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10.22.2012

the alarm.


I spent this morning chasing my coffee cup around the apartment.

Which is to say I spent an hour on the phone with Time Warner and then decided that I have to cultivate the skills my mothers so gracefully possesses and figure out how to organize and keep track of and learn to love file folders.

This is such a specific time in my life: chasing a coffee cup around the apartment. Setting it down before setting off to find the internet passcode before then wondering where the hell I just put the mug. This is such a luxurious problem to have, I know that, I can see that.

Things will change.

I have to remind myself of this. Often.

Just the other day, leaving work, I pushed through the turnstile to the F train and thought, I know it won't always be this. I won't always be 27 at a job that, while I'm extremely grateful for, is not the goal. I won't always live here in this tiny flat, alone. But oh, how this moment in time feels like it will stretch out forever.

I sobbed on the phone to my mother today.

I am ready for the next. But how does one get to the next? It is the getting there that I'm struggling with. Much as I now know where I want to go (which, man, I never thought I'd get there) it seems like there's a mountain before me and I don't know how to get over it.

And my smoke alarm's going off. So, I've got to go take care of that. (I'm making my baked potato {veggie #1 of 3 for this week's weekly wellness challenge}).

13 comments:

Alice said...

Somehow you, a Texan/ NY girl, seem to know exactly how this English girl is feeling. Tres bizarre.
But that knowing what you want and no idea of how to get there? Yeah, that. Feels like I'm waiting for something to happen and force me over it. I hope you get there quickly.

Jeneric Generation said...

I have been learning that when I am ready for the next, the next somehow wiggles its way in. Just wait for it. :)

kara lynn said...

Oh how I have missed reading your blog since I was living as a missionary I Houston the last while... you are so wonderful and dont you forget it :)

LeaHall said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LeaHall said...

I am 27 and in the exact same boat. I just found your blog and feel completely addicted to it. Brilliant Writing. Real emotion. Love it. Thanks! <3

Diana said...

I so completely understand where you are at. I am ready for the next as well, but circumstances are keeping me where I am. There are just so many missing pieces, so I am crying for those pieces to come into my reach, to finish the vision. I have a hard time being content where I am and because of that, I can't help but wonder if I am the reason those pieces cannot be found (ya know, the whole "when you stop searching and are content right now, it'll happen").

Regardless, this post is one of the reasons I love your blog--it resonates with me. I find myself excited when I see you've posted a new one and every time I read, I am reminded why.

L.A. said...

Sounds like patience is a virtue neither one of us possesses... I just hope they're right though, the ones who say it'll all be worth the wait...

Jaime said...

I feel exactly in the same boat! I need to figure out how to get to the next.

Natalie said...

chasing the coffee cup around, what a cool concept. it's totally true. (and i'm making my veggies too! this has been the greatest challenge ever!)

Kalyn said...

I had the same exact sobbing conversation with my mother yesterday as well. It really does feel like this moment will stretch on forever. Being 25, putting in 40 hours a week at a job I can't stand and just hoping Mr. Right will somehow find his way here. Needless to say, I relate, I relate, I relate.

Heather said...

I wrote a post so similar to yours a few years back, I was staring at a blank wall, when all I wanted to be staring at was a picture. It's tough, lots of tears & words to whoever is up there or out there, but somehow life works it's magic in the oddest ways I believe.

Great writing per usual!

Anonymous said...

be happy now. :)

Anonymous said...

Trying so hard to be happy now. But the waiting is heartbreaking. It feels like being stuck will never end. And that makes going from day to day so much harder.

Thanks for always posting what we all need to read.