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11.15.2010

stopping for a thought

it would have made more sense had it snuck up on me. had it been a slow, gradual kind of thing--approaching from a distance with blinking lights and low whistles.

but alas.

i was in the middle of the restaurant, navigating between tables and people and moving trays on the busiest night of the week when it happened. i stopped. i just stopped, planted my feet and puased.

and there amidst the swarming and moving, time reached elastically around me and i thought, my god, what am i doing?

it was such a simple thought. so clear and emotionless. it was as factual as a thought can be. a fraught-less though, if you will.

and there, paused in the middle of the restaurant in my own sphere of space and time, i thought enough. enough of this.

i have set up my life in such a way as to pursue that which i love. and yet the pursuit has stalled. for fear.

fear. oh, fear.

fear and i are well acquainted. bosom buddies, you might say.

it's just... well, the thing is... fear no longer seems a strong enough deterrent.

because that which i love may not always be clear. and it may not always be easy. but it certainly isn't sashaying to tables in a short black dress hoping that the men don't look too long in the wrong direction.

and so the thought simply was.

(almost as if it had been there all along, just waiting for me to catch up.)

20 comments:

Cas said...

Yes.
Get out there.
And act.

http://wellhellotherelover.blogspot.com

katherine h. said...

kol hakavod, meg! you were meant for the stage, as the decemberists sing.

A Sunday Kind Of Love said...

go meg!!! love love LOVE this, as i do all your posts :)

Brittan said...

*high five*

be brave!

Ruth said...

Yes. Exactly. I just wrote two posts, one about fear and one about stepping out of my comfort zone.

I think I'd like to drop the former and embrace the latter, too.

christine said...

Go Meg! Happiness takes so much courage. You can do this.

Kelly said...

you have such a beautiful way with words! hang in there, you'll figure it all out. go for it!

Libby said...

I feel you on this and understand so very clearly.

Miss Wendy said...

Again, such an amazing post. You are meant for great things Meg, I can feel it.

Louise said...

Your post really struck a chord, especially "fear and i are well acquainted. bosom buddies, you might say". I keep finding myself stalled by fear - I guess the best thing is to keep on fighting it and to hope that, one day, we can push right past it!

Roxy Te said...

I'm really over our friendship- fear and I. And I'm even more over the frequent visit of "What am I doing with my life?" I'd really love for "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams" to make more of an appearance.

Ms. Megan said...

Let your dreams take flight!!!!
xo

Elizabeth said...

Love, love, love this post. My heart says, hooray for you! Because it's not about waitressing or not waitressing.... it's about following you heart and chasing your dreams.

Holly Bierly Young said...

So, I've come to the conclusion that the fact that you stopped by my lil' blog the other day is pretty much the equivalent of Ronald Reagan visiting Jack Donaghy. I was pretty starstruck because honestly Meg? Well, you and your blog are a pretty big deal. ;)

dull boy said...

cripes...that's heavy stuff....what happened to just choosing between sweet & savory???

becky said...

I love moments like these. Moments of absolute clarity at unsuspecting times. Thankyou for sharing :)

Jessica said...

Brava, brava, brava! That sort of realization was precisely what moved me out of my hometown not-so-long-ago, and you've already made much greater strides than that! I just know you'll accomplish doing what your heart wants to do, and be incredible at it.

Celeste said...

<3

Carmella said...

i'm in this boat.
exactly.

Suzy said...

Meg,
You CAN do it! You can and you will! And, like Holly above, I was also star-struck when you commented on my blog the other day--my 2-views-a-day-blog, which only my sister reads (bless her heart). This star-struck thing--you are already a star to your readers! You can SOOOO do this! You already have fans and strangers who care, who think you are neat and want to see you go out there and do it!