you'll sink me before I even know your name.

One can hope.

I think, the thing is, whether it's a massive clusterfuck or that long-held-look--it'll do.



Yours in anticipation. Always yours. Already.
Yours.

16 comments:

hannah debbie said...

love this. I used to think I knew the person that I had in mind. I didn't.

Jo said...

Hi Meg. Your posts always inspire...this one in particular hit close to home. Just what I needed to read tonight. With gratitude for putting pen to paper and articulating wistful, beautiful ... hope.

kate said...

lovely.

morenohannah said...

This is so spot on! Love it.

Kerry said...

I remember being so certain that I would marry my college boyfriend. Now every time I think of that, I laugh and give thanks that I didn't end up with him. It is a deep and sincere gratitude.

Diana said...

Beautiful post. You are always on point. I can't help wondering the same thing about my yet-to-be-found someone and the story that brings us together. One day. Until then, it's nice to know I'm not the only one unwilling to settle.

LouBoo said...

Beautifully written - succinctly put and I love the phrasing. Whether you've met him yet or not, he's there. It's simply not possible that someone as lovely as you isn't destined to meet a man who completely gets you. And even if at first he doesn't seem to completely get you - stick at it - he will. Lou x

Alexa said...

i wonder this often. there's such thrill in the thought.

Shawnee said...

i wonder this more often than who - i have no clue at all who it might be or my 'type'. if i even have a type at all. but how...that is the better and more interesting wonder.

Laura Marie said...

A massive clusterfuck can sometimes be massively insightful :) XO

Marlen said...

this was so wonderfully romantic, and so surprisingly real. my love is not what i thought i'd end up with at all. and i remember sitting on the bus and looking outside the window thinking who is going to be my next love exactly a week before i met him. it makes me smile every time i think about it :)

Rose said...

I've wondered this for so long & so often. Now that it's happening to me, it's nothing like I pictured. I imagine that's the way it's going to unfold for you, too.

Bridget said...

a long look or a clusterfuck, it'll do.

i like that.

it's so cool that you have these written down. how cool it'll be for him to read them one day.

Kim said...

Meg,

I don't comment often, but I felt compelled to do so today.

I used to write little snippets like these to my "future" love as well -- not knowing how, where, when, or why. More importantly, I never knew who, but I just wrote. And I kept on writing.

I eventually met him, and we are now engaged to be married next summer. Looking back on all those "letters" to him -- even before I met him -- still brings tears to my eyes. Your letters remind me of mine. They are a demonstration of our faith in ourselves -- for living, searching, and never settling.

You have the most wonderful way with words and I hope you never stop writing - to your husband-to-be or otherwise!

Alex said...

These posts of yours are my favorite, you know. So very romantic.

Ruth said...

I love that, letting old beliefs slip out the soles of your feet until your standing knee deep in them. Yes. A beautiful way to look at wading through a murky time -- it's just the old beliefs leaving.