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4.20.2011

breaking it.

a lovely, young, german fellow has been staying in the apartment the last few days.

a friend of a friend, we offered him housing for this part of his trip.

he'd been planning to come to the east coast for quite some time and was meant to be accompanied by his girlfriend, but as he said, we broke.

they broke.

they broke it.

i marvel at these words. this language. and wonder if it's ever been so succinctly--so perfectly put. if truer, more piercing words exist to describe the end of...well, whatever it is that ends. because often it's not love. nor the individual. it's the time and the place and the tennuous meeting of...well, of whatever it is that meets.

i think back on all those great loves in my life. and of all the times i broke it. not very many, as it turns out. and of the times it broke before it even began. was i meant to fight for it? to stake a claim? to simply ask?

i don't think so. because i was so close to breaking, myself.

and i did. and i broke. and i needed to break. by myself. alone.

and i'm so glad that i did. because i love how i've managed to put myself back together. my beautiful humpty-dumpty fault lines both hidden and exposed, creating texture and life.

but now i wonder if it's too late to ask? to say yes, i loved you, i love you, and i refuse to let you break this. or if you do, i come bearing super-glue.

i do believe in marriage and i marvel at people's amazement of that--because don't we all? or at least, don't we all want to?

i believe no more courageous of an act exists. the last, great form of rebellion as liz gilbert pointed out her second book, committed. 


i don't know if it's possible. life-long love and commitment--the kind that never breaks. after all, we are human. but know this: i believe that things once broken can be restored. and i wake each morning with a humble thanks for that very fact.

33 comments:

Betsey said...

love this so much. especially the last part - things once broken can be restored. I am learning that everyday and it amazes me.

but I do believe in life long love and commitment- the kind that never breaks in the first place...because I have seen it with my own eyes. In my Grandparents relationship, they have been married 60 YEARS and still hold hands, speak with affection, and have 'that look' in their eyes when they glance at each other. It is so precious, and rare, but oh so possible.

Laura Marie said...

It's been one of those days, one of those weeks, and this just made me cry--let me cry, really. Gave me the excuse and the reason and the strength.

<3 Thanks, friend.

Katie said...

The problem I have found, having been smashed and broken and crumbled up to the ground no less than six months ago is that...even though I've gathered the pieces, glued them together, and moved my heart along...there is still this damn crack. And it won't go away.

I hope you understand my jumbled words. I'm sure you do. You're a heart listener, I'm thinking.

::: Wild lola/Naia said...

I undertand your thoughts and I agree, you made me laugh with super-glue...haha and yes, I think in all languages we say "to break", I talk Basque and Spanish and it´s the same.
And i really think that broken can be restored, time tells you if you are right or if you should break again...

Ana* said...

I do believe broken can be restored; I like the word restored better.

magdalena viktoria said...

after reading this I wrote to a friend with whom things have been 'broken'. I hope it can be restored again.

Thank you for writing this.

Lola said...

This made my heart hurt a little, in that good way it can when it swells just a little. Growing pains? "was I meant to fight for it?" I've been thinking when it's meant to be we'll seamlessly fit together with no fight, no effort. But maybe we all want to be fought for, just a little? I still ask myself this.

Kate said...

I've never heard it said more perfectly, we broke it. I think there was something along the lines of that in Eat Pray Love. Or I might be getting it mixed up with another book, not sure.

I believe that love and commitment that never breaks exists. I know it's kind of cheesy, but I just have to look at my parents and my grandparents. Sure they have their fights, but they just have that type of love for one another that never breaks.

Jay said...

thank you in return for sharing this! the following words were just what i needed to hear now;

"but now i wonder if it's too late to ask? to say yes, i loved you, i love you, and i refuse to let you break this. or if you do, i come bearing super-glue."

with super-glue at hand, best of wishes from norway :)

Erin said...

can you possibly be any more poetic and beautiful? the humpty dumpty fault lines -- what a great expression! how DO you come up with all of this? i couldn't say it better myself. no way. i hope you write a book someday.

Jo said...

This is so beautiful!
And, I suppose there may always be little breaks here and there. I think we've found our "one" when we decide it is worth it to come bearing super glue.
Oh, how I love this post!

