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5.25.2009

who am i? (a detailed overview).


aboutme


Okay.

So.

You've been reading this blog for some time now (or you're brand new) and you're wondering who this nutty gal is that refers to herself as the brunette bombshell.

First of all, let's be clear..I refer to myself as a brunette bombshell and boy-oh-boy does that little thing referred to as an "article" by the grammar gods (I looked it up) make all the difference. In truth, the title should probably be the wild and wily ways of a sometime brunette bombshell because most days I am anything but...but that's the brilliance of creative license--you get to twist the truth.

My name is Meg and I'm twenty-three. (now twenty-five, euf)

Actually, my full name is Meghan, but in the fourth grade when we moved back to Houston (from Dallas) I requested that I be called by the shortened version. My family pronounces my name May-gn so even the nickname comes out May-g (which I prefer to Meg {with the e-sound you'd find in the word let}). I was born and raised in Houston, Texas. Three things distinguish me as a Texan: 1. a undeniable love of Mexican food, 2. the desire to have all beef cooked to the sublime medium-rare (okay, well, i'm a vegetarian now, but when i ate meat, medium rare was the only way to go); and 3. a strange pride in scrapes and bruises (battle wounds). I never ever thought I'd miss Texas, but like it or not it's home. And parts of it I'd give my left arm to have where I am now. Bluebell ice cream. The luxury of a driveway in which to wash your car. A car, in fact. Supermarkets with aisles that go on for days. Luckily, my parents still reside there so I get to return every once in a while.

My parents are both originally from New York--my dad from the Bronx and my mother from a small town upstate that is completely on an Indian Reservation. I have one brother who is four years older than me and in some ways my complete opposite. He's much smarter and gregarious in a way that I'll never be. But he's the engineer and I'm the actor (go figure).

Where am I now? Well, New York City of course. I've lived here for five (almost seven) years now (deep sigh, I can't believe it's been that long). Four of those years were spent at college. One year ago I graduated from Juilliard with a Bachelor of Fine Arts from its actor training program.


I spent my childhood dedicated to three things: 1. sports 2. the pursuit of make-believe and 3. reading as much as I could. My love of acting was a product of the latter two endeavors. And when in sixth grade I met a teacher who seemed to think I had potential--well that was it, some sort of path erupted before me. I spent middle school engaged in speech and debate (a very specific sort of acting competition), which then led me to the academic high school with a strong acting department. When I applied to college (14 of them--most basic liberal arts schools) Juilliard was always the unattainable pipe-dream. I never said the name of the school aloud, nor did I allow anyone else to. I auditioned for the school in Chicago and knew immediately that something felt right. And so I allowed myself to dream. To dream of a life in acting school. To dream of a life in New York City. To dream of what I had never dared imagine. And when the news came two weeks later that I'd been accepted, I was over the moon--so over the moon that no other offer of acceptance from any one of the myriad of colleges and universities could pry me from my now fixed point, Juilliard. And you know what the really ironic thing is...I visited Juilliard after my acceptance and I didn't like the school. It didn't feel right as it had in the audition. I don't know that I've ever told my parents this. But I do know my father describes this day as one of the worst of his life--the day he realized I was leaving. I think perhaps we all sensed that there was something not quite right--(and let me be very clear that this was my experience) not quite right for me. But hindsight is twenty-twenty.

While at Juilliard I developed my nasty, little eating disorder (heretofore known as Ned). So I can't really evaluate my time at school because it was all experienced through the perspective of this ghastly creature which began to destroy everything that made me me. All I can say is that the school (as I'm sure most performing arts schools are) was a hotbed for eating disorders and my graduation was not a joyous experience--it was the inevitable jump from a sinking ship.

That being said Juilliard gave me innumerable tools to excel technically as an actor--necessary tools. And now in this year after school, when I am for the first time putting my health before all else, I am gaining the life--and the life skills--that I believe will make me a better actor (and more importantly, a better person) than I ever dared hope.

I am a hostess. A sometimes salesperson. A once-a-week-nanny. Hell, I'm actually a blogger. And I like the idea that I might just be a writer. I am everything but what I went to school for. And right now I'm okay with that. Because I know that--well, that won't always be the case.

This is the year I am failing. For the first time in my life. I am failing brilliantly and freely and nothing has ever been so exciting.

This blog is my account of my failures. My successes. A celebration of the little things. It is a love letter to myself as I heal--as I put myself back together. It is a love letter to the family I dream of having. This is my memory book for the future.



(post-edit changes marked in bold)

57 comments:

Belen said...

"This is the year I am failing. For the first time in my life. I am failing brilliantly and freely and nothing has ever been so exciting."

YES. Yes yes, a milltion times yes. I feel there too.

