dear love,
i get blue. sometimes. often, maybe. i lean in that direction. and then, sometimes more, i lean into it. the blue.
and when i do, i can be convinced--or rather, i convince myself--that, well... a change in hair color can change my life.
yes. hair color.
and the thing is. it doesn't. and i end up hating it. and spending far too much time scrub-a-dub-dubbing it away in the shower.
so in those moments--those quiet lulls when you feel me fading, pull me close, kiss my lips, and promise that you won't let me touch my tresses--because you think they're perfect just as they are.
hell, you think i'm perfect just as i am.
love, love,
the girl with the hair with the auburn cast (for now)
16 comments:
i've heard it said that wild women don't get the blues, but i do sometimes, too.
years ago, my boyfriend drove me to the grocery store at midnight on a tuesday, just so i could be around color and light and life. he took me to the flower aisle and asked me to dance, and that is why i am marrying him in may.
your words are beautiful. to think, this man of yours is out there somewhere, not even knowing how starry-eyed lucky he is yet.
@ emery: oh my word. he sounds absolutely lovely. so glad you found yours. xo. thanks for the kind words.
a change of hair color has never worked for me either. sadly, i usually have to turn to baked goods.
there are days when i feel like withdrawing deep into myself..curling up again into myself and in those lonely moments...when insecurities reign high...i know i can turn onto my side...roll onto his bed...and i know without a doubt that even if he is deep in sleep...he will pull me into his arms...and i can hide my face into his chest and hide from the world....
wrote this a few days ago...
accentuating blissful acceptance
acceptance of one's own weaknesses
the inability to shrug fears
dreading
oh i couldn't bear
stupid notions cling
doubts permeating the very pores of the soul
like endless needles that sting
wearing hot pink wouldn't really solve the problem
or dying the hair sassy red
when that self worth seems long dead
why get sad
get fucking mad
stark raving mad
but for a change, direct it to self
for letting the rigor mortis set in
while the lava still flowed through the veins
to be so bloody obsessed with only your pain
letting the bitterness envelope you
no
wearing hot pink won't really help
while you still persist in clinging to your melancholy blue
sonny
I'm the same way, only with haircuts. And those are MUCH harder to get rid of, haha.
I think this is magnificent, and the man you wind up with is already so incredible lucky. I have a hunch he'll know it, too. :)
I know I've said it before, but I just love your letters to your husband to be. Love. Them. In the last 6 months my hair's been light blonde, dark brown, red, auburn. And my emotions have swung equally dramatically. I dyed it back to my natural shade of dark blonde last Saturday, and hoping my emotions return to their normal state of sane as well. :)
I have to admit I do this as well... whenever I am feeling down, i find myself changing my hair color. I look at it as a form of transformation. It actually works for me...
I really do love these letters to your future love. they are beautiful...
i love these posts mostly bc i believe that if you put words into the universe, there is some force behind them that makes them real.
i remember emailing my girlfriends before i went away to maine for a weekend and wrote "i will find a man that smells of whiskey with an anchor tattoo."
i met someone that made me swoon and i saw a hint of something under his sleeve. he lifted it and it was an anchor. i still swoon when i see it.
words are powerful ...!
funny. i did not realize that seeking satisfaction in life through hair color was a wide spread phenomenon. I have been sinking into a level of dissatisfaction lately and was thinking a change in hair color was just the fix i needed...
thank you for showing me the error of my ways.
I'm hoping the sunshine will give me a bright, fun blonde shade here before too long.
i love the honest earnestness in your future man friend posts, dear meg. i love that in your brevity you can cover so much emotion and loveliness of love itself.
i'm the same brand of broad myself, but mine is buying new nail polishes. i'm a firm believer in the power of nail polishes being the cure for basically everything :)
xoxo
Beautiful picture Meg!
I feel like we're so alike.
Do you ever feel like sometimes you break your own heart just to prove that you can bounce back from it? Like...you said that you lean into the blue...and that totally made sense to me. I will dwell on things purposefully because I feel like maybe if I think about it enough, if I'm sad enough all at once, I'll get over it faster.
Does that make sense?
i find myself falling into these same kinds of spells. it's comforting to know others feel this way too!
I love your blog so much - entry after entry!
Before I met the love of my life for the first time, we were pen pals for about 5 months. From his site I somehow derived an idea that he liked blonds - and before meeting with him I got so nervous, that I dyed my naturally auburn colored hair into dark brown! I guess, I wanted to sabotage myself, to have an explanation of why he wouldn't like me anyway. Funny enough, later on I found out that he finds dark hair to be the most beautiful. And now it doesn't matter anymore - I keep my naturally auburn hair.
The man who'll deserve your letters will be so lucky to have you!
oh my goodness. i started a journal like this and almost threw it away. i've been writing in it...well, for almost 10 years now (i'm 31) and the person i was then, isn't the person i am now. oh the vulnerability of it. you inspire me to keep writing and keep the journal.
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