Jay said...

please forgive me, but i had to quote you. credited of course :)

Jenni Austria Germany said...

i'm running out of words to describe how much i love, love, love your posts.

also, he's german?! love!

sarah nicole said...

This gave me chills!

Thank you.

S

Danielle said...

"i believe that things once broken can be restored. and i wake each morning with a humble thanks for that very fact." i love this. beautifully said like always ms. meg!

becky said...

Do you know how beautiful this is? Because it perhaps one of the most beautiful things I have read in my lifetime. There is so much feeling here---so much sensitivity. But what really rocks it is the truth---the truth that I feel seeping from every, single word. And you're right, or at least I agree with you. I am not so sure ever-lasting love can exist without a few little breakages along the way. And I cannot profess that those breakages don't scar deeply and don't take a long time for red lines to turn into pearlescent, shining skin of the tissue. But it does make us stronger and it most certainly, when both parties are willing, sweeten the love that restores and mends over those cracks.

Kaleena J. said...

you always have a way of putting words beautifully together. Your writing is so honest and true. The thing that i love and feel grateful for is that each time "i break" is that when i finally get put back together, i'm still me... just a new, better, and a little more wise model of me.

Micaela said...

"it broke."

beautiful and a perfect way to describe it... and the image you paint of wanting so desperately to save something with super-glue...

i had wanted to do that in my last relationship. even now in happiness, the remembrance of that desperate need to "fix what was broken" still pierces me because that is a feeling you never forget.

"i believe that things once broken can be restored."

that line makes me want to cry because i thank God every day that a kind hearted man came into my life and believed that. and now i wake up each morning so blessed he is now my husband.

and the surprise of it all, the beautiful surprise... marriage suits me well. i am GOOD at loving one person whole heartedly.

one day you're going to make a man so lucky to call you his wife.

Toni said...

I think that life-long love and commitment if full of patched up small breaks. I too believe that broken things can be restored. But I also like the verbage of "we broke" Very simple and yet perfectly precise. Great post!

Darryn said...

Love this, thanks.

Tucker said...

I find myself also marveling at the simply put/honest/real ways a person who has english as their second language puts it. When you have few words, you make them count.

we broke. how poignant.

believe me when i tell you that i was very much broken, and am restored now. it does happen and i'm happy to read you believe that (:

by the way, never stop writing. pretty please. i enjoy it too much.

christine said...

Amen, sister!

I too give daily thanks for this one. And pray that a certain broken friendship will be repaired.

This post is some of your best writing ever. Thanks.

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

Wow..just wow. Amazing. This is my favourite post yet.

jessica renae said...

i love this - it's so beautifully honest. i believe in marriage, too. i believe that even when love breaks, it can be put back together. and the incredible thing about love is, when it's put back together the right way, it's stronger than it was before it broke in the first place.

dull boy said...

happy easter meg.

(going away for a week with no computer - yay!)

Michelle said...

I believe in marriage too, and I believe that marriage is supposed to be difficult to an extent, because it is intended to mold, shape and change our nature to one of love, forgiveness and compassion.

Being committed to someone through thick and thin causes us to dig deep and finally discover what real love is.

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

What a great post,love your blog.

Kaylan said...

ahh you kill me. such beautiful words. i kind of sing them. i could never read your posts in public, because people would think i'm too weird.

my favorite part is that you believe that once things are broken they can restored, because let's just say i believe the same... but my parents don't agree. makes things difficult on my end!

anyway, what's this german guy like? we could be european neighbors!!

Little Tree Vintage said...

this was so beautifully written, thank you for writing it...

Autumn said...

I think that is really the best way to describe that. Even in my short marriage so far I have realized some time it would be easier for us to break than to stay together even though we are happy. However, learning how to work things out and re-learn things can be so sensitive too- but that's kind of the adventure of it too.

gypsy cab said...

so cool

Taylor said...

This is beautiful! I just wanted to say I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Also, you're blog is lovely. I'm gonna hit that follow button now!

Meg said...

I think some of the strongest relationships I've ever seen are those that broke and were patched up. Those weaknesses, fault lines or just faults (whatever you want to call them) can become strengths if we let them. examine and re-fit to ourselves in a way that is less jagged and heartbreaking and more reinforcing and comforting. (which is the same with our own personal fault lines - they become our strengths if we patch them up the right way).

thanks for the post xoMeg

www.megsmumbo.com