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returning. coming home.

the city in autumn is equal parts explosion and bouquet.

it is profusion of light.

it is the soft, gray glow of saturday evenings. autumn creeping in. playing a taunting, haunting game of hide-and-seek.

it is the young jewish boys. celebrating the high holiday. dressed in fine, black suits, slightly too big. each one holding the door open for an elder. an act of reverence and honor. of youth bowing before tradition and history and all that is to come.

it is the ichabod-crane-like-trees buttressing the north side of the museum of natural history. tall and thin. bare, white trunks. high, reaching arms. silent screams to the sky.

it is the grid of streets. crossword puzzles for the feet.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

i fell in love with the city my first night back.

i saw it for its parts. and its whole. i saw it with the expanse of my back. and i saw with the crook of my elbow. i saw it with my feet and my fingers and my nose and the strands of hair just around my face.

i felt the city. and there on the blackened streets, beneath the thinning trees i offered thanks for both the odyssey and the return home.


Anonymous said...

Oh how I adore your writing.

I came and saw you perform in Utah.

I sat near you in the audience. And I was even called upon with the love of my life - to kiss together - at the part where friar talks about gunpowder and fire... ohh that kiss.

But I couldn't bring myself to introduce myself to you

Because of My NED - and how awfully fat I felt. And how fat I thought you'd think I was.

Now I'm kicking myself for it.

Welcome back to NYC

saltbox girl said...

Thank you for your words. Pure prose. Welcome home.

wilybrunette said...

dear anon,

it means so much that you came. it means so much that you left this comment. and oh, how i understand. so please, don't kick yourself for it. we'll meet again, i'm sure of it. my little Ned came back in full force in Utah and before the production even opened i wanted to leave, because i didn't want people watching the show to see me looking fat. so there you have it. we'll get past it. i know we will.

Thao said...

You're such an eloquent writer. So glad you're back in your city, dear girl!

Camilla Leila said...

this is so beautiful. oh it makes me so excited to come see it again.

such lovely words, miss fee.

tanuki said...

every time you talk about new york, it reminds me of a home i've lost. :( but i'll just channel it into incentive to come for a visit! ...budget permitting

delaney maloney said...

the city sounds magical! <3

Jay said...

Welcome home sweetheart!! I hope I get to visit this city of yours in the near future sometime =)

Cas said...

So, you're back in the city!
Please take a moment to go to Little Italy and eat at Da Nico's.
I have no idea if this is the sort of Italian restaurant a person should be proud to be seen at.
All I know is.
I found myself there weekly, when I lived near the city.
And the owner would come to my table and chat and sing and bring me a latte and these delicious little beignets for dessert.
And to me, that was perfection.
Such a boost when I craved a little happiness.


Cas said...

A couple of my favorites were Starring the Baby-sitters Club (Baby-Sitters Club Super Special # 9) and New York, New York! (Baby-Sitters Club Super Special, No. 6)...
I have a feeling those are some of your favorites, too!


Anonymous said...

"I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

Rainer Maria Rilke

Laura C said...

I am so excited to see New York for the first time next week!
Especially in Autumn.
I might just have to buy myself a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils (hope you catch that reference).

Glad you're enjoying being back in the city!

Brittan said...

welcome back!

i'm reminded of one of my favorite lines from a song "the city loves you, it gives you oxygen and a little space to be filled with all the heavy things you make"

it's on my blog because it was my anthem when i moved here. the song is tables turn by decibully and it's beautiful.