i'm gonna level with you all right now:
you should see the bags under my eyes right now. dark, heavy things. a force to be reckoned with.
when the play i was doing finally came to a close and i finished that next week of my-job-that-pays-the-bills, i had worked it out that it was something like seven and a half weeks without one day off. seven and half weeks of working, performing, rehearsing, riding the gosh-darn subway to back and forth and back and forth and on and on.
and the thing is, well...
i loved it. i loved being so darn busy. and because some of that busy was made up of stuff that i actually found fulfilling and meaningful i was able to continue on day after day. but when the ball stopped rolling and suddenly there was a bit more time.
i lost my balance. couldn't find my footing. i couldn't get enough sleep to satiate me. couldn't eat enough food to placate the stomach. and those darn bags under my eyes. not a thing to be done.
and don't even get me started on the blog. so much to say and absolutely no time or energy or will to do so.
and in the wake of the tumult i tend to be not tremendously kind with myself. there's this thing i have to do next week and i want to feel beautiful and i've not been feeling beautiful (and can we talk about how all the sudden i'm aging? hello acid reflux and the need for prescription glasses) and on and on and blah and blah.
how tedious. how boring.
meghan, i said, because sometimes when i need to be serious i talk to myself and use my full given name. meghan, you're about to go skiing for a week. and you're gonna breath in that cool mountain air and your gonna awaken muscles in your body that you haven't felt in far too long and it's gonna empower you. because you love it. you love to ski. and nothing makes you feel quite so beautiful as doing that which you most love.
so here i am. in utah. still with the dark bags. the eve before the first day on the mountain in years (with the exception of one very scary afternoon in vermont last year). i'll let you know if it's true, that if at the end of five days of the sun and the snow and challenge to the body and the pure love of coming so close to flying...if that's the true serum to that long-sought-after glow.