who i am. today.

i love coffee. i love the smell. desperately, i love it. 

i like waking up early in the morning. when the world is new all over again.

and i take cabs way more often than i should.

i'm constantly losing things--my patience included.

i don't know how to flirt. well, not with anyone i actually like. 

and i do not want to date an actor. because i know that it's hard, i don't need to talk about it. or hear about it. or smile, sympathetically. 

i've yet to turn in my taxes to my father. instead i stress about it. it's july. taxes are due in april. correction, were due. by the time i hand them over, i'm going have to begin again, for this year.

i still don't know how to cook. 

and i still panic about opening my checking account.

i fantasize about going to graduate school. and fulfilling the college experience (or some version of it). but i have yet to buy the gre study guide from the bookstore. 

i fantasize about anonymity in a city where familiar faces are a regular attraction, but friends are harder to come by.

i complain. much too often. i think it's my standby. if i'm uncomfortable, or there's a lull in the conversation--i'll start to complain. note to self: change this. immediately.

more often than not i'll sleep with the covers pulled all the way up--covering my head completely. i think it makes me feel safe. 

i've given up soda. turns out all that fake sugar really is bad for you. 

now i drink seltzer water. with lemon. 

and i'm falling in love with soy ice cream. 

and challah bread. yes, this good catholic girl loves challah bread. it reminds me of potato rolls. remember those? 

i can't seem to keep my room clean. or throw anything away. 

i panic about little things. like flirting (see above). 

and i can't keep my mouth shut. or play pretend when i need to.

but the flowers outside my window are in full bloom and i'm feeling closer to them than i have in a very, very long time.