Fashionably Kate said...

I loved it all... keep it come Miss Meg! ;)

Jayne said...

Fail brilliantly, succeed brilliantly. One always comes after the other. :-)

Ashley said...

This is my favorite entry of yours. Thank you for sharing your stories. It is comforting to know that others are feeling the things that i am feeling...
You write so beautifully too... inspiring, really.

Tina Tarnoff said...

I admire your openness, ability and willingness to share. I crave that so much but am unable to do the same. yet.

sheila said...

I've always liked the quote, (and I don't know who said it) The only real failure in life is the failure to try. And just think if you wouldn't have done all that.... where would you be now?
Anyways, you are a great writer. So keep it up. Can't wait for part 2

...love Maegan said...

....heheh ...I prefer MAYgan {as it's spelled Mae} ...but most people say MEHgan ...or even MEEgan . .. .exact. opposit. funny. :)



{I think you're growing ....I love the way that feels}

beautiful post

Belle said...

You are wonderful darling!!
(I still pursue of make-believe!)
and I really love mexican food and my meat medium-rare.

Thanks for your well wishes!!! I am so relieved we finally have it!!
And I'm glad you saw the award, I just wanted you to know I adore your blog :)

Have a lovely day darling xxx

kate. said...

so first of all.. thank you for your comment on my blog. i was so excited to realize that you have been over my way. man, im just about famous at this point now that meg fee has left me a comment. :)

and, i think your "failing" is so inspiring. most people either aren't smart enough, don't love themselves enough, or aren't brave enough to do what you are doing. and no one has it all together. you are brilliant.

Anonymous said...

How lovely. And brave. Find strength in your own voice.

Signorina Svizzera said...

beautiful post! I'm sure we have all spent some time failing, or are currently doing so :)
keep writing, we love it!

Mariah said...

This is so beautiful Meg, and it gives me the hope that next year, when I graduate from Uni, it will be okay-- the world will still turn and life will go on-- if I don't end up exactly where I thought I'd end up...

Micaela said...

YOU ARE A WRITER!!!
i love how you write. i'm jealous of how you write.

i love your openess.
gorgeous, as you are!

Rosalina said...

I love your blog; your life is so interesting!

And amazing post, btw.

Wisdom + Understanding said...

I love the sound of 'May-g' :)

You are not failing, you are living. We all are. Just think in what you may find to be your struggles/failures...other people are finding unspeakable joy and encouragement.

And smiles... you definitely make me smile :)

Your honesty is very beautiful. As is your soul!

RatalieNose said...

I love that I get to go along for the ride!

jess said...

I think you are very brave!!

Ivy Morgan said...

great post! you are a great writer, and I admire you for all you've been through

Hanako66 said...

Brilliant Meg. As if I didn't love you enough before....now you go ahead and write this entry. I am so happy that you are in a better place now and feel priviledged to read your beautiful words.

Ria said...

you are a wonderful writer.
btw, I live in Tejas too! (Austin)
blogs are such great scrapbooks.

And I love when people write 'love letters to themselves'.

iheartkiwi said...

love. love. love, getting to know you.

can't wait for part II

Diana said...

if you ever visit orange county, i will cook you some mean traditional mexican food!

even if at the times you are not feeling it, you are still a bombshell to us!

Valerie said...

i think once we start to fail, we start to get it right! even if it is a little scaries. xoxoxo*

Valerie said...

PS. i think i have a LOT of failing coming up.

Marisa said...

I happened upon your blog through rockstars and love your writing and raw honesty....

On another note... we must be kindred spirits as my blog is orsoifeel.wordpress... Very strange.

xoxo

thewanderingmuse said...

I'm finishing up my first year of "failure" too. Isn't funny how we become more proud of our failures than of our successes?

Krissa said...

I love this.
I am falling too...in so doing I hope to develop me more...find out who I am and who I want to be. I am looking forward to this falling thats what it truly is. going into this unknown to come out on the other side changed for the better. I will see you there!

Love ya girl! and absolutely adore your blog!

Liza said...

I saw a link to your blog from Taza over at Rockstar Diaries, and have to say I love it. You're ability to express things is incredible. Thank you!

Kelsey said...

I love it all! I will now pronounce your name Mayg. I like that. Thanks for sharing it all :)

kathleen said...

I love that you're "failing brilliantly." That's beautiful.

Mary Grace said...

You just inspired me to embrace failure. Thank you.

Mary Grace said...

You just inspired me to embrace failure. Thank you.

CaraBella said...

Love what you've written + how well you've conveyed just everything (though I'm sorry about Ned + all) -- best wishes in thoroughly enjoying this year (and yourself!)

Des said...

This blog is outstanding. It really is a pleasure to read. Being so sincere and authentic is not easy at all. I'm looking forward to reading more.

Katie said...

Wow, I actually love you.
Think you just got yourself a new reader...

Crystal Ball said...

Trust me, you ARE a writer. And I agree with Katie, I actually love you too. As weird as that may sound (or not), you are just that good.

Jo said...

I'm not sure how it took me so long to find this post. But, it's a treasure that I'm so glad I've stumbled upon.

College did the same to me....or I did the same to me. Exercise bulimia. That was long ago, and I'm in the same city but no longer in that same place. :)

I agree with your thoughts on failure. It can be such a beautiful and freeing thing! And without failure, there cannot be success.

Much love to you!!
xox

Roxy Te Owens said...

Meg you have moved me! This is my year of "failing" too. What I thought was my life calling when I so eagerly graduated from Parsons actually is not so I'm spending this year finding the me that I felt I lost to corporate America! Best wishes on your adventure of re-building and renewal :)
xoxo

Brie said...

i love this blog {oh} so much
you are quite the inspiration!
and you are so smart and witty and not to mention gorgeous! thank you for sharing your wisdom with the world of blogging. its very much appreciated!

Domesticated-Bliss said...

I just found your blog today and wow what an insightful {about me} this is. I love and envy your admittance of 'failure' and your sheer honesty.

Good luck! I'm a new follower :)

anandaayu said...

Love your blog and the way you write. It's beautiful.

Prof Groff said...

I love you, Meg! I'll carry your bike for you anywhere!

katherine h. said...

meg -

i remember watching you on stage and in tournaments at the village school. you were stellar then, and you're stellar now.

rooting for you from texas.

Kristen said...

Hellooo,

I just stumbled across your blog from a chain of clicks of blog to blog to blog and your about me was really touching! I am now a follower :) and not too far away in D.C. ...love NYC and so jealous of you that you get to live there full time!! Anyway, I'm an awkward commenter so I'll stop but-bravo!

Jenni Austria Germany said...

mexican food and bluebell ice cream. i'm from oklahoma. i hear ya.

Betsey said...

Meg, you sound like a simply lovely person. I love your honesty, and the fact that you are looking life straight in the face and taking in everything -- from the bad to the good -- and doing what you must with it. You are really an inspiration (just from what I've read so far..which isn't much yet!) and I am glad to have stumbled on your blog. Also, your writing is brilliant!

theatregirl13 said...

I simply adore your blog! It's so interesting and personal. They design is wonderful too! I was wondering how you put up the links on the left side of your blog? I have a craft blog and those would be perfect to categorize my posts for my readers. I'm not all too techno savvy so any help is much appreciated! :)

much love!

Happy Wife said...

Not sure when I started to "follow" you... maybe a week or so ago. But I am just now reading your "About Me"...

You are truly lovely! An absolute bombshell and incredibly brave! Your story will shape the future of many hearts to come... it is a launching pad for the blessings and joys ahead. Our times of failing, lead to overwhelming discovery when we let them! And the growth that we experience around those days, months, even years will be some of the most memorable moments!

Your future husband, and children will be so proud of you! They will admire you and see your beauty.

May-g from Texas, thank you for sharing your heart here.

Jennifer Rod said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and I have to say this is the most amazing "about me" ive read! I wish I knew you in person. You sound like such a thriving girl and your honesty here is genuine and encouraging. I cant help being proud of you for sounding so brave and determined to be you and to enjoy yourself while at it, failures and all. Im definitely following!

xoxo
jen
singwhenitrains.blogspot.com

Matt said...

I came upon your blog by following your roommate's request for a 3rd on Facebook (I'm a member of the Croatian troupe she used to dance with). I'm impressed with your attitude towards your current challenges. The only true failure, after all, is not getting back up after you fall.

Best wishes, and always (always) keep moving forward. :)

Little Tree Vintage said...

i feel so lucky to have found your blog, i hardly find people who are as extremely interesting as I find you to be. you are brilliant!

Stevie Leigh said...

Unbelievably beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

msmeghan said...

Sweet Meg, it's lovely to learn about such a girl.

Abi P. said...

I love how sincere your writing is.
I so enjoy reading your wonderful blog.

caley-jade rosenberg said...

So glad I found and am now following your blog:)
x

... said...

I love your honesty. I too am a college trained theatre actor that has experienced a lot since graduation while doing everything but what I was trained to do. Sometimes it feels like failure, but just when you least expect it, life starts to make sense. Also, you are a great writer :)

Sims said...

actor to actor: i love your about me section. just stumbled across your blog. you are so honest in a world full of pretense. best of luck to you!

http://simonemcalonen.com/