I've moved! This page should automatically redirect in 5 seconds, but if it doesn't, then click here.

1.09.2012

the tin atop my desk

there is a tine atop my desk filled with coffee-stained scraps, unfinished lists, scribbles of things i felt the call to remember.

this tin--well, the contents of this tin, might be my most prized possession.

it is random and chaotic and has absolutely no rhyme or reason, but it is important. to me, it is important.

it is a memory box.

i pulled it out the other day, took to leafing through the bits and pieces, scratched out lines that i felt i had properly tended to, circled words and phrases i wanted expand upn.

and i came across a list from november.

november was hard. the fall was absolutely hard this past year.

it was a list of the things i did one day when the going was particularly rough:

i slept with the humidifier on. ordered the books from amazon i'd been wanting. ordered some skirts from asos. woke early. i showered with my new body scrub. took the time to use lotion after getting out. i made sure my phone was fully charged. i ate a nourishing breakfast of oatmeal and flax seeds and slivered almonds. i scrubbed the mold from the shower curtain.

an innocuous list. not terribly exciting. someone else might come upon and wonder why i had thought to save it.

well, because on that day, when i was feeling so blue, each of those things was prefaced with i love myself enough that...

even at the lowest, even feeling blue and unworthy, and terribly sad, there came the thought:

i love myself enough to wash the shower curtain because i deserve to live in a clean home. 

i love myself enough to eat a hearty breakfast because my body deserves that much. 

i did the things i didn't feel like doing, because the larger, better part of me knew i deserved them.

it was a list of my successes that day. short and simple and not terribly interesting. but hugely triumphant, for me a triumph of the little odds and ends that keep one afloat and lead to that delicious territory in which happiness sings.

18 comments:

Maria said...

Even when you're at your worst, you're doing things for good. Even though it wasn't a "good day" it was still a great day. One that you came through greatly. I have a catch-all that I use to keep all my lists that I make, when I'm having a good day and when I'm having a bad day.

katilda said...

i started running because i liked a boy who is a runner, and he liked girls who run. turns out (no surprise) he never fell for me...but i kept running. but i had to make it about me, not about him. i hit my mile-markers because of ME and MY BODY. it has been an interesting but necessary shift.

Alisha said...

I would have kept that list too! "I deserve to live in a clean home"--LOVE that line!!

Hope your week is off to a great start!
xoxo

Brady said...

I have been loving your blog so much! I just wanted to let you know what I linked to it on mine today. (It'll post at 4 p.m.) I couldn't resist sharing such a great writer!

Erin said...

i would like to make this my motto: i love myself enough to...

wonderful words!

Sam | ashore said...

Meg,
this post rang so true to me today. it's a list of victories - of the little things (that are really the big things).

I also like that "made sure my phone was charged" is on the list. I feel like I'm perpetually in the red on that one.

Kayleigh said...

Thank you. Thank you so much for this profound piece of literary genius. It brought me to tears because oh how easy it is to live a self-deprecating life, yet you remind me that even on the tough days we must love ourselves enough to perform the rudimentary tasks of life, for they bring happiness if we let them.

Mary Grace said...

Did I ever tell you how much I adore your blog? Probably like a million times already, I do.

Emily said...

Love this post so much because you are so right. Doing these simple, essential things is a sign of self-love and things of which we need to do more. After reading your post, I stopped at the store and bought some fresh veggies and made myself a winter soup because on this cold, cold night, I needed some warmth and healthful nourishment. Thanks for your eloquence and wisdom!

cristie said...

so much wisdom and power in this post. xox

Meghan said...

ooo meg, november was my worst enemy too. i love the preface of that list. we should all have a stationary pad with that quote scrolled across the top. so important to remember, even on our worst days.

Celeste said...

this is how i want to think of everything i do.

Days Careen said...

That list is living history of you. In a thousand years time after they've deciphered the language and handwriting hidden behind the coffee stains they'll find it and wonder at the life you lived and also make wild guesses at what a humidifier and body scrub could have been used for!

It is evidence of a life lived and that's enough reason to keep it I'd say.

katilda said...

i left a comment earlier about running & boys, and it immediately inspired me to write a blog post about it. thanks for the inspiration! feel free to visit and check it out. i got some words out i'd clearly been needing to get out.

Jeneric Generation said...

Sometimes I think little random notes and scribbles are the best way to look back on life. I have little notebooks that I keep in my purse to write everything from grocery lists to train schedules to favorite names. They remind me of real moments, and recall the rawest of emotions. There is always hope :).

Megs said...

Right now is my November. The other day I looked around my place and the only thought that came to my head was, "it LOOKS like a depressed person lives here." And then I bought myself some flowers. And took out the garbage. When you are stuck, it is the little things.

Britti said...

This is so encouraging. At days where the waves of depression crash over me it is so tempting just to stay in bed and wallow in self pity. Very strong of you. You really are a role model!

Mel said...

This is just the type of post that I've been needing. The past few weeks have been hard for me and I need to collect my thoughts and remember that I do deserve the little and the big things.

Thanks