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2.28.2010

the end.


she couldn't breathe.

it was as though the city was crumbling in on her.

it was on the subway when she first noticed it: the slow, inching end of her love-affair with new york. she had ceased to find any charm in the thousand little eccentricities around her.

she could no longer bear the plaintive cries of taxi horns or the cloying sense of loneliness in crowded elevators.

so she began to pull out detailed maps of the continental US. she traced the orange interstate lines back and forth, up and down, planning her escape. her fingers running over the rocky mountains, the great lakes, along the continental divide divining for answers, groping for meaning. the questions always, where to go?

she dreamt of closing her eyes, moving her hand along the folded ridges until she felt the need to stop. and that stop would be the beginning. the next move. the migratory edict.

but she lacked the courage to close her eyes.

and without an answer she was forced to stay.

16 comments:

Suzanna S said...

I like this.

Claire Landau said...

This is beautiful. I know that feeling all to well. I went to school in new york. I remember senior year when everyone was finding apartments and securing jobs and, while it would have been so easy to stay, I knew I had to make myself go.

Emily said...

Stunning writing! I know that feeling. I am country girl at heart and sometimes city life is too much! It seems to force itself on me in a violent way and all I want is the solace and quiet of a natural setting. Luckily, these feelings of urban claustrophobia do pass! xo

Mary said...

i love this... you are such an amazing writer!

P. Ghoshal said...

love this.
I don't live in New York (maybe later?) but I know how it is to just want to leave, to get away, to find a new home thats only yours, but you can't because its not practical. le sigh.

Fairfield said...

meg fee. you are too young to be tied down. don't feel guilty and let the road take you where it will.

Fairfield said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kate. said...

write a book. now.

olivia rae said...

i second kate. i love your writing - it ALWAYS inspires. xox

Marisa said...

WOW... I can feel every moment of this from the first sentence and oh how i relate xoxo

Taylor Norris said...

can i make a case for chicago? you've got the courage, i know it- who is lying to you and saying you don't?

Brittan said...

if she goes, can she take me with her?

oh! you should know that i am an intern at moma this semester and can get up to six guests into the museum or any moma event/screening for free... also can get a couple tickets to any museum in the city. if you're ever in need of free culture, shoot me an email. brittanclaire@gmail.com.

*Lesli* said...

<3 love this.

Brittany said...

i'm just going to agree with the others. please write a book. puhleese.

inspirationnecessary said...

Manhattan Beach, California.

Trust me.

Named after Manhattan, NY. But so not Manhattan, NY.

defining amy said...

this describes exactly how i feel today. it's overwhelming most of the time. i have a balcony that overlooks the rocky mountains. i have cows for neighbors. i dream of big cities and crowded subways. i never wanted to feel tied down, single. you have a place to stay, if you ever want to adventure out west.