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12.02.2010

a strange, rambling sort of post...

i hate the A train. let it be known: i HATE the A train.

(and i was in a terrible mood today).

uniquely enough the terrible mood had nothing to do with the A train.  i say uniquely because usually the two are connected. {and yes, i just placed uniquely where a strangely normally lives--what can i say, i'm trying it out}).

i haven't always hated the A train.

though, to be fair, i should have seen this coming.

when i moved to new york (at the wee age of eighteen) i dated a guy who lived just off the A.

turns out i didn't really like the guy. really not after he gave me a key to his apartment (did i mention i was eighteen?). call me old-fashioned but i think the giving of the key is kind of a thing. a big thing.

i promptly broke up with him in a diner on the upper west side. i remember walking out. the weather was suddenly cooler, lovely. oh, pathetic fallacy! (yes, i just said pathetic fallacy. if you must know i adore that term and have been trying to get it onto this blogspot-lover-of-mine for ages).

and then of course there was that time on the A when at the ripe old age of nineteen the guy i was falling deeply and desperately in love with told me his girlfriend (i know) was moving in with him. or moving to new york for him. bad either way.

heartbreaking, actually.

this all was followed by a man who couldn't be bothered to get on the A train to pay me a visit. actually, that's not quite true. but that's what it felt like.

(god i hope none of the guys ever stumbles across this).

no, really, God that's a prayer i'm offering up to you right now.

the point is this: i hate the A train.

i hate that in the early mornings it more a shuffle-step-dance than train ride. i hate that it sits at 168th for far too long and crawls past 135th. i find it offensive that it calls itself express when the local gets from point a to point b in the same amount of time, all the while making far.more.frequent.stop.s. (don't believe me? try. i've converted more than my fair share of non-believers).

i've been thinking lately that, given my druthers, i might never ride the A again.

you see, for me, the long subway ride is symbol of my struggling life. taking a little too long, to get not so far.

but alas, the A is the train closest to home.

and so i remind myself that this phase of my life shall pass. and soon enough.

this struggle (to be replaced by another, i'm sure), this subway line, this apartment, in this corner of manhattan, this job, and that job, and that guy, and this frustration--it all passes.

all of it--including my bad mood or the feeling that i'm not good enough or thin enough or strong enough.

it is a seamless quilt moving flawlessly across this loom of a life. the colors and mistakes and unexpected strands provide depth, dimension, even a little...dare i say...flare.

and you know how i know? because my bad mood passed tonight.

it passed just as Sting sat down in front of me in the movie theatre. yes, that Sting. let it be known that i believe him to be one of the sexiest men alive. (all that yoga or something). though, when i told my dad he kinda scoffed and said, so what? all that means is he sat in front of you in a theatre. 


but i saw it for what it was: a sign. that if i keep showing up, day after day, then given enough time, good things will come.

you see, Sting is my sign. his sighting--my little gift from the universe.

after all, wouldn't mind running into him on the A train.

oh God, please don't let this pop up in Sting's google alerts. 

32 comments:

Camilla Leila said...

please.
please.
please.
write a book of these short stories.
they give me serious champagne bubbles.

for now said...

okay I have been a reader for about a year and this is, sincerely, my favorite post I have ever read! Thank you for writing it and for not loosing (but feeding and growing) your unique voice.

xo.

dull boy said...

it's a great feeling when you are not in a bad mood any more, especially if the realisation is sudden.

(....so is dune worth seeing???)

communikate. said...

dude. seeing sting is kind of a big deal, and a say it's a good sign.

Brittan said...

In the last year I've moved out of my beautiful Chelsea apartment with my son and now live farther out in Brooklyn than I'd care to say with two roommates. It's 45 minutes to school and work, including the B/D, at least one transfer, 6 big flights of stairs each way on a good day and lovely "incidents" like the homeless man who peed all over the car I was on the other day. The love of my life followed me here only to break up with me just after I moved in with him. He goes to my school now, works at the job I had to quit, lingers all over Manhattan in my memories. It's that time of year, as you well know, when the days get darker and colder and it feels like winter will never end.

Meg, it's hard. It's hard just living here, much less doing it as boldly as you have in your time here. The fact that you have made it this long on your own, endured the daily physical and emotional struggles, made it through all that you have and still provide these beautiful, inspiring, funny, lovely blog posts... really says something about how strong you are. You are lovely. Don't ever think otherwise. All of these experiences will prepare you for the life you'll have as a wife and mother, in your career, in all of your adventures. I feel like if you can make it here you can make it anywhere, and you've survived the hardest part of your 20s here. There will always be struggles but I get this feeling - a hunch maybe - that this phase you're in really will pass soon.

Also, Sting is the *epitome* of sex. So jealous.

mrsmonje said...

I love the way you write, seriously I admire it so much and I wish words would flow better for me. Anyway, Ive never been to new york so have no clue how trains and such work but if I ever go there, I will not ride the A train

...like a rolling stone. said...

meg! my word!
first, WHAT MOVIE were you seeing?!
two, completely agree about the attractiveness of sting.
three, dude, i RELATE to life feeling like the A train.
four, i appreciated that (i know) aside after the "told me his girlfriend" because that's exactly what i would have been said in a conversation.

loved this post.
xo.

kara lynn said...

i adore sting, and him in the police.

i don't think i would have seen much of the movie if he was in front of me. ha.

sending christmas love and cheer!

Jenni Austria Germany said...

this is pretty funny. and in a weird way, makes me really wanna live in new york...

Claire Kiefer said...

STING! That is amazing. How on earth did you focus on the movie? I'm afraid I would have been analyzing his every move (and desperately hoping he'd take out his cell phone and that I could read some fascinating text over his shoulder!). You're not kidding about that being a sign!

Ariel said...

i love sting too. my mom played his cds on repeat when i was a kid so much so i know all the words as if i was born with the knowledge engrained in my brain.

its funny you mention your routes in accordance to ex-boyfriends because i was just sharing a similar thought the other day while stopped at a red light. there are certain streets and turns that i used to make all the time. constantly. almost non stop. and freeways i used to take habitually, just to reach a boy. nowadays its a different route but if i find myself on an old path, its plagued by memories - good and bad.

and finally: i love this post. it made me laugh.

becky said...

I like the positivity that ends this post; the reassurance; the sense of it being okay. You're always very good at that.

I had a bad day, too. But it wasn't Sting that remedied it - it was a vintage suitcase (yellow, blue and white striped lining) that I could for a mere twenty British quid. It was a good day, after that.

jackiek said...

i'm in love with this post! it's so beautiful and ends in such a way that reminds me that all bad days come to an end. xo

Miss Wendy said...

Sting! Really, if that's not a sign that awesomeness is slowly but surely entering your life, then I don't know what is.

I think I want to be you when, or if, I ever grow up. You are amazing.

annie said...

"that if i keep showing up, day after day, then given enough time, good things will come." this post was so quirky and beautiful and true. here's to showing up (because sting is well worth the effort!).

Roxy Te said...

I agree with Camilla. Please, please write a book! I adore your writing! I always took the A train from JFK to my dorm on William street, it never really did me wrong, but there are those trains that conjure up unwanted memories here and there!

Roxy Te said...

p.s. Just googled pathetic fallacy because honestly that one was over my head hahah Nice...a new fave among words! Thanks for imparting your knowledge on the less intellectual ;)

Jessica said...

As is so often the case, your post made my day! I too have an insane crush on Sting, and I am just giddy that you sat behind him in a movie theater! That would most decidedly brighten anyone's day.

AbbieBabble said...

Seriously. This post. I love it. Like always, but this one, especially, is perfect.

In other news, your new header makes me want to break out the watercolors.

D&D said...

this made me laugh so hard!
i remember having a REALLY bad week and then out of nowhere, i walked by Aidan Quinn (he was my first love by way of Little Women) on Madison Ave and his big blue eyes looked right at me and smiled.
it seriously made me month/year!

Mackenzie said...

just going to chime in on two things:

i'd totally put on the red light for sting. not even going to lie. he's a FOX!

AND TWO, this is stunning. i wish you were my subconscious and could make my thought process as stunning as yours is :)

love love love it!

Ana* said...

Love-love-love this and relate as well. Not with train A, but with the road I have to take to school. Yes, it evokes memories but just like you, I have concluded these memories shall pass and becoming memories, nothing else than that.

You have a great way with words my dear!

Emily said...

Your writing is absolutely beautiful. This post was exactly what I needed to hear (or read, rather) today.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Melissa Bee said...

I agree with Camilla, you should definitely consider writing a book with short stories or a novel. There are so many women out there who feel like you/we do and don't have the gift you have to express yourself in words or the charisma!

Maybe like an "Eat, Pray, Love" for the mid/late-20s but with a touch of Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar" (the poetic and psychological part though!).

Jay said...

I'm so with you on that Sting thing!! Sexyness personified ;) Best wishes from Norway

Metch said...

I love "uniquely enough." I love "pathetic fallacy." I also believe in signs!

jessica renae said...

thanks for this post. i've been feeling this way quite a bit lately - avoiding this street and that for similar reasons, feeling never thin enough. i needed to remember that all trials pass and sooner or later i'll have a new one. this reminded me today. thank you for being the reminder! :)

heather said...

there is something so unique and beautiful about the way that you write. it's so relatable & constantly has me coming back for more. i love it! :)

Shorty said...

LOL You are soooo funny. I haven't been following your blog long, but so far you seem a beautiful person with a fascinating personality. You will be okay. :)

PS... I will fall over laughing if I hear about Sting's Google alert in the news.

Sara said...

I hope that with a little help from Sting, you and Duke Ellington are able to work it out.

Hazel said...

I love your posts!

this too shall pass... something I need to remember too

Thank you x

Hazel said...

I enjoyed this post so I have mentioned it on my blog. Hope you don't mind...