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4.19.2011

tina fey's prayer for her daughter/book club selection



First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Bea......uty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.



april was nutty for me. so there was a pass on this month's book club--with easter and passover and moving and the like. but we'll start back up (fear not) in may. and i figured why not read something totally different...so...bossypants it is. i mean, after all, what's not to like about tina fey. and that prayer...isn't it something? a little sampling of the book to wet your appetite. 

25 comments:

Joni and Rico Adams said...

This is brilliant. I love her witty writing. I have thought some of these very things as I am due with a little girl in June. I may just have to read this book :)

KristyWes said...

Love it! So excited to read this book.

Sarah said...

I've been seeing reviews of this here and there, and each time I make a mental note to pick it up. If the title Bossypants weren't a good enough reason, that excerpt you provided definitely is. :)

Brissa said...

Tina Fey is my ultimate girl-crush. I had no idea about this book. But now, thanks to you, I'm running to Barnes and Noble right after work to buy a copy.

Claire Kiefer said...

Hilarious. Especially the part about "when she calls me a bitch in front of Hollister." HA!

Marian said...

Must. Buy. Book. Now!!

Cinzia In Italia said...

I've been wanting this book. It will definitely be one of the first things I buy when I get back to the States!

Eva said...

it's a GREAT book, i read it in 24 hours.

emily said...

my sister emailed me this prayer a few days ago. i love it. can't wait to read the book.

Julia said...

i just finished reading this the other day. it is probably the most hilarious thing i have ever read. i hope you enjoy it!

Jenni Austria Germany said...

Youdammit.

too funny.

Platypodian said...

good choice!

Happy Wife said...

Thanks for sharing.
hope you're well.
xo

Shelby Lou said...

This is amazing, and hilarious. I love it. I might just join the book club, from thousands of miles away. :D

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

That's fantastic!! Tina Fey is so funny :)

Brittan said...

Yes! Can't wait to make it to this one!

Erin {pughs' news} said...

I saw this in the bookstore the other day and I had both kids tugging on my arms so I didn't get a chance to look at it. Now I simply must! That prayer is fantastic.

Chelsea said...

that was incredibly sweet. It made me tear up and laugh! Oh how I love tina fey.

the picture on the cover is hilarious.

oxoxo

Alex said...

Words are not enough to properly describe the genius that is Tina Fey. I want her to be my mom, sister, AND BFF.

Brittany said...

great choice. i just finished reading it and i was dying laughing. tina is one of my most favorite people.

beth said...

i had no idea tina fey had a book. i need to read it now! i love tina.

Mackenzie said...

when i read this, i was on the train in boston and literally could not control myself. i almost got off early so i could truly savor it. she is my role model.

rebecca said...

Bossypants just came in the mail. Can't wait to start it.

Chelsea said...

I featured this post in my weekly roundup of my favorite links this week.

thanks for the inspiration!

have a great weekend.

-Chelsea

www.usthreebirds.blogspot.com

Georgette said...

Meg, I am so excited about you choosing this!! xo