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7.06.2009

who i am. today.




i love coffee. i love the smell. desperately, i love it. 
i like waking up early in the morning. when the world is new all over again.
and i take cabs way more often than i should.
i'm constantly losing things--my patience included.
i don't know how to flirt. well, not with anyone i actually like. 
and i do not want to date an actor. because i know that it's hard, i don't need to talk about it. or hear about it. or smile, sympathetically
i've yet to turn in my taxes to my father. instead i stress about it. it's july. taxes are due in april. correction, were due. by the time i hand them over, i'm going have to begin again, for this year.
i still don't know how to cook. 
and i still panic about opening my checking account.
i fantasize about going to graduate school. and fulfilling the college experience (or some version of it). but i have yet to buy the gre study guide from the bookstore. 
i fantasize about anonymity in a city where familiar faces are a regular attraction, but friends are harder to come by.
i complain. much too often. i think it's my standby. if i'm uncomfortable, or there's a lull in the conversation--i'll start to complain. note to self: change this. immediately.
more often than not i'll sleep with the covers pulled all the way up--covering my head completely. i think it makes me feel safe. 
i've given up soda. turns out all that fake sugar really is bad for you. 
now i drink seltzer water. with lemon. 
and i'm falling in love with soy ice cream. 
and challah bread. yes, this good catholic girl loves challah bread. it reminds me of potato rolls. remember those? 
i can't seem to keep my room clean. or throw anything away. 
i panic about little things. like flirting (see above). 
and i can't keep my mouth shut. or play pretend when i need to.
but the flowers outside my window are in full bloom and i'm feeling closer to them than i have in a very, very long time.

21 comments:

Hanako66 said...

we have just started drinking soda water with lemon as well! (I still sneak a 100 calorie coke in the morning...shhhhhh)

and I love your writing, but you know that:)

Morgan said...

Love this. Beautifully written.

Ali said...

Challah IS the best, no matter what religion you are. :)

Ivy Morgan said...

love this post, and it ends perfectly with your bit about flowers :)

Elizabeth Marie said...

I sleep that way too. It makes me feel safe.

So all those fake sugars are bad huh? damn it. :)

Fashionably Kate said...

Damn.. I love my diet coke. I heard someone refer to it as Diet Crack the other.

I sadly agree.

As I read this I found my self agreeing with many of these things too.

complaining in the lull of conversation.. check.
flirting check [it's amazing I ever managed to date my husband.]
loosing things.. totally. especially my mind and patience.

i like these posts. it feels as if you're a friend in a coffee shop having a conversation with us all.

orsoifeel said...

"and i can't keep my mouth shut. or play pretend when i need to."

so true so true... my mom always says "Marisa, you do not have an unexpressed thought."

sometimes it causes trouble.
thx Meg
great post

sheila said...

i liked that post.
I don't even know what challah bread is. Is that lame?I'll look it up.
and i feel the same way on most of those things.
college,
complaining,
soda
sleeping with the sheets over my head
yes, yes and yes...

m. estelle said...

your honesty is inspiring, meg.
this blog is currently my summer read...

xoxo
e

Kristen Sara said...

All around amazing post... love your blog!

Jessica said...

don't fret
i just sent in my taxes
YESTERDAY!

Thao said...

You are wonderful! (I agree about not wanting to date an actor and the coffee and the cabs and the challah bread.)

Micaela said...

"i like waking up early in the morning. when the world is new all over again."

meg you've managed to change my minds about mornings :) loved that line.

"i fantasize about anonymity in a city where familiar faces are a regular attraction, but friends are harder to come by."- What a stunning line.

ps. i could teach you how to flirt ;)
but someone would need to teach us how to cook.

RatalieNose said...

Hey! My dad does my taxes too!! Or at least he would if I had to pay them....

Stephanie Belen said...

"i don't know how to flirt. well, not with anyone i actually like."
"i still don't know how to cook."
"i can't seem to keep my room clean. or throw anything away.
i panic about little things. like flirting."

although these may not be happy things for you, me, or anyone, in a way i'm glad someone else feels the same way i do. i don't feel as lonely.

"and i still panic about opening my checking account." -- i hate touching my credit card. i only use it on textbooks.

brown eyed girl said...

Oh, Meg.

You never fail to both inspire me, and remind me how to feel comfortable in my own skin.

Thanks for that.

Kelsey said...

I love this. I know how to flirt...except when it's the guy I like. What's with that?

CC. said...

i cant keep my mouth shut either! i think its cause my lips are too huge and explains why im always so thirsty

RayRay said...

I hear you on the GRE thing... That is why I checked out "GRE for Dummies" at the library and forced myself to take the text 3 weeks later. After you pay the $150 to register for the test, it really helps (ok sort of helps) you study.

Nicole said...

Haha! I still cover up my head with the covers when I feel vulnerable too! Like my comforter is going to save me.

Diana said...

eeek, i am trying not to be a pack rat but it's tough!