everyone's begun to panic that i'm not dating anyone.
(any by everyone i mean my mother. though maria said i have only two years before i reach spinsterhood--two years being her mark because she was twenty-seven when she tied the knot).
on my first day home i sat at the counter watching the television as i chomped down on my omega bread and peanut butter. my mother slid a j. crew catalog in front of me. flipped to a page with an abundance of strapless dresses. see these? i think, you should think, about wearing one of these to the wedding this summer.
i have a wedding to go to this summer.
my mother thinks i should wear a strapless dress.
point of fact: my mother thinks a strapless dress will snag me a man.
oh, that's all it takes? okay then.
it became the joke of the week. strapless dresses: the panacea for my life.
i don't know why i haven't dated anyone seriously. maybe i'm picky. too picky? sure. maybe i've chosen poorly in the past. maybe the timing's been off. maybe, as it turns out, i'm quite shy. maybe i want the guy to make the first move. maybe i fear a broken heart.
honestly, maybe i just don't know.
but i'm willing to give the strapless dress thing a go.
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37 comments:
dear meg,
i am certain (as a person who has tried to make gawdawful disastrous men "work") that the universe gives us our love when we're ready for them.
not that disastrous men don't make for good stories, but i vote for trusting everything is going to work out just right.
xoxo! v
Ohhhh, strapless dress!!!
How did I not think of that?? haha.
Actually, my reasons are your reasons exactly!
Too picky, too shy, bad choices in the past, fear of a broken heart.
Add on that I have 2 boys. Who wants men in and out of their lives. I dated my last boyfriend off and on for about 4-5 years. My now 15 year old son seemed to get attached. We've been broken up (for good) for the past two years and my son STILL talks about him. UGH!
Ok, I didn't mean to make my comment longer than your blog post! ;)
Point being...I'm right there with ya sister!!!
But, maybe I'll buy me a strapless dress this summer! :)
@ valerie: dear valerie, i adore you in every possible way. and do very much trust that you are right!
your mother may have a point.
*he* and i met while playing soccer, and it took him a LONNNNG time to make a move. so long, in fact, that i made the first move (he disagrees). i'm sure he would've noticed me a LOT faster had i been wearing a strapless dress!
This post made me smile. :)
Don't worry too much about not having a boyfriend, things work out eventually.
Also, I don't think a woman is really in danger of becoming a spinster until at least 35, but that's my opinion.
From the male perspective I'm not so sure about this strapless dress thing. Some girls look good in them, but others just come off looking kind of trashy. Again that's my opinion. I'm not sure guys really care what a woman wears as long as she looks attractive and well kept.
One other thing to consider is giving guys green lights. Everyone is scared of rejection, and guys generally won't make a move unless they feel they have a reasonable chance for success. Giving "green light" type signals are very helpful as it tells the guy that he is clear to proceed.
:)
wow! I am with you on all of these thoughts!
I'm only 20 and my parents are both on the "Let's get Katie married" bandwagon. Everytime we go to a restaurant or anything and the waiter is male, my momma looks at me with huge eyes and says, "Don't you want to give him your phone number?!"
um, no. Thanks though.
Why is it that every boy in West Texas either has a can of snuff in their back pocket or a bumper sticker that says "I heart explosives" Where are all the normal guys?!
I couldn't relate to you more!! I feel like I am picky, and very traditional. I don't like to be the one making all the moves...
perhaps women like us who expect a little more from the average man simply take a little more time to be found. I am willing to wait for that, even if it takes me to spinstertown!
oh, if only strapless dresses were the solution! haha
too picky, too shy, bad choices in the past, the list goes on for me.
Please keep us informed of the strapless dress method, your mother might be right haha
I know how you feel. My dad insists that he will never see a grandchild from me... he is desperate for me to find someone, but it just hasnt been the time. I'm trusting and waiting that it will happen in due time. And you should just enjoy your singleness and let it come when it so pleases.
:)
maybe you just need a break... it's pretty exhausting...
maybe your future husband is a red-vespa-driving european who you'll meet as soon as you stop by for a visit....maybe? (am i the only person leading this campaign? i think so...)
shoulders and that darn clavicle bone are super sexy... i think your mom is on to something... =) Go get'em girl!
Hey! I found your blog a couple of weeks ago and I love it so far!
I HAVE dated seriously. I lived with one boyfriend for two and a half years before calling it quits. The guy I am dating now is even more serious (though we are not living together), but STILL neither of us is incredibly interested in marriage. Bad family experiences for both of us.
How relationships work out is different for everyone, and only those who really listen to their hearts and souls and minds rather than those of others get what they want in the end.
Valeri Irene
i think my brother would be painfully perfect for you. i mean, you two would be so cute, it'd hurt. have you ever dated a nice midwestern boy?
i kid, i kid. kind of. :)
Maybe you just don't want to settle. As you shouldn't! My vote is you've got to be 50 or older to fall into spinster territory.
@ mrs. dontje: is he anywhere close to nyc?!
over Christmas my five year old nephew asked me how old I was; when I told him I was twenty he exclaimed, "And you're not married?!!?!" Oh great. My 5 year-old nephew's disbelief that I could have reached the age of twenty and remained single put a slight damper on that day. However, it at least quickly turned into amusement :)
Strapless dress or not, you'll find someone when the time is right. In the meantime, (take this from a girl who never lived on her own,) enjoy your free time. :) Be happy anyway.
I am 37 years old, was engaged once, have dated ocassionally over the years good and disastrously, recently met and dated one of the best men that I've ever met only to end the relationship because we both knew we weren't the one for each other, and don't feel that I'm in danger of becoming a spinster. Although, in the UK any single woman regardless of age is legally referred to as a spinster.
My life is full of people I love and activities and things I enjoy. When I do date a man, he found me when I was simply living my life, doing my thing, and he found me irresistible because of this--strapless dress or not, usually not. It's even more exciting when I find him irresistible too.
I've learned that as long as I'm living and loving it, I'll meet him soon enough.
Have fun and enjoy life. Love will follow.
Every time I talk to my dad he suggests I try match.com or eharmony or something. It gets pretty annoying. I know he only wants me to be happy but I am just hoping that love finds me when it's time. I seem to have the same problem as you in that I'm too picky! I've also had really bad timing with guys. It's all about timing! Ugh.
your mother cracks me up! apparently, strapless dresses are the secret remedy to singlehood. who knew?
The strapless dress comment is hilarious! I love this post because I can tell that you aren't truly too concerned about "finding the one". So many people our age are running around worried about growing old and being single, but that's nothing to worry about! I think you're on the right track, just be you and the right guy will find his way to you.
funny, meg. again with a comment about my friend robin... robin and i always used to joke about tube tops being the key to getting a man. in jest, of course. we're talking forever 21, 5.7.9., contempo casuals, wet seal tube tops. and in case it needs to be mentioned, we left it as a joke... rather than humoring ourselves and discovering the type of dated we'd actually score in those sweet tube tops.....
oh man, all of those maybes ring true for me. That's probably my problem, too.
Your mom's comment reminds me of a conversation that I had with my grandfather before he went away on his trip to the homeland
grandpa: when can I tell your grandfather (my mom's dad) when you are getting married
me: never
my oldest aunt then chimes in and tells says smart girl.
I know my problem's that I'm too picky. Luckily I have a long while before I have to even think about getting married. But I think that love and all that come when they come. It's all circumstances and luck.
meg, he lives in michigan. *sigh*
i agree with all those reasons for why we're not seriously dating. so stressful! but sometimes, putting on a pretty dress is just the thing. i do agree with the first commenter that when we're ready for love, it will find us. at least i hope so.
I am 23 years old and in the same boat as you. I live in the south, so, as you can imagine, everyone my age that I know is married and having babies. School was my priority instead of marriage, and now I feel as if I am paying for it. I would not change a thing, though!
You know what? Dont worry about being picky. So many people are in bad marriages/relationships because they were not picky enough. I had a breakdown about a year ago, and my parents shook their heads and told me, "Dont you realize that your married friends wish they were you?" Its still a hard place to be, though. I feel as if I could have written your last paragraph. I have asked myself the same things! (Am I too shy? Picky? Bad timing?) I blame it on my small town not having enough suitable men. Sometimes I dream of moving to a larger place and finding someone....
I guess we just have to believe that our guys are out there, somewhere. As frustrating as it may be. Patience, patience. You are not alone, and your posts help me! Can we have a frustrated single ladies club?
I've got the shy thing covered. Let me know how the strapless dress thing goes...
the good thing is, you'd look damn elegant in a strapless dress. man or no man, i say yes! and can we have tea this weekend? i'm just back from my parents house and terribly homesick and it just seems we ought to stick together on this one.
you probably just haven't found the right person to date.
haha my mom does things like that to me all the time in relation to dating, so i know how it feels. i figure, i'm tying and it will happen when it happens!
Wow. That pretty much sums up my love life at the moment, or lack there of. Thank you for helping me to see that I'm not as off my knocker as everyone seems to think I am. Thank you for helping me realize that some things just have to happen the way they were meant to happen to begin with.
Meh. Join the club. I've never dated anyone seriously either. And I'm 32. I've been told I'm too picky, but I reject that theory. After all, that would require guys to actually ask me out. Maybe I'm too shy? Could be, although I know shyer girls who get asked out. Personally, I just think it's not my time yet. When it is, it'll happen. No worries. I really don't think it's something you can plan.
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