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5.23.2011

variants and tentacles.

i like this one

people keep asking the same two questions.

or, variants of the same two questions:

there's the first regarding acting and whether or not i'm auditioning and will i ever give it a go?

the second involves men, always, men.

am i dating? why not? do i want to date? would i like to go out with this person's brother's ex-girlfriend's cousin, twice-removed.

let me address the latter: of course i'm open to dating. but the thing is...i like (love) being single. never have i liked (loved) it more.

so i'm not worried. about acting or men. those two questions remain happily unanswered. because the long and short of it is, i don't know.

what i do know is this:

i love the feel of the heavy camera around my neck. and the scent of the sunscreen i put on my face each morning. i love watching late-spring-storms roll in across the hudson from my window.

i love that life is not easy or predictable and that each day brings new and unexpected strangeness.

this is not to say life is easy or i'm always all-together in love with it.

life has been tricky lately. there is not enough time. not enough courage in my well. i fail with words when words i most need.

but there is a sense that now--this now--is somehow sacred. that everything is on the cusp. i find i'm growing tentacles. moving outwardly with both thought and word and so living my way into innumerable answers.

i suppose what i'm saying is...i'm not worried about those two--those two questions that everyone else wants to answer.

because if i live life fully--if i live it outwardly. if i answer all the other questions, they will come along, no? sort themselves out. reveal their answers in their own time. on their own terms.

and i'll wake one morning and the response will fill me, prompting new questions--demanding new life.

26 comments:

Ana* said...

Amen to living in the moment. beautifully written as always.

withoutizy said...

ahhhh perfect blog post for me to read before i go to sleep.

i'm 23, have a degree and all i want to do for the next few years is strap my camera around my neck and travel and volunteer.

it's scary, because i love being in a relationship (i love being single too) - and i feel like by traveling and being a free girl i'm saying stuff you to the whole relationship thing. and the whole growing up thing.

it's not really that, it's just my passion is seeing the world and helping people.

i'm glad you're okay with being single. i'm really overly fine with it until someone asks. or someone gets engaged.

Jenni Austria Germany said...

you can't date anyone right now (or take any acting roles, i suppose) because you need to remain unattached for your big, upcoming european adventure. although maybe the acting thing will help you finance the whole thing, so....we'll leave that one up in the air.

also, when i was tweet-stalking you last night i came across something about you having Polish eyes...how have we never discussed this before? you have Polish eyes? i have a Polish bf! fate.

Ashley Lane Hamlin said...

Wow. Just wow.
great post.

Alex said...

Everything on the cusp. Love that. I'm sure the best is yet to come for you :)

Ramona said...

Amen to that! sometimes when we're trying to find something so hard or trying to achieve something we only look ahead into the future forgetting what happens now. But I feel if we are faithful and good stewards of what is given to us now and if we live each day to the fullest, knowing that we tried and made and effort to do our best then I think things will come our way the way we could've never imagined them. And things will happen so naturally and beautifully and our dreams will come true.

Stevie Leigh said...

This is really beautiful, Meg. I'm starting to appreciate those unanswered questions as well. Thanks for sharing.

- S

SarahAnn said...

It really amazes me that people ask these things. Maybe they're not asking in a bossy, nosey way like I was imagining.

But then, it's probably good that they ask you because you set such a lovely, realistic, healthy example. It's not how my life turned out, but I certainly fancied an unattached life, traveling the world. I will live it out vicariously through you.

marissa said...

it sounds like you know EXACTLY what you need to do. i'm one of those "let it flow" people too. the rights things at the right time will fall into place.

Mackenzie said...

meg, sometimes i feel like you are my sensei and you teach me all the things i need to know at just the right time. this is perfect.

Alexandria said...

Cheers to that sistah friend. You speak the truth.

Leighana said...

The gist of this post describes my life right now. It's tricky. People are asking me a lot of questions. It feels like everyone but me needs to know what exactly I am doing with my life, when, where and why. It is really nice to know i'm not the only one who realizes there are other "parts" of life. And it's ok to take time to enjoy them.

Leighana's Life

becky said...

I like this. I like this A LOT. Most of all, I like that life is treating you right---that it is allowing you time to breathe, and cherish, and love.

Erin said...

isn't that what life is all about, after all? :)

c.e.l.i.n.a said...

Its true.
Live life, and the rest falls into place.
♥ theMRS.

mina said...

I LOVE this post. I am with you 150%!!

xx
mina
www.meetmina.blogspot.com

Maria said...

Go you! I love this so much! Live in the moment. Always.

Sam {fitnessfoodandfaith.blogspot.com} said...

what a beautiful post. you go girl!!

Mrs. C said...

I think this is something that can always be a struggle...I am beyond happily married and love life but sometimes I wonder if I should be "single", traveling, living it up...etc. Take one day at a time and follow your heart. At the end of the day it's always the right choice.

www.mrscapretta.com

Karls said...

Absolutely! Not much more I can say really.

colleen said...

this is perfect. i felt this way during my two years in grad school where i fell madly in love with life and found being single a joy and every day full of new discoveries. and the thing about falling in love with being alive, is that it never leaves you once it happens. it's one of the best loves there is. so keep enjoying it and keep growing those tentacles!

Jennie said...

Inspiring! Sometimes when I start to get lonely I have to remind myself that being single can be a gift too. Thanks for the reminder!

-Jennie (http://www.shesveggingout.blogspot.com)

Rachael said...

I am totally with you. I have no boyfriend and no other attachments. I'm working at a job I love waiting to start my PhD 8 hours away in a gorgeous place I'm looking forward to moving to. So, I feel very 'temporary.' Each day is different, each moment is, as you perfectly put it, on the cusp.
I used to be worried about not being in a relationship (because if I'm not in one yet, and then it takes such-and-such years before you REALLY know someone and then planning a wedding takes awhile, etc, then I'll be OLLLDD by the time I'm married, right? Right?), and heck, sometimes I still am, but I think taking this weird, meandering road right now will shape me into a far more interesting person. It's nice to see someone else's life resonating with my own.

Erin Marie said...

I love this. You have such a way with words! Thank you thank you for this lovely post.

Jennifer M. said...

Very well said! I've found, too, that when I stop worrying about the big questions (boyfriend, what am I going to do with my life, etc) that things just sort of take care of themselves. Not that I necessarily figure everything out, but more that I find happiness in unexpected places. Which really, is what makes life to wonderful to live in the first place, right?

Kate said...

This is so very, very true. I always find I'm happiest when I'm not trying to be. All you have to do is try and live your life the way you want. Everything comes in time, forcing it never helps.