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11.16.2009

metanoia.




i believe it was during game two of the alcs championship--you know that five hour, ten minute game?--that my metanoia occurred (how's that for a word?).

i was sitting there watching the game, anxiety plinking (is that a word? oh well, is now) away at my oh-so-many-emotions, when i thought, hold up, stop. the story is already written. the answer has been told. if my boys are meant to win, they will win. no need to worry or stress, just sit back and enjoy the game. feel the experience.

the story is written.

already.

but that doesn't mean my boys got to ease up. they had to fight for the win--fight for their lives--every step of the way.

and win they did.

i've been thinking about this a lot lately. how somewhere out there i'm living a life that's already known. the answers are just in front of me, waiting. no need to worry, just enjoy the experience. but fight, fight through every step, scuffle, double-play.

the thing is... in baseball the answer is simple: score more runs than the other team and you will win. but how does one win in life--what exactly is one fighting for? and because the answer is ambiguous at best, it's hard to tell if you're attempting to re-write the story or just fighting for your life with more resilience and courage than you ever knew possible.

it's mucky. tricky. no clear lines.


12 comments:

Krissa said...

I agree completely! The story is written...Im just following it...not knowing where it is leading me...but following it and fighting my fight nonetheless...Its not always easy...But I do think that in the end it is definitely worth it.

iheartkiwi said...

that's life for you my dear... i'm just trying to hang on and enjoy the ride.

ChloƩ said...

i love this post. i totally agree with you! this was so beautifully written.

laura marie said...

you should totally read "journey of the soul" by michael newton... i'm not sure i believe absolutely everything in it but i swear it will inspire you and scratch at your brain and touch your heart in all these ways so that you can never think about life or destiny the same way again. promise :)

beatrice said...

i worry that by letting myself focus on the unclear lines i may sometimes lose sight of the clear lines... or even what the lines were to begin with.

but what would life be without meaning, and what would meaning be if there were no predestined future, or fate?

it's all so gloriously entangled that all one is left to do is breathe and find your heart and love what is beautiful... run downhill with the wind in your ears.

(i love that you love baseball too)

Sara said...

God help me, I do love baseball. How do you feel about the movie Bull Durham? You either love it or hate it and I LOVE IT.

e. del mar said...

tricky is a perfect word. thank you.

Marisa said...

but can we re-write the story? is it all set in stone.
sometimes i wonder if now matter what choices i make, will the final outcome be the same?...

what a great analogy...

Erin said...

I like this a lot. "It is written" is one of my personal mantras.

Hanako66 said...

no, we never know. but this is life!

JKreids said...

'hold up, stop. the story is already written. the answer has been told.'

This could apply to so much. When I'm in the grips of fear/insecurity, I want to remember that I've already received the answer time and time again. I've been through this before. I should instinctively know the outcome: I stress and worry for NAUGHT. I work myself into a tizzy over things I cannot control and the result is always the same. I win or I lose but after the dust settles, I wonder why I have worried so much! I vow to never do it again, but always do. "The story has already been written. The answer has already been told." I know I cannot control that which I cannot control and need to stop fighting! The answer is always the same - it comes in different forms, but it always COMES. That is at least contstant. There will be resolution, like it or not, and I can't control it.

Release!

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

What if the story hasn't been written? I find this thought sooo much more appealing than predetermination. We were born into this set of cirumstances with our genes, our upbringing, and thousands of lives' previous experience to add to. We live this life to pave a path of our own making... But then again, if I was born with the exact same genes and the exact same upbringing as Hitler, how can I vouche that I'd be any different. You're posts definitely inspire deeper thoughts. THANKS.