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6.17.2011

someday i'll look back on all of this and laugh. i will laugh, yes?

i need someone to explain it to me.

that thing that happens.

when you like someone. from afar.

and suddenly you have never flirted before. never in your life.

never begun a conversation.

never dared to smile.

these things have never happened, not once. or...well, you can't imagine how they might have...ever, because they are certainly not possible now.

you are inept. in every possible way.

a mute.

inexperienced.

bereft of all courage and knowledge.

one might call me a lively conversationalist. and one might be right. i am. (occassionally). given enough time and enough courage, i most definitely am. and i can smile and toss my hair as well as the girl next to me. but in the presence of the smallest inkling of desire i am...

helpless.

and why is this? someone explain this. please, please explain this.

30 comments:

Mackenzie said...

oh i so relate to this. i think it's a complex of completion. the fact that you could have something so great is, oddly enough, terrifying. that once you have it, then you have it, and the desire might fizzle quickly. i'm sure the feeling will go away with in time, once the right one comes around and a little bit of pixie dust mixes in.

Courtney said...

First of all, best title EVER.

Secondly, I am in the same exact boat as you. So when you do find the answers, clue me in!

sonny said...

cuz you aren't audrey hepburn ?
....and dont have an apple tree to pick apples off from or maybe its not raining in new york ?

grins...

Mandee lost her individuality. said...

This will be hilarious to you someday. Especially when you are with your future husband/significant other and you watch your single friends clam up in front of a crush. You'll know what they're feeling, and you will be amazed that you were once as awkward as they are. but mostly you will be happy that stage in your life is over.

Brittany said...

right? seriously, inept and mute. it's amazing and seriously frustrating. but also, when i suddenly forget how to do anything, i know it's something worth figuring out.

Brissa said...

once someone has explained this to you, please feel free to share. this disease has plagued me for far too long.

Mallory said...

Sadly, I haven't experienced this in a while. Darn. There's a lack of cute and worthy of crush-able guys where I live.

Magdalena Viktoria said...

reading this, I was thinking...this is me--completely.

sheilainafrica said...

Spot on. And the worst part for me? I might even start giggling. GIGGLING! absolutely embarrassing.

colleen said...

that's something we in the field like to call "chemistry".

withoutizy said...

I agree with Mallory! I've had none of this recently, oh dear. I like that awkward stage, where you melt like butter and it's all about testing out whether your attraction is reciprocated.

Malin said...

I'm currently at this stage, I end up acting like a 14 year old girl.. Lots of giggling and shizz. Why, oh why can I not be cool, calm and collected?

Joel said...

Another aspect of your adorable-ness.
"Do not be shy but rather be daring and be bold if there is something that you can do, then do it."
~Dick Gautier.

christine said...

because it's new, and it really is the first time you're doing this with him. i don't think it gets easier, but maybe we get braver. although it really doesn't feel like we do.

last night a friend of mine, who is in her 50s, talked about meeting George Clooney!!!! she said she pulled a move that embarrassed even her daughter who is in her 20s, when she dropped a deep throated "oh, helloooooooo."

we talked about this very thing. maybe it's just hormones... although that's such a lame excuse. totally true (possibly) but lame.

christine said...

oh and we were rolling on the floor as she told us about meeting George!!! we laughed until we cried.

becky said...

My simple answer is: because it means something. And because, well, because maybe you don't need to flirt for the right man. The right man doesn't need that performance--those scenes that make up the act of woo-ing. Because right men see you for you and not the actions that so many others have tried, desperately (and in vain) to imitate. Am I making sense?

Ana* said...

awkward frustration-> that's how I feel about this... I do it all the time, no shame, no shame. I can't wait until this stage is over. Oh Mr.Right, hurry up!!

look a little closer said...

oh the things we never say! it's scary. i think that's why it's hard. :) at least for me. but you are adorable and would probably blow any guy out of the water with your words, making HIM the one nervous around you.

happy friday!

D&D said...

hmmm.
you should read "for desire" by kim addonizio
i think she sums up how you're feeling quite nicely. or least she once did for me.

Erin said...

Because your sudden surprise at being mesmerized catches you off guard... and you realize you want that person to notice you and be mesmerized in the same way... but how much flirting is too much?? Our human instict to impress others is... well, complicated. It overtakes our senses sometimes. What a lovely feeling! But don't forget... it's okay to stutter and stumble and act like a young girl who doesn't know the first thing about love. Sometimes that's all it takes. :)

Alex said...

Right there with you. It's so easy to just turn into mute mush when an object of desire is near. Guess you just have to muster the confidence, remember how incredible you are, and take that leap! And, if it doesn't work out, it will definitely be something to giggle at later. :)

stumblingSarahAshley said...

I am the loudest most outgoing gal I know but when it comes to a guy I like, I turn to butter. ridiculous. it's best explained in the song "Shy That Way" by Jason Mraz and Tristan Prettyman(who are actually engaged now)

Sarah said...

Oh, yeah--this is so classic. I can flirt up a storm with people I don't care about. For me, it's about vulnerability. I can flirt with people if it's all surface... but th second I start to care if they reciprocate, I wonder if being myself is too much, or not enough, or just wrong, etc. So, a big key for me is just being myself, with what my good friend calls her "take it or leave it" approach. Being yourself, being open, can be difficult, but a lot easier in the long run because you know if someone responds to you, they're responding to YOU, not who you've crafted yourself to be in the time you spend with them.

That sounds so convoluted when I read it--hope that makes sense. Nutshell: you have to be the real you, and be vulnerable to that real you being rejected sometimes. Way easier said than done.

Rachael said...

... because suddenly it matters.

Jennifer Rod said...

beats me! let me know if you figure it out.

Arianna said...

I, am the same, way. And I love this.. beautifully written!

dull boy said...

from a male perspective, the problem of not being able to engage in simple conversation when there is an inkling of desire can be scientifically explained...

'males were created with two "heads", - unfortunately they only have enough blood to run one at a time'.

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

Oh wow, I can totally relate! Though when I met Joel it was completely different. I felt so comfortable. But that was probably because we were friends first and he knew how hopeless I was already :p Good luck with the crush, it sounds so exciting! And my guy friends would pick someone sweet over someone flirty any day, and you are the sweetest!

Anonymous said...

I can truly relate to this..
I guess, in my own case anyway, this occurs due to my own insecurities. The feeling of not being good enough. That the smallest mistake or slip up would be the end of this budding infatuation.
And the feeling, that wonderful feeling of the prospect of love is so intoxicating!
This intoxicating feeling is followed by a shadow of fear and doubt. And I become utterly and helplessly mute. Nodding and smiling like an utter idiot.....

Kate said...

Ugh, story of my life. It's either this, or I suddenly turn into an idiot.