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girl talk.

i'm not good at being a girl. or rather, i'm the worst of all things female.

all that stuff that guys attribute to girls--the things that drive men nuts about women--i embody them.

i think way too much. i overanalyze everything. i worry. i gravitate towards nuttiness. i get lost in my head. or at the foot of my bed (i've been lost for days at the foot of my bed).  i disappear inward. have unknowable, unwordable thoughts.

and i cannot say what most needs to be said when it most needs to be heard.

i sat with my best girlfriend alisha last wednesday. in a diner on ninth avenue. it was pouring. we rushed in under the cover of a single, red umbrella, slid into the dark, brown booth and began an epic and important session of girl talk:

dating is hard, i said.                               {profound}.

yes, it is, she replied.

i've had enough, i said.                         {it's  not been a terribly successful month}.

okay, she replied, the way i see it you have two choices, meg. you can be done with dating.  for the time being, if you've had enough, then sure, fine, okay. but you gotta get yourself two cats then. and every day after work you have to go home and feed those cats. and then you have to sit on your sofa watch some bad television and eat some unsatisfying ice cream. then you have to go to bed and do it all over again. 

don't mock me, alisha.

i'm not. i'm really not. i'm just being brutally honest. so you can do that. or can you soldier on. and accept that it's hard. for everyone, dating is hard. and we all struggle and we all worry and don't be so ridiculous to think you're the first or the last person to have ever had these thoughts--to have ever wanted to give up. 

alright. point made, i said, half-smiling, leaning back, reluctant to admit that i was lapping up her wisdom.

not quite, alisha continued on, you have to be hard on yourself. you can't go on one date and be satisfied for a month. you have to keep pushing and going and moving forward. you have to be courageous and hold yourself accountable. 

alisha is one of those dear no-nonsense friends (part of the yesterday's blogged about cocktail for happiness). and i'm trying really hard to hang onto all of her wise words this week.

claire (another dear no-nonsense friend) coined the phrase "cocktail for happiness" and suggested honesty is a part of the mix i forgot to list. i suspect she's right.

so courage and honesty...my two signposts of the week.


forward [e]motion said...

i've been thinking about this a bit lately too.

i feel soo comfortable on my own - and i've embraced it a little bit - built a sanctuary for myself. i love my big bed. my white sheets, white curtains. my succulent plants. my morning cups of tea.

i love my single life. most of the time i love it because i don't actually think of it as 'my single life', i just think of it as my life, and i happen to be single.

i know i'm happy by myself right now. i have brilliant friends so i don't really feel alone. i get alone with myself pretty well. i'm in my head a lot, but i'm learning to be ok with that also.

thing is, i do want to share my life with someone. i would love to move through life sharing experiences with someone who i can give myself to completely. but that's just it - i get ahead of myself and i only see the finish line (the brilliant guy, wherever he is) and i forget that there is probably a lot of hilarious in between searching that will no doubt be joyous, loving, and well, essential.

i think your friend is right. i should take an honest look at my efforts. i hear what she's saying, but i also want to go on gentle on my heart.

tricky tricky. good luck dear meg!

bel. x

Anonymous said...

It is hard, Meg! That is for sure! I have my own stipulations that make it hard. Persevere, and you'll be fine! :)

marissa (stylebook) said...

i've always wondered if dating in new york was harder than dating anywhere else in the world. (well, settling down. the dating part is probably a cinch!) what do you think? going through my mental rolodex of eligible nyc friends to set you up with... ;)

chin up, buttercup!

Ana Magdalena said...

dating is hard, oh-so-hard... but not dating or having no desire to go on a date is even harder. I have been in love with an ex for a year, a whole year. I don't see him, I don't talk to him, I just miss him & remember him. that kills my dating desire, but then I think: his memory is still there because I haven't found a guy interesting enough to create new ones with.

Paula said...

You may not end up where you thought you were going, but you will always end up where you were meant to be. This is one of my favorite quotes it reminds me to be open to everything and to just keep going no matter what.

Vanessa said...

Tat old adage about kissing frogs is so true. But your friend is right, it's that way for everyone. I forget where I heard it, but someone said "all relationships fail, until one doesn't." It might sound rough but in a way it's nice. It makes you appreciate that relationship so much more, because you know how special and rare it is.
You'll find it. You're an awesome, gorgeous girl. And young. You'll find it!

Lauren said...

All those things you said you are in the beginning, I am like that too. Overthinking and worrying... sometimes I don't know how people put up with me. But you will find the person that loves those things about you. I am sure of it. :)


Ramona said...

Oh how I know what you're talking about. I find myself between letting go, jumping of the cliff into the unknown abyss of falling in love without knowing if you are ever going to be loved back and protecting my heart from being stolen by somebody I might not be meant to be with. I guess it is all a process of patience. Trusting that one day at the perfect time and place I will meet the right One or his eyes will be opened. And I certainly don't want to miss out on that moment. So I guess like you said we must continue to press forward to go through all the unanswered questions and the hard times of still waiting for the right one.

Kaylan said...

i embody them, too. love this post.

Robby Spratt said...

It sounds like your friend is wise. Dating is difficult, but so is everything that is worthwhile and valuable.

Jasmine said...

Dating IS difficult, but every miserable date is worth it when it brings you to the right man sometime. Don't give up..even if two cats would be a cute alternative ;)

Ariel said...

I love this!

Irene said...

Good girlfriends like that are so priceless. I'm so glad and grateful for the straight-shooters that God sees fit to put in our lives. :)

Kate said...

Alisha sounds like a very wise and honest person. I think we all need girlfriends like that. I don't know where I'd be without mine.

jorjiapeach said...

i dig this. dating is exhausting. but the alternative (as proposed by alisha) is just downright unappealing. thanks for sharing.

Alissa said...

I find so much comfort in remembering I'm not the first nor the last person to do anything difficult. And I also like to remind myself that I don't need to apologize for being a woman. People fall in love with us because we're neurotic and full of thoughts and sometimes disappear into ourselves (not in spite of all that). That makes us real.

Sonja said...
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Anonymous said...

courage + honesty = two of the hardest things about the human race (especially in relationships)


Anonymous said...

nice to know i'm not the only one thinking bout all those crazy stuff haha

CeliaR said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

i'm glad that you are running with 'courage & honesty' in you dating quest/s.

(i used to run with 'availability & breasts')

amanda baker said...

I took that as my motto, too, very shortly before I met my husband.
We've been together for two years, and if we hadn't had the courage and honesty (and willingness to see the absurd in everything) that it took to meet each other, we wouldn't have the courage, honesty, and humor to make our marriage work. Words to live by!

nancy said...

I wish I had a girlfriend who I could speak with on such a raw, honest level over a few cocktails. you are so blessed.

Christie said...

Meg, sometimes when I come and read your blog I think you and I are living the exact same life. Except I happen to be stuck in Oklahoma (which I assure you makes everything 1000x worse).

But really, knowing I'm not the only one makes me feel a little less like a crazy person. So thanks.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Sometimes, I want my boyfriend to read your blog, so that he knows that, I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S LIKE THIS. See, I have a significant other and yet, I still do this; over-analyze, "mindfuck" My Love refers to it, not always so lovingly. WORRY CONSTANTLY. Completely fucking nutty.

There are the men that will fall and love that---but it certainly isn't easy, on either side of the coin. in a relationship, or